Trials and Tribulations
by auntiesnixx
Summary: After being hit by car, Rachel almost dies. The path to recovery is hard but something, or someone, might make it a little bit easier...
1. Chapter One

**So, first of all, I wanted to say that this story is not mine. The author is tumblr user margravinel and this was originally a Camren fanfic on 5hfanfiction (PM and i'll send you the link since I can't post it here) and I'm just converting into a Pezberry fanfic with the author's authorization.**

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

Santana sighed to herself as she transferred a few assorted items from her backpack into her newly assigned locker. It seemed like only yesterday that she was finishing her sophomore year of high school and eagerly anticipating the summer break. Now, weeks later, Santana found herself back in the same, bustling and chaotic hallway which she'd first been acquainted with two years previously, preparing herself for what would inevitably be a return to another year of monotonous routine. It wasn't that Santana didn't like school, because, in actuality, she did. Santana loved to learn and prided herself on being a straight A student. She enjoyed the crisp and unsoiled feel of a new book in her hands, whether it was the fictional work of an undiscovered author or newly assigned history textbook. She revelled in the challenge of trying to solve complex math problems, liked learning about the physiological foundations of the human form, losing herself in the lives and struggles of those who had lived before her. Knowledge is power, or so Santana had often heard and she couldn't deny the sense of achievement that she felt when she could apply something that she'd learnt to a situation in her own life, even if it was only to ensure that she consumed the recommended amount of water a day to ensure that her kidneys didn't go into failure.

It wasn't the routine of school that Santana dreaded, because actually, she thought it would be quite nice to once again have some structure to her day. Instead, it was the tedious and mundane practice of everyone returning to their assumed high school clichés and roles which Santana couldn't stand. Santana wouldn't have ever described herself as popular but at the same time she wasn't ever treated like a misfit by the rest of the student population. Santana just kind of existed in high school, suspended somewhere between the social elite and the socially unacceptable. Santana felt just as comfortable having conversations with the few friends that she had on the cheerleading squad as she did with those in the school band or show choir. Perhaps that's why she never liked the customary segregation which inevitably came with the start of the school year, because for her part, Santana didn't fit into the stereotypical cliques which every coming of age movie liked to portray on screen. She was happy with the person that her parents had raised her to be, someone who wasn't judgemental, who was tolerant and open-minded. Santana didn't pick her friends based on what they could do for her social standing; she chose them because of how they could enrich her own life, because of their experiences, their intellect, their talent and their kindness. If there was one thing which Santana hated about the tediousness of high school, it was the ignorance and cruelty of some of those who attended it.

Santana sighed to herself once again, closing her locker door firmly and almost finding herself flattened against it by the weight of someone pouncing on her shoulders, a small shriek of excitement erupting from their mouths as they did so. Santana smiled to herself as she felt the weight evaporate almost as soon as it had appeared and turned around to face the unannounced intruder.

"Hey!" Brittany greeted animatedly, pulling Santana into what could only be described as an all-encompassing bear hug. "I've missed you this summer!"

"Britt-Britt…" Santana just about managed to vocalise, her voice almost lost with the inability to draw oxygen into her lungs due to Brittany's python like grip.

Realising she was nigh on crushing her best friend, Brittany released her hold on Santana and smiled at her apologetically. "Sorry," she said, reaching for Santana's hand and tugging on it gently so that it was linked with her own. "I guess I got a little bit carried away after not seeing you for the last seven weeks."

Santana laughed, bumping Brittany slightly with her hip as they started to make their way down the crowded hallway together. "It's not like I completely abandoned you." Santana protested. "We spoke on Skype at least once a week and we text every day. You make it sound like I was away in the Arctic with no available form of communication for the entirety of my absence."

"Softball camp, the arctic….they might as well be the same thing." Brittany sighed dramatically. "Either way, my summer vacation was seriously lacking in quality time with you so sue me for being enthusiastic about our reunion. It's only because I missed you."

"I missed you too Britt-Britt," Santana reciprocated bumping Brittany playfully with her shoulder before pulling her back into her side via their entwined hands. "Well, at least you had Quinnto keep you company in my absence." Santana reminded the other girl as they continued down the hallway. "Where is she anyway? I thought she'd be with you."

"She said she'd meet us here," Brittany informed Santana. "She's coming in with Puck this morning." She finished raising her eyebrow suggestively.

"Oh really?" Santana asked, intrigued. "Tell me more."

"Well," Brittany started, dropping her voice and leaning closer to Santana to prevent unwanted eavesdroppers overhearing their conversation. "Let's just say that they got very serious over the summer."

"Interesting…How serious are we talking?" Santana asked dropping her voice to the same level as Brittany's in search of clarification.

"Very," Brittany said. "I'm surprised that she didn't tell you."

"She's been visiting family in Texas the last couple of weeks and I've been busy catching up with family since I've been back" Santana shrugged indifferently. "We haven't had a chance to catch up properly yet. I'm sure she'll fill me in when I see her."

"Speaking of seeing her," Brittany said pointing towards Quinn, her short height almost hiding her view behind the throng of students passing by. She was standing, her back towards them whilst she talked to her boyfriend Puck in front of a row of orange lockers against the wall to their left. Santana and Brittany approached the pair of them, dodging their way around both moving and static obstacles in their path.

"Hey girls," Puck greeted, smiling brightly when Brittany and Santana reached them.

"Hi," they replied in unison, Santana offering a small wave with her free hand.

"I'll see you at lunch?" He asked Quinn, leaning down to plant a chaste kiss on her lips. She nodded shyly in response. "See you both later," he said turning his attention back towards Santana and Brittany before heading off in search of his friends, pausing only momentarily to glance back at Quinn and smile.

"Ugh," Brittany groaned jokingly. "You two are so adorable it actually physically pains me to be around you sometimes."

"Oh stop it," Quinn chastised, hitting Brittany playfully on the arm. "You and Artie aren't much better."

"At least we have the decency to keep our PDA out of the school hallway," Brittany informed her teasingly before releasing Santana's hand and reaching forward to pull the shorter girl into a warm hug.

"I'll be sure to remind you of that the next time I have to watch you two making out in the lunch room." Quinn said as the two of them separated and she turned her attention to Santana.

"Hey San," Quinn greeted Santana as the two of them embraced one another.

"Quinnie," Santana replied squeezing Quinn firmly in her arms before releasing her and leaning her back against the locker behind her. "How was Texas?"

"Nah uh," Quinn said, resting her right shoulder against the locker to her side as she faced Santana. "I want to hear all about Softball camp, more specifically, this girl that you kept mentioning at every available opportunity. Texas can wait."

"There's nothing to tell really," Santana said smirking.

"You could have fooled us," Brittany replied huddling closer to Quinn. "I swear, every text message I received from you mentioned Dani."

"Same," Quinn agreed nodding her head. "So what's the deal? Do you two still keep in touch? Are you still seeing each other?"

"No," Santana replied a small smile creeping on to her lips at the memory of the girl she'd met at camp. "It was just a summer fling. That's all."

"Shame," Brittany stated matter of factly. "It's about time you finally found someone to stop you from being the fifth wheel on our dates."

"Ugh, thanks for that Britt," Santana said feigning hurt. "I didn't realise I was the awkward fifth wheel."

"You know what I mean San," Brittany replied waving off her previous statement. "You never date anyone at school…"

"Maybe that's because there are surprisingly few out and proud lesbians here besides myself," Santana objected.

"What about that girl you went out with towards the end of school last year….what was her name?" Brittany questioned.  
"Bree?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, that's the one." Brittany confirmed. "She was cute."

"She was also completely in the closet," Santana informed her friends. "I don't want to hide who I am. You know that."

"Yeah we know," Brittany said reaching for Santana's hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "It's just you deserve to have someone that makes you happy and…."  
Brittany's words were interrupted by the sound of books being scattered across the floor behind her and she jumped reflexively at the sudden noise.

"Shit!" someone cursed loudly causing Santana and the other two girls to look in the direction it had originated from. From her position further along the hallway Santana noted the back of a small brunette girl that she didn't recognise bending down to pick up the offending items and failing miserably at the task.

"Wow," Quinn said in surprise. "I didn't expect to see her back at school today."

"Who?" Santana asked watching the brunette finally manage to get one of the notebooks she'd dropped back into her hands whilst trying to avoid being trodden on by the oblivious students that walked by, completely ignoring her difficulties.

"Rachel," Quinn told her.

"Berry?" Brittany asked astonished, studying the girl closer from her vantage point.

"Yeah," Quinn replied turning back to face Santana who was examining the girl as she scrambled to pick up another of her notebooks trying to put a face to the name.

"Isn't she the girl that lives down your street?" Santana asked trying to recollect an image of the girl. "Your families go to church together right?"

"Yeah," Quinn confirmed.

"I don't get it," Santana said confused. "Why is it such a surprise that she's back at school?"

"Are you serious?" Brittany asked amazed. "Didn't you hear what happened to her?"

"No," Santana replied. "What?"

"She almost died this summer," Quinn told Santana. "I thought I'd told you about it when we spoke on Skype? I guess not."

"What?" Santana said glancing back at the girl who was still struggling with her books.

"Are you sure it was her? She looks fine."

"Positive." Quinn informed her. "It was in all the local papers and our church would light candles and pray for her."

"Why what happened to her?" Santana asked still not believing Quinn's story.

"I can't believe you haven't heard," Brittany stated. "Everyone was talking about it. I'm surprised your parents didn't fill you in when you got back from camp."

"Yeah," Quinn agreed. "It was all my parents could talk about for weeks." Quinn paused a moment to cast a quick look over her shoulder at Rachel who had finally managed to pick up her books, only to drop them once again as someone tried to rush past her and knocked them from her hands. The girl groaned in frustration, throwing her back onto the floor at the foot of her locker and bending down once again to retrieve them.

"She was hit by a car whilst crossing the road at the beginning of the summer," Quinn continued, turning her attention back to Santana who was still watching Rachel with interest. "Apparently, the car didn't even stop. It just went straight through a red light and ran her down as she made her way over the crossing."

"I go to dance class with her friend Tina's boyfriend Mike," Brittany went on. "She was literally devastated after it happened. Apparently, Rachel was in a coma for three weeks after the accident and the doctors had told her parents to prepare for the worst. Tina was distraught. She said the doctors had said it was a miracle that Rachel had even woken up at all."

"My parents told me that they'd spoken to her fathers at church and that the doctors had said that if it hadn't have been for the bystanders who called the ambulance straight away she would have died," Quinn confirmed. "She was in hospital for weeks. I think she was only released home last Monday."

"She looks alright now though," Santana said numbly glancing back at the girl who had now retrieved her notebooks and was trying to open her locker.

"Mike told me that she suffered a massive head injury though," Brittany confided with Santana. "She had to have brain surgery and everything."

"It's true," Quinn supported. "She had a massive bleed in her brain or something and they had to remove it."

"I don't remember seeing her around last year." Santana admitted. "Has she always attended here?"

"Yeah," Brittany said, "she's kind of shy though. I think Tina is one of her only friends. They've known each other since they were born. I think their parents were friends in high school or something."

"She's actually really nice," Quinn supplied. "I had a couple of classes with her last year. She used to help me out with some of my AP math work."

They all turned in the girls direction once again as they heard the sound of books colliding with the floor and discovered that Rachel had managed to open her locker, only to lose her grip on the troublesome stationery.

Rachel cursed aloud and bent down to reclaim the books once again from the floor before her. Santana noted that one of them had found its way into the middle of the hallway just as it collided with an oncoming student's foot and was kicked unintentionally in their direction. The notebook slid unimpeded until it collided with Brittany's foot and Santana bent down to pick it up, the other girls watching intently.  
The notebook was thick and the pages crumpled around the edges from being used repetitively. Santana couldn't help but flick the pages open out of habit and her eyes fell on the work within where she paused.

"What is that?" Brittany asked glancing over the page as Santana held the book in front of her.

"Writing," Santana said sighing guiltily, realising that she'd unintentionally invaded Rachel's privacy.

"I can't even read it," Brittany said squinting.

"That's not Rachel's writing," Quinn said after catching a quick glance of the work as Santana hastily closed the book. "Her handwriting was really neat. I remember it from some of the math work she showed me. That writing is barely legible."

"Well," Santana said sadly. "This is her writing now."

"Oh," Quinn said, realisation dawning on her. "You mean…"

"I think this is an exercise book," Santana admitted as she stepped around Brittany and started to make her way towards Rachel who knelt on the floor surveying it in search of her last missing book, the others now safely stashed in her locker.

Brittany and Quinn watched as Santana approached the brunette and tapped her gently on the left shoulder.

"Hey," Santana greeted as Rachel turned to face her, "I think you…" Santana words caught in her throat as Rachel lifted her face to look at who was addressing her.

The first thing Santana noticed was the other girl's eyes. Deep, dark pools of chocolate brown which she was in the very real danger of drowning in as Rachel stood up to her full height.

"Uhh…." Santana tried to finish her thought, the notebook held out between the two of them.

"Thanks," Rachel said gratefully as she glanced down at the item in Santana's hands and took it back in her own. The loss of eye contact, allowed Santana the opportunity to recover her wits. Rachel scrutinised the book in her hands, flicking through the pages as though she didn't recognise it and Santana used this time to examine the other girls' features properly.

It was only from this distance that Santana could see the marks of Rachel's accident and accept the truth of Quinn and Brittany's words. The left side of Rachel's head was shaved close to her skull, a thick, pink, circular scar protruding from her scalp where'd she obviously had surgery. From a distance, a long layer of hair had hidden it from view but up close, what was effectively an undercut did little to disguise the obvious trauma Rachel had undergone.

Rachel lifted her gaze to look at Santana once again, closing the notebook in her hands as she did so. Santana finally saw the other girls face properly for the first time and despite the obvious scar which extended from her forehead and across her left eyebrow, she couldn't help but find Rachel stunning.  
Santana wondered how she'd never paid any attention to the other girl over the past two years together at school, not when she was standing here now, lost for words and for the first time in her life, completely paralysed but the butterflies she felt erupting in her stomach. Santana caught herself staring at Rachel and quickly glanced back towards the notebook between them, her eyes sweeping over Rachel's delicate fingers and taking in the stiff wrist splint which covered her left hand.

Rachel, obviously following Santana's gaze, pulled at the sleeve of her sweater subconsciously in an attempt to cover her hand.

"I'm sorry," Santana apologised, sensing the other girls discomfort.

"That's ok," Rachel replied, turning to place the notebook in her locker. "I'm getting used to it."

"No, it was rude of me to stare," Santana reiterated, watching as Rachel closed her locker.

"Well…" Was all Rachel responded, her voice trailing off as though her thoughts were lost mid-sentence.

Rachel picked her bag up from the floor and put it over her shoulder before making a move to leave. Santana stopped her, reaching for the other girls hand and pulling on it gently. "I'm Santana," she said as Rachel turned back around to face her.

"Ok," Rachel answered simply.

Santana shifted uncomfortably on her feet, unsure whether Rachel was going to introduce herself.

After a moment of awkward silence, Santana decided that she wasn't and so asked,

"You're Rachel right?"

"Yeah," Rachel replied frowning suspiciously.

"Listen, I wondered if…." Santana began, but she was interrupted by someone shouting Rachel's name off to her right. Santana turned just as another girl reached them, slightly out of breath and anxious.

"Rach," the other girl said once she'd caught her breath. "I went to the guidance counsellor's room looking for you only to find you weren't there. I've been searching all over for you."

"I'm here," Rachel answered matter of factly.

"Well I can see that," the other girl responded. "You were supposed to wait there for me so I could make sure you get to class ok."

"I needed to put some things in my locker," Rachel answered as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Rach," the other girl said, casting a confused look at Santana when she finally noticed her standing there. "You….you're not supposed…you were. Didn't you listen to what the guidance counsellor said?"

"No," Rachel admitted. "My dad did."

"What did your dad say after the meeting?" The other girl asked seemingly frustrated.

"I don't know," Rachel said honestly.

"Didn't he say anything?" The other girl asked.

"He did," Rachel informed her.

"What was it? Did he write it down for you?" The other girl questioned again, her eyes searching Rachel's arms for the notebooks she'd had earlier. "Where's your notebook?"

"In my locker," Rachel replied.

"Rach," the other girl groaned slightly.

"Umm….I should go," Santana interrupted feeling out of place. "Leave you guys to it…"

Rachel and her friend both looked at Santana, the other girl finally acknowledging her presence.

"Sorry," she apologised. "I hope she wasn't bothering you."

"Actually, I was bothering her," Santana replied slightly confused. "She dropped her notebook. I was just…giving it back to her."

"Oh, thanks…" The other girl said searchingly.

"Santana," she informed her.

"Thanks Santana." The other girl said now that she had a name. "I'm Tina."

"Hi," Santana greeted before turning back to Rachel who was watching the interaction silently. "Maybe I'll see you around Rachel?"

"Maybe," Rachel agreed causing Santana to smile.

"You don't really say too much do you?" Santana questioned noticing Rachel's lack of small talk.

"Can't," she answered simply pointing at the scar on her head.

"Oh," Santana said feeling bad for the second time in ten minutes. "Sorry."  
Rachel looked at Tina expectantly.

"She sometimes has trouble with her words." Tina informed Santana for Rachel. "You know, since the accident. She's getting better though, right Rach?"  
Rachel gave Santana a thumbs up with her right hand. "Right," she said in response to Tina's words.

"She can manage a few short sentences but, when she tries to talk a lot the words get jumbled up or she gets stuck and she doesn't want to look like an idiot." Tina continued to explain.

Rachel pouted as Tina spoke and Santana couldn't help the feeling that swept through her at the adorable expression on the other girls face. Rachel nodded after Tina had finished speaking and smiled at Santana.

"Well," Tina continued chuckling to herself. "Any more of an idiot then she already was, that is."

Rachel pulled a stupid face and spun her finger around by her head to emphasise Tina's words causing a wide grin to spread across Santana's features.

The warning bell rang to signal that they should all start moving towards their first class and Santana glanced back in the direction of Brittany and Quinn who'd been watching the interaction with great interest from where they'd been standing by the lockers further along the hallway.

"I should go," Santana said turning back to face Rachel and Tina.

"Thanks for your help," Tina said sincerely.

"I didn't really do anything." Santana replied.

"Yeah, but, still…thanks" Tina reiterated.

"No problem," Santana answered smiling at Rachel who was watching her closely grinning. "Bye Rachel." She said.

Rachel waved her right hand slightly.

"Goodbye Santana." Rachel reciprocated enunciating each word slowly. "Maybe I'll see you around."

Santana smiled as she repeated Rachel's own words from earlier back to her, "maybe."

Rachel laughed a loud, reflexive laugh, which reached deep down into Santana's soul and made the butterflies in her stomach flutter even more than they already had been. It was one of the most infectious laughs that Santana had ever heard and the reaction that it gained from Tina told Santana that it was probably something she hadn't heard from her friend in a while the other girl was grinning so much.

Santana smiled at the pair of them before turning around and making her way back towards Quinn and Brittany, casting quick glances back at Rachel and Tina as she did so. Tina was rummaging through Rachel's locker in search of her notebook whilst Rachel watched Santana as she left, curiosity etched on her face.

"Ok," Brittany said when Santana reached her and Quinn. "What was that?" she asked as they started to head down the hallway towards first period.

"What was what?" Santana asked, trying to stifle the grin that was plastered across her face.

"Oh my God," Quinn said reading her friends face. "You like her don't you?"

"What?" Santana asked surprised. "Don't be ridiculous Quinn. I just met her."

"Then why do you look like you've just won a million dollars?" Brittany asked.

"I don't," Santana protested, casting a look over her shoulder back in Rachel's direction and feeling her stomach drop slightly when she noticed the other girl struggling to explain something to Tina who was reading something out of her notebook.

"You can't keep your eyes off her," Quinn observed. "You like her."

"I'm just worried about her." Santana responded.

"You didn't even know her two minutes ago," Brittany reminded her of her own words.

"She's interesting," Santana acknowledged. "I mean, if what you said is true then she's been through a lot this summer. I find it kind of inspiring that she's already back at school and pushing through it."

Brittany and Quinn shared a meaningful look which didn't go unnoticed by Santana.

"I don't like her," Santana repeated stubbornly.

"Yeah ok," Brittany said sarcastically as Santana cast another glance back at Rachel just before they turned a corner and she was out of sight.

"I would just kind of like to know her story that's all." Santana continued as they came to a stop outside of her classroom.

Brittany raised her eyebrow slightly and Quinn just looked at Santana knowingly.

"Crap," Santana said finally admitting it. "I like her."

"No shit," Brittany stated simply, leaving Santana to watch as her and Quinn made their way to their own classes.

'Fuck' Santana thought as she turned and made her way into first period alone."I really like her."


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

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The first class of the new school year, biology, passed by uneventfully and in all honesty, painfully slowly for Santana who had sat alone, her thoughts consumed by this morning's interaction with Rachel. Luckily, being the first day back after summer break, most of today's classes would be concerned with seating assignments, discussion around the syllabus for that semester and allocation of textbooks rather than anything of any great import. Ever since she'd spoken to Rachel this morning, the brunette was all Santana seemed to be able to think about. She consumed every thought, the recollection of her dark chocolate eyes, the memory of her deep infectious laugh, stirring feelings in Santana which she'd never experienced before. Rachel intrigued Santana in a way no one else ever had, her mere existence posing an endless array of questions which Santana would gladly take the time to find answers to, if the opportunity should present itself. Santana had spoken to Rachel for maybe ten minutes this morning, but she was already craving her like a drug addict did their next hit. There was something about Rachel that Santana couldn't shake off. It was like the small brunette had crawled under her skin and set up permanent residence there and to be brutally honest, the feelings it evoked within her managed to both scare the shit out of Santana and excite her all at the same time.

Finally, the bell signalling the end to first period rang and Santana collected up her backpack from its position on the floor and filled it with her newly acquired textbooks. She briskly flung the bag over her shoulder and made a beeline for the door, escaping the confines of the strangely oppressive classroom and joining the thong of students hastily moving throughout the hallway beyond it. Once outside, Santana couldn't help but scan the sea of faces in search of the eyes which seemed to have been permanently imprinted in her memory but, was disappointed not to locate them anywhere in the local vicinity as she quickly made her way to homeroom for registration. Santana's high school had some elective classes scheduled at the beginning of the day, so, homeroom was pushed back slightly to fall between first and second period. As Santana entered the rapidly filling classroom, she noted Quinn waving at her from a seat in the far right hand corner of the room and made her way towards an empty desk located just in front of her.

Santana threw her bag under the desk and sat down, turning around in her chair slightly to face Quibn so that they could talk.

"Hey," she said greeting the smaller girl with a smile. "I didn't realise you had Miss Holiday for homeroom too."

"Yeah," Quinn replied happily. "We didn't really get a chance to compare schedules before first period in the end."

"Do you know if Brittany has Miss Holiday as well?" Santana asked hopefully.

"No," Quinn informed Santana. "Brittany and Puck both have Mr Schue."

"Sucks," Santana noted, casting a wary eye over her shoulder quickly to make sure Miss Holiday had still not arrived.

"At least we know each other," Quinn noted thankfully. "It could have been worse."

"True," Santana agreed before asking. "So how was first period? Did anything exciting happen?"

"No," Quinn responded sighing slightly. "It was just the standard first day back routine, nothing more, nothing less."

"What did you have?" Santana asked her curiously.

"AP math," Quinn told her.

"Oh," Santana responded, wondering whether to ask her next question.

"You're so obvious that it's almost painful to watch," Quinn stated simply, watching Santana's internal dilemma with amusement.

"What do you mean?" Santana asked.

"You want to know whether Rachel was in my class," Quinn replied laughing to herself.

"Am I that obvious?" Santana asked.

"Surprisingly yes," Quinn began. "It's funny actually. I don't think I've ever seen you like this before. What did the two of you talk about that made you like her so much?"

"That's the thing!" Santana answered in frustration. "We didn't really talk about anything. I literally just gave her the notebook back and then her friend turned up."

Santana paused for a moment to run her hand through her hair and move it out of her eyes.

"Well, in answer to your well veiled question," Quinn said reaching forward to place a hand on Santana's wrist. "No, Rachel wasn't in my AP math class."

"Crap," Santana stated.

Quinn laughed. "Were you hoping that I could get some intel on her for you?" she asked.

"No Quinn," Santana said nodding in the direction of the door as Rachel and Tina entered.

"Oh…." Quinn said following Santana's gaze. "Crap."

Santana watched as Tina and Rachel took two empty together seats towards the middle of the room before turning back to Quinn who was watching her in amusement.

"Wow," Quinn said noticing how nervous her normally calm and collected friend appeared. "You've really fallen hard for her. You're usually so self-assured and confident. What the hell happened to you? You were fine this morning."

"I don't know," Santana admitted between gritted teeth, trying to keep her voice low. "That's the problem. I barely even know Rachel but she's literally been all I've thought about since I spoke to her this morning."

"It's probably just a crush," Quinn informed her, waving her hand dismissively. "Everyone gets them. I'm sure it'll pass in a day or two."

"Are you sure?" Santana asked uncertainly. "I mean, I thought I'd had crushes before but this…this is nothing like anything I've ever felt in the past."

"Santana," Quinn said seriously taking the other girls hand in her own and squeezing it reassuringly. "I'm going to tell you something that you may or may not like."

Santana frowned at Quinn's words. "What?" she asked uneasily.

"You love people with stories." Quinn continued and a look of confusion fell across Santana's face.

"Ok," Santana said drawing out the word puzzled.

"Rachel," Quinn said, nodding her head in the direction of the girl who was sat a few feet in front, her forehead resting on her arms atop her desk. "She has a really good story."

"Quinn," Santana protested. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Think about it Santana," Quinn responded. "Rachel has been going to this school for the last two years and you've never even once given her a second thought. Why is that? Why is it just now that you're suddenly interested in her?"

Santana raised her eyebrow, shaking her head slightly and Quinn took it as a sign to go on.

"It's because now she has a story." Quinn told her as though it should be obvious. "She's been through something that a lot of people at this school will never understand or ever experience. She almost died."

Quinn paused for effect.

"That is what is drawing you to her." Quinn finished. "You're intrigued because you want to know what it's like to come face to face with your own mortality and not succumb to it."

Santana glanced back in Rachel's direction and pondered Quinn's words. In a weird way, they kind of made sense, but, at the same time, Santana couldn't help but feel that her attraction to Rachel was more than just on an intellectual and academic level. It was physical too. She was attracted to Rachel, to her physical form, her long dark hair, deep chocolate eyes and full lips. It wasn't just about the stories she could tell or the experiences she could share with Santana. It was Rachel herself.

Santana heard the classroom door close and turned to see Miss Holiday making her way towards the front of the classroom. She turned around in her seat to face forward and watched as the young teacher, placed her shoulder bag on her chair before walking around the desk and perching herself on top of it, facing the room.

Santana had been in Miss Holiday's English class last year and had very quickly decided that she was one of her, if not her favourite teacher at school. She was younger than most of the teachers that worked here having only been out of college for a few years but she respected the students at the school, treating them like adults, which in turn earned her their respect. Miss Holiday went through the formalities required of homeroom, taking attendance and handing out a few school notices before addressing the students before her on a more personal level.

"Ok," she started, surveying the faces before her, a large smile on her face. "How was everyone's summer vacation? Did you all have a good break?"

Miss Holiday stood slowly from where she'd been leant against her desk and stood up, pacing back and forth in front of the class, seemingly comfortable to talk as though they were all old friend who were just catching up after a couple of months apart.

"I personally had a great summer vacation." she went on as she continued pacing. "I went to Africa for a few weeks to visit the orphanages out there and even had the amazing opportunity of going on safari."

She stopped pacing once she reached the middle of the room and leant back against her desk again.

"David," she said addressing a boy sat in the middle of the front row. "What did you get up to this summer?"

"Uh," David clearly surprised at being put on the spot. "I went to basketball camp."

"Excellent," Miss Holiday responded. "Quinn, what about you?" she said standing up and walking down the aisle towards where her and Santana sat.

"I stayed home." Quinn answered.

"That's it?" Miss Holiday asked. "You didn't do anything else over the summer?"

"Well," Quinn started, "I went to Texas to see my grandparents."

"Great," Miss Holiday said enthusiastically, turning around and starting to make her way back towards the front of the room.

Santana watched her as she passed Rachel, who, with the current topic of conversation had sat up in her chair anxiously, clearly dreading the thought that she would be addressed with the same question. To her credit, Miss Holiday squeezed Rachel's shoulder reassuringly as she passed, not making eye contact and quickly changing tact.

"Alright," she said as she arrived back at the front of the class. "You guys have twenty minutes until your next period. I want you to turn to the person on your right and discuss with them the following things."

Miss Holiday made her way to the whiteboard and began to make a list of questions. They included trivial things such as what you did over the summer, your favourite band, your favourite books etc.

"By the end of homeroom, I want everyone to have at least learnt something new about one other person in this room." She informed them. "I'm not saying you'll become friends or anything but, you never know, stranger things have happened."

Accepting Miss Holiday's instructions without question, the room broke out into noisy conversation as everyone started chatting enthusiastically.

Santana turned to her right, only to realise that the desk was empty and quickly looked around the room to see if anyone else was without a partner.

"Santana," she heard Miss Holiday say as she came up beside her. "Could you go and sit next to Tina?" she asked.

"Uh, Miss Holiday," Santana began confused. "Rachel is sat next to Tina."

"I know," Miss Holiday agreed. "I'm asking you to please switch with her."

Santana looked towards where Rachel was sitting and noticed the other girl watching her conversation as though waiting for something.

"Rachel," Miss Holiday beckoned the brunette as Santana slowly stood from her chair casting a puzzled look in Quinn's direction, the other girl having looked up on noticing her friend's movement.

Santana picked up her bag and made her way down to where Rachel had been sitting, but, now stood standing patiently.

"I guess we will be seeing each other around," Rachel managed slowly as Santana reached her, a small smile creeping onto her lips.

Santana couldn't help but smile back at her as Rachel moved out of the way and allowed her to take her seat.

"I guess we will." Santana agreed as she lowered herself into the chair beside Tina. "Hi again," Santana greeted and Tina smiled warmly at her.

"Hi," the other girl replied. "So…summer vacation? Tell me everything."

"Rachel," Miss Holiday beckoned the other girl again and she shared a look with both Tina and Santana before making her way up towards the empty desks which the teacher had pushed closer together. "Here have a seat." She offered kindly.

Rachel did as she was asked and Miss Holiday took a seat at the desk beside her, leaning over and closing the gap in between them to try and keep their conversation as confidential as possible in a room full of students.

"Firstly," Miss Holiday started placing a hand on top of Rachel's kindly. "It's really nice to see you back at school today, I wasn't sure that you would be back so soon."

"Me neither," Rachel answered honestly.

"How has everything been so far?" Miss Holiday asked. "Any problems I should be aware of?"

"Beside me?" Rachel asked disparagingly.

"Rachel you aren't' a problem." Miss Holiday informed the youngster.

"Miss Holiday," Rachel started, pausing for a moment to think about her next words. "The school has been really good letting me…..come back but…"

Rachel dropped her gaze momentarily thinking and Miss Holiday waited patiently for the girl to continue.

"I can't write," Rachel admitted, meeting her gaze again. "I struggle to read sometimes…"

"So do a lot of students here Rachel," Miss Holiday encouraged.

"I can't speak properly." Rachel said ashamed.

"You're speaking fine." Miss Holiday praised reassuringly.

"I don't sleep anymore." Rachel told her, "I get headaches and I can't concentrate properly."

"So far," Miss Holiday said smiling kindly. "You sound like every other kid I've taught at this school. I don't' want you to think that you're alone going through this, ok?"

"I had to drop all my AP classes," Rachel said dejectedly, "I…I used….to be a….straight A student…" she managed to force out, "now…I can't even…t-tie my own… shoelaces properly."

Miss Holiday smiled at Rachel sadly.

"Rachel, you have been through a lot over the summer. No one is expecting you to get better overnight. It'll take time and hard work. From what I've heard, you weren't even breathing by yourself ten weeks ago…" Miss Holiday placed a reassuring hand on Rachel's shoulder. "Look at how far you've come since then."

"I'm probably going to be held back at the end of the year." Rachel stated simply.

"You don't know that." Miss Holiday told her. "It'll be hard Rachel. I'm not going to pretend it won't but there are systems in place here to help you. All your teachers have spoken to Miss Pillsbury the guidance counsellor. We've been given strategies from your therapists to help you transition back into high school again."

"I know," Rachel said.

"What I need from you," Miss Holiday continued. "Is to know if you are having any problems and what they are ok? It could be anything, big or small but, I can't help you if I don't know what they are. So I guess what I'm saying is that I am here to talk with if you need me, alright? My door is always open for you. Please, promise me that you'll use it from time to time, even if it's just to check in."

"Ok," Rachel said. "I promise I will."

"Alright," Miss Holiday replied smiling and making a move to stand from her chair.

"Miss Holiday?" Rachel said staying her teacher by reaching for her hand. She sat back down next to Rachel and waited for her to continue.

"Rachel you can talk to me," Miss Holiday urged. "What did you want to say?"

"I'm sorry," Rachel responded and Miss Holiday furrowed her brow in confusion.

"What are you sorry for?" she asked baffled.

"I get…angry." Rachel said averting her gaze from her teachers. "Frustrated."

"Ok," Miss Holiday acknowledged still not fully understanding Rachel's apology.

"I…hit my sister once," Rachel shared "and kicked a hole through my bedroom door."

Rachel looked at Miss Holiday searching for understanding and finding none.

"I don't want you to hate me." She clarified. "If, I….you know…do something. I'm different….since the accident…I can't control myself…"

Rachel swallowed hard, her mouth dry. "I'm not explaining myself very well." She managed to get out, clearly becoming more flustered.

"Rachel," Miss Holiday started understanding finally dawning on her. "We have the reports from your therapist. All the teachers are aware of the behavioural difficulties and personality changes since your head injury. We'll try to prevent any problems as much as possible but in the event that something does happen it will be dealt with appropriately. We know that the intent isn't there, disinhibition and emotional instability are common after what you've been through."

"What if I hurt someone?" Rachel asked.

"Then we'll deal with it together," Miss Holiday answered honestly. "That's all I can promise for now. Is that ok?"

"Ok," Rachel agreed nodding her head affirmatively.

"You're with me next period aren't you?" Miss Holiday asked as she stood from her chair and glanced at the clock.

Rachel flicked open her notebook to find her timetable and stared at the clock on the wall.

"Yeah," Rachel informed her.

"Alright then," Miss Holiday smiled reassuringly. "Stay put ok?"

"Ok," Rachel agreed, leaning back in her chair and watching as Miss Holiday made her way to the front of the class.

Rachel noticed Tina and Santana stop their conversation to glance in her direction as Miss Holiday passed them. Tina raised her eyebrow questioningly, gesturing to silently ask Rachel if everything was alright. Rachel made the conscious effort to put a smile on her face despite her insecurities and formed an 'ok' sign with her hand to illustrate that everything was fine. Tina stuck her left thumb up in response.

Rachel pulled out her notebook ready for the next class, observing her scrawled and unintelligible handwriting for a brief moment before slamming it closed again on the table, wondering why she bothered to even take notes if she couldn't refer back to them later on. Remaining in her seat, Rachel leant her head back and closed her eyes, folding her arms across her chest in front of her. She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, counting to ten in her head just as the therapist had instructed her to. Practically Rachel knew the reason why she was supposed to take notes. It wasn't for reference. All her teachers were going to provide her with everything she'd need in order to study the material at home, or so the note her dad had written in her notebook read. The reason she was meant to do it was because she needed all the handwriting practice she could get at the moment. Even her sister had more legible script then she did and Beth was only six.

She heard the bell signalling the end of homeroom, but stayed as she was, briefly noting Miss Holiday goodbye to the departing students and the ruckus as chairs were scraped back against the tiled floor beneath them. Rachel felt someone's presence above her and lifted her head up, opening her eyes as she did so to look at them.

"This seat taken," Santana asked gesturing to the desk beside Rachel.

Rachel sat up in her chair slightly and glanced at the desk which Miss Holiday had occupied earlier.

"No," she replied.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" Santana questioned.

"No," Rachel answered and Santana lowered herself into the seat just as Tina finished speaking with Miss Holiday and approached from the front of the classroom.

"Rach, I've got Chem lab now so I'll come and find you afterwards alright?" Tina asked.

"I can walk Rachel to her next class if you want." Santana offered.

"Really?" Tina asked.

"I can walk myself." Rachel stated. "I didn't go…to rehab for…nothing…you know." Rachel cursed inwardly at the lack of fluidity to her speech.

"I know," Tina said apologetically. "I'm sorry, it's just….I'm worried alright. Your dad asked me to make sure you're alright…it's us…not you."

Rachel sighed. "I know. I'm sorry."

"So you'll go with Santana to your next class?" Tina asked.

"Sure." Rachel agreed. "Lunch?" she asked.

"You bet," Tina replied happily as she gave the pair of them a small wave and hurried off to her next class.

"You pissed at her?" Santana asked Rachel once they were alone and awaiting the rest of their English class to arrive.

"No," Rachel answered honestly.

"You pissed at yourself?" Santana probed intuitively.

Rachel didn't answer the question which Santans felt spoke volumes. Instead she asked Santana a question of her own.

"You learn a lot?" Rachel said.

"About Tina?" Santana asked laughing slightly. "I think she learnt more about me than I did about her."

Rachel smiled at the thought of Tina interrogating Santana.

"I did however; learn that she has an unhealthy obsession with Beyoncé." Santana continued trying to maintain a conversation with the other girl as new students started to arrive and take their seats.

"She does." Rachel replied. "It's….that's….ugh, crap…" Rachel lifted a hand to her head and rubbed her temple with her fingers firmly.

"Are you ok?" Santana asked concerned etched on her face. "Should I do something?"

"No," Rachel responded trying to smile reassuringly. "It's…my…..spe…ech." She managed to get out. "Comes….and…."

"Goes?" Santana offered.

Rachel stuck her thumb up and nodded.

"Fu…." Rachel tried before groaning.

"Fuck indeed." Santana finished for her chuckling.

Rachel managed a laugh at her response and Santana felt her stomach rise in what was becoming a very familiar way.

"Fu…" Rachel tried again.

"Here let me," Santana began, cracking her knuckles dramatically in front of her. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Santana," Miss Holiday scolded as she made a move to close the door to the girl's right.

"Yes Miss," Santana answered embarrassed, realising that all eyes in the classroom were now turned on her.

"Is there a problem?" Miss Holiday asked eyeing Rachel out of the corner of her eye with concern as she noticed her head bowed in her head and her fingers rubbing frantically at the side of her temple.

"Well, you see miss," Santana opened but was soon cut short the sounds of Rachel's stifled laughs. "It's well…umm…." She tried to find a valid reply which would excuse her behaviour but was unable to concentrate with the sweet sound of Rachel's giggles beside her.

"Rachel?" Miss Holiday asked. "Anything you wish to add to Santana's eloquent response?"

Rachel lifted her head up and her laughing finally died down. She could see the slight hint of amusement in her teacher's eyes but knew she was trying to make a point in front of the class. Unable to speak a response, Rachel shook her head.

"I'll speak to the pair of you after class," Miss Holiday said turning and making her way back down towards the front of the classroom. She stopped at her desk and started rummaging through some papers before introducing them to the syllabus for this semester.

"Thanks for that," Santana whispered, leaning closer to Rachel who was listening to Miss Holiday. "Jesus, I thought she was going to give me detention."

Rachel tore her gaze away from the front of the classroom to meet Santana's.

"Sorry." She apologised in hushed tones having found her voice again. "I didn't realise… she was right…there."

"Well shit," Santana said slightly stunned. "You can speak again."

"Just about." Rachel confirmed.

"That must be so annoying." Santana noted, glancing up at the front of the classroom to make sure they weren't at risk of being caught chatting. Miss Holiday had her back turned to the room and was writing something on the whiteboard so Santana continued. "Will it ever come back completely?"

Rachel shrugged. "Pass."

"You fed up of talking to me already?" Santana asked jokingly trying to make Rachel laugh. She would swear, hearing that soft throaty chuckle would probably put a smile on her face even when she was in the worst mood.

"Maybe." Rachel answered a sly smile on her lips.

"Maybe?" Santana said in mock astonishment, her voice rising slightly so that she had to check that Miss Holiday had not heard. Luckily, she was still writing something on the board and hadn't noted their covert conversation. "After I almost took a bullet for you a moment ago?"

"You cursed." Rachel stated matter of factly. "Not me."

"Only because you couldn't!" Santana replied feigning disbelief.

"I was going to say fun,' Rachel informed Santana, a wide grin spreading across her face.

"You were not!" Santana protested.

"Ye…." Rachel started, rolling her eyes and sighing heavily when the rest of her sentence wouldn't come.

"Yeti?" Santana offered, raising her eyebrow playfully.

"Yyyyeeeeeesss." Rachel managed to pronounce slowly.

"Yes a yeti." Santana repeated nodding her head. "Interesting turn in conversation we're having here."

Rachel turned back to face the front of the class as Miss Holiday made her way along the row of desks handing out their text books and reading material for the semester. Once she had returned to the front of the room, she turned her attention back to Santana.

"Thanks," Rachel said to her sincerely.

"What for?" Santana asked.

"Not treating me differently." Rachel managed to say quietly.

Santana felt her insides lurch at Rachel's words and her heart flutter at the sight of the small smile which was on the other girls face as she watched Miss Holiday who stood explaining something at the front of the class. She bowed her head slightly, turning it to look at Santana once again. "It's nice to feel a little bit ordinary for a change." She whispered.

Santana leant back in her chair as Rachel returned her attention to the front of the class. You'll never be ordinary. Santana thought to herself, watching Rachel intently from her vantage point.

"I think you're extraordinary," Santana whispered out loud unintentionally.

"What?" Rachel asked turning her attention back to Santana, having not heard her properly.

"You're welcome," Santana covered and Rachel smiled at her, those soft chocolate eyes lingering on her own a beat too long.

"Ok," Miss Holiday said, causing Rachel to glance back at their teacher who was walking along the row. "Everyone open your copy of 'Frankenstein.' She paused beside Rachel's desk and looked at Santana who was in the process of leaning forward. "Santana would you care to start reading." Miss Holiday instructed rather than asked.

"Sure," Santana said picking up the book and opening it up. She cleared her throat, noting that Rachel's book remained where it was on the top of her desk but she started to read regardless. "You will rejoice to hear that no disaster has accompanied the commencement of an enterprise which you have regarded with such evil forebodings….."


	3. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

The rest of English passed by with relative ease, each student taking it in turns to read excerpts from Mary Shelley's famous literary work out loud to the rest of the assembled class. Miss Holiday would select students at random, allowing them to read a few paragraphs before choosing someone else to take over in their stead. Santana could sense Rachel's growing unease as each of their classmates was selected but, to Miss Holiday's credit, she did not call upon the other girl to participate understanding the difficulties that she may have. Throughout the rest of the period, Rachel didn't pick up her copy of 'Frankenstein' once, instead focusing her attention astutely on each of the assorted narrators as they spoke, her head resting securely in her right hand, her elbow planted solidly on her desk.

Finally, the bell rang and students began vacating the room en masse, leaving Rachel and Santana to speak to Miss Holiday regarding the excessive use of profanities at the beginning of class.

"Santana," Miss Holiday started, perching herself on a desk facing the pair of them. "I won't tolerate language like that in my class from anyone, especially you. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Miss," Santana replied sheepishly. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

"I'm surprised it happened at all." Miss Holiday noted. "I've never heard you curse in class before Santana. I don't mind how you behave outside of my classroom but…."

"Miss Holiday," Rachel spoke up, interrupting the teacher. "It was my fault."

"Rachel…" Miss Holiday started.

"No really," Rachel cut her off. "Santana…she was just trying to…..help…me."

Miss Holiday raised her eyebrow questioningly and Rachel turned to Santana for help with her explanation.

"Don't listen to her," Santana said dismissing Rachel's words indifferently not wanting her to get in trouble. "We both know it was me and I accept responsibility. From now on I'll be on my best behaviour."

"Santana," Rachel protested. "Miss….I star…star….ugh!" Rachel slammed her hand against the desk in frustration and gave Santana a pleading look.

"Ok," Miss Holiday said taking Rachel's hand in her own to stop her from repeating the action. "Take a breath a moment."

Rachel did as she was instructed, not once removing her eyes from Santana. Santana shifted uncomfortably in her seat, Rachel's eyes boring into her so much that she had to avert her gaze. Rachel shook her head annoyed, not wanting Santana to take the blame for something that only happened because of her. Santana didn't owe her anything, she shouldn't be thought badly of by Miss Holiday because she was trying to make her smile.

"I….curs…ed….f…f…fir…" Rachel groaned. "First." She managed to force out, turning her attention back to Miss Holiday who was watching her closely. "Me."

Rachel looked back at Santana. "Please," she almost begged. "T..te…"

Miss Holiday turned to Santana sensing Rachel's distress at not being able to express herself.

"Ok fine," Santana relented, her stomach churning at the sight of Rachel so desperate to get her point across. "Rachel technically started it but, I chose to continue and I shouldn't have."

Rachel ran a hand through her hair in relief, flashing both Santana and Miss Holiday a glimpse of the scar on the left side of her head before a few long dark locks obscured it once more. She rubbed at her left eye before rubbing her temple gently and giving Santana a grateful look.

"She couldn't speak," Santana went on as Miss Holiday eyed Rachel worriedly. "She was frustrated and trying to curse but couldn't so….I cursed for her."

"The report from your speech therapist says that your speech is worse when you're tired," Miss Holiday noted. "Principal Figgins has agreed for you to have a phased return to school. If you need to go home Rachel then we can arrange that."

Rachel shook her head.

"No," she said stubbornly.

"Rachel, you don't need to be a martyr. It's the first day back. Nothing much is going to be happening." Miss Holiday informed her. "It's better to take it slowly this week and build up to a full day properly. Don't try and rush back to everything all at once."

"Please," Rachel pleaded her eyes wide. "I'm ok."

Miss Holiday smiled sadly.

"Who are you trying to convince?" Miss Holiday asked with understanding.

"I don't…want to go…home." Rachel said miserably. "I'm so….sick….of being….stuck…there…please?"

Santana looked to Miss Holiday for a response but none came. Instead the teacher continued to watch Rachel keenly, her mind debating what decision to make for the best. Santana looked at Rachel and felt her herself struggle to hold back the sudden wave of sadness which came over her. Her chest ached, not in the way it had this morning during biology when all her thoughts were consumed with Rachel, a mix of excitement and anxiousness, but, miserably. Everything in her body was telling her to shuffle closer to the other girl, to wrap her arms around her and pull her into her side, her body providing comfort when it felt like no words could.

Miss Holiday sighed in defeat, her mind obviously made up.

"I want you to come and see me after lunch ok?" She compromised. "If you're still struggling then I'm going to have to send you home."

Rachel let out a breath that Santana hadn't noticed she'd been holding and nodded happily, giving Miss Holiday an 'ok' sign with her hand.

"No more swearing," Miss Holiday scolded the girls playfully pointing her finger at them. "Either of you, ok?"

They both nodded their heads in assent.

"Th…thank you." Rachel almost sang.

"Also," Miss Holiday said good-humouredly as she turned to Rachel, "don't encourage it. I saw you giggling and that is just in bad taste. Especially if your friend is getting in trouble because of something you started."

Santana couldn't help but smile at the way Miss Holiday had referred to her as Rachel's friend and she felt the ache in her chest from moments ago dissipate almost immediately to be replaced with the familiar flutter from before. Santana liked the idea of her being Rachel's friend.

"Ok," Rachel replied.

"Ok," Miss Holiday repeated. "Now, get going the pair of you otherwise you'll be late to your next class."

Miss Holiday handed them each a note to give to their next teacher just in case and the two of them stood, collected their things and disappeared into the hallway quickly.

Rachel had US history with Mr Schuester next so Santana escorted her to the allocated classroom quickly, neither one speaking. Every few minutes Santana would look at Rachel out of the corner of her eye, desperately wanting to break the silence which had fallen between them but fearful that she'd somehow hurt her by trying to dismiss her part in the whole cursing debacle. Her stomach churned uncomfortably, like the waves of a sea during a violent storm. Santana hated the thought that she may have offended the other girl, especially because it had all stemmed from an inexplicable desire to protect her.

They paused briefly outside Rachel's next classroom and Santana waited, too anxious to say anything. Rachel may be the one with speech difficulties but right now, Santana felt unable to communicate even a single word, her mouth as dry as the Sahara. She was paralysed, completely fearful of further upsetting the other girl and causing an even bigger rift to form between them.

Finally, Rachel looked up to meet Santana's gaze, opening her mouth as though to say something and then rolling her eyes once again in frustration. Unable to speak again, Rachel stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Santana, squeezing her body for a mere instant in gratitude. It was so unexpected that Santana almost choked on the air in her own lungs, something that was only further compounded by the appreciative smile that appeared on Rachel's face as she turned and disappeared into her next class, the door closing swiftly behind her.

Santana stood alone in stunned silence for a moment, her mind taking a moment to register what had just happened, to appreciate the warmth which had encompassed her whole body at the touch of Rachel's limbs wrapped around her, a heat which had no doubt made her face bright. She smiled to herself as she finally commanded her body to move and made her way hastily to her next class, chemistry. She was already ten minutes late when she stepped into the class but was pleased to find that Mr Stone was receptive to the note which Miss Holiday had provided her. He instructed her to take a seat, and as her eyes scanned the lab for a vacant one she saw an enthusiastic Brittany beckoning her to a vacant place at her station.

Santana's grin grew wide as she made her way over to her friend and she swiftly sat down beside her, flinging her bag under the table once she'd collected her notebook and a pen from it.

"You're late," Brittany observed. "I was starting to think you weren't in this class after all."

"How did you know I was?" Santana asked.

"I managed to catch a glimpse of Mr Stone's attendance list," Brittany informed her.

"Sneaky." Santana replied approvingly. "I like it."

"I've been saving this seat ever since," Brittany told her proudly. "Some guy off the basketball team tried to take it….as if."

"You don't like basketball players?" Santana teased raising her eyebrow.

"More than you do," Brittany joked back.

"Well, I'm flattered that you'd give up sitting beside potential eye candy to put up with me," Santana jested. "I guess that means you like me, huh?"

"Not as much as you like yourself clearly." Brittany said as Mr Stone passed by and dropped two chemistry books on the bench in front of them.

She paused to study the book in front of her for a moment before asking, "Why were you so late anyway?"

"I had to stay back in English for cursing." Santana admitted. "Miss Holiday wanted to speak to me."

"Well, well, well," Brittany started in disbelief, looking at her friend. "Santana Jauregui having to stay behind in class….when was the last time that happened? I thought you were a regular teacher's pet. I can't even remember the last time you had a detention."

"That's because I haven't had one," Santana told her.

"Is this the start of your teenage rebellion?" Brittany asked playfully. "Are you going to start smoking and hanging out under the bleachers?"

"Shut up," Santana said hitting her playfully. "It's not that big a deal."

"I beg to differ," Brittany said laughing. "What happened?"

"I…." Santana started but was cut off by Mr Stone talking at the front of the class. She lowered her voice and continued in a whisper. "I was swearing because of Rachel."

"Oooh," Brittany whispered back. "You have English with your new crush?"

"Yes," Santana replied quietly.

"Was she touching you in inappropriate places under the desk?" Brittany asked making Santana choke on the breath she'd been trying to inhale and causing her to burst out in a coughing fit.

"Everything alright Miss Jauregui?" Mr Stone asked on noting the youngster's distress.

Santana raised her hand in response and Mr Stone continued with what he'd been saying. Once her coughing had finally settled down, Santana turned to look at Brittany who was watching her with an amused expression on her face, which if Santana was honest, she'd kind of like to wipe off it with her fist.

"Oh my god," Santana muttered under her breath. "No Brittany. That is not what happened. Geez…."

Brittany chuckled at Santana's discomfort.

"You're loving this aren't you?" Santana asked her after a moment when Brittany's laughter didn't die down.

"I'm sorry," Brittany apologised leaning closer to Santana and lowering her voice. "It's just you gave me so much crap when I started crushing on Artie that it's only fair that now I get to pay you back for it."

"Ahh," Santana said, tilting her head slightly as she recollected the innocuous teasing she'd given Brittany last year before her and Artie started officially dating. "Fair enough then."

"So," Brittany began her tone more serious. "What really happened?"

"Long story short?" Santana asked.

"Always," Brittany stated.

"She couldn't speak, got pissed, tried to curse and couldn't." Santana said. "So I cursed instead."

"That is probably the weirdest mating ritual I've ever heard of," Brittany told her casting an eye at the front of the classroom where Mr Stone had turned on a video for the class to watch, something about lab safety if the last two years were anything to go by.

"Shut up," Santana said reproachfully. "It wasn't like that alright. I feel really bad for her. I was just trying to make her laugh."

"Is her speech really that bad?" Brittany asked.

"Not all the time," Santana said, "sometimes it's' fine."

"What about other times?" Brittany asked interestedly.

"Other times she can't speak at all." Santana informed her.

"That sucks," Brittany stated simply.

"Yep," Santana agreed. "When I walked her to her history class she couldn't even say anything….just hugged me instead."

"You walked her to her history class?" Brittany asked a grin spreading across her features again. "Wow, you're already whipped and it's only been a few hours."

"I told Tina I would," Santana reprimanded.

"Of course you did," Brittany responded chuckling softly, "because Tina asked you to right?"

"Well, no." Santana replied. "I offered."

Brittany raised her eyebrow in response to Santana's words. "You're so chivalrous Santana."

"Tina had to rush off to her next class," Santana tried to justify.

"Hey," Brittany said, putting her hands up in front of her airily. "I think it's really sweet."

Santana rolled her eyes at her friend.

"No seriously though Lo," Brittany said, "you're kind of adorable when you're crushing on someone. Being in love is definitely a good look for you."

"Woah," Santana protested. "Wait a minute….I don't love her."

Brittany gave Santana a meaningful look.

"I don't," Santana repeated. "I literally just met the girl today."

"By the way, I'd ship it," Brittany stated simply ignoring Santana's protest. "Just so you're aware."

"Brittany!" Santana groaned in exasperation.

"What?" Brittany questioned. "I think you'd look good together and if she can make you this happy and this…" she paused to wave her hand in front of Santana's body, "glowy in less than a day I'm all for it."

"Glowy?" Santana asked.

"You know, bouncy and bright." Brittany clarified. "You and happiness are my OTP. If Rachel makes you feel all jittery and nervous, you know, in the goodway then I'll gladly captain your ship."

"You spend too much time on tumblr." Santana noted. "Remind me to have words with your mom about that."

"You wouldn't dare," Brittany responded with certainty and Santana knew she was right.

Mr Stone stood from where he'd been sat at the front of the class and both Brittany and Santana turned to watch him for a moment as he started to address the assembled students again.

"Having heard about your summer love everyday" Brittany went on in hushed tones. "Dani wasn't it? I can honestly say that I already like Rachel better."

"You never even met Dani," Santana objected.

"Exactly," Brittany said. "Strike one for her."

"You're an idiot." Santana laughed.

"Maybe," Brittany acquiesced, "but, I'd bet you my Beyoncé concert tickets that you haven't thought about Dani once since you spoke to Rachel this morning."

Santana pouted and crossed her arms over her chest causing Brittany to chuckle.

"I thought as much." She replied.

"I hate you," Santana said turning to face Mr Stone.

"No you don't," Brittany replied simply laughing and following suit.

After they'd 'watched' the lab safety video and Mr Stone had discussed the semester's syllabus with them, the rest of the class was dedicated to conducting a few fun experiments until it ended an hour later. Brittany and Santana grabbed their things and headed out into the bustling corridor to merge with what felt like the entire population of the school it was so packed.

"Hey, isn't that your crush walking towards us with Quinn?" Brittany asked as she spotted the two of them making their way down the corridor together.

"Ugh, yeah," Santana replied nervously. "What are they doing together?"

"They knew each other last year right?" Brittany asked. "Didn't Quinn say they took AP math together? Perhaps they've just had it."

"No, Quinn had AP math first period." Santana informed her. "Rachel wasn't there."

Brittany gave Santana a questioning look.

"Me and Quinn have homeroom together," she told her simply. "It may have come up."

Brittany shook her head in amusement as Quinn and Rachel reached them.

"Hey," Quinn greeted the two of them. "You guys on lunch now?"

"Yeah," Brittany replied. "Want to go and find somewhere to sit?"

"Sure," Quinn said. "You want to join us Rachel?" Quinn asked her kindly.

"Thanks but I said I'd meet Tina." Rachel replied.

"She'll find you," Brittany said seriously. "You should come and hang out with us."

Santana gave Brittany a 'what the fuck' look which luckily Rachel missed as she quickly did another sweep of the hallway with her eyes.

"Ok," she said, making eye contact with Brittany again, "as long as you don't' mind?"

"Not at all," Brittany replied and Santana punched her in the leg lightly sensing the mischief in her tone. "I'm Brittany," she said introducing herself and offering a small wave.

"You go to dance with Tina right?" Rachel asked.

"Right." Brittany confirmed smiling.

"Cool," was all Rachel said as the four of them turned and began to make their way towards the quad.

They found an empty table under the shade of a tree and sat themselves down, Rachel beside Quinn, Brittany and Santana opposite.

"So…" Santana said trying to broach the subject tactfully. "How did you two talking?" She gestured between Rachel and Quinn as she spoke.

"Rachel is in my US history class," Quinn answered smirking slightly. "Small world huh?"

"Tiny," Santana agreed worriedly.

"We had to get into pairs for an activity so I asked Rachel," Quinn continued throwing Santana a look.

"We used to have AP math together last year," Rachel informed them, unaware that Brittany and Santana were already aware of that fact.

"Not this year though?" Brittany asked, even though she already knew the answer. She cast a sideways glance at Santana, enjoying her discomfort.

"No," Rachel admitted. "I had to drop all my AP classes."

"Oh," Brittany said. "Why?"

"Brittany," Santana protested.

"No that's alright," Rachel said turning to look at Brittany. "I don't think I'd be able to keep up this year….what with…you know."

"Sorry," Brittany apologised sincerely.

"Yeah well," Rachel replied and Santana kicked Brittany under the table.

Brittany managed to stifle her cry of pain and waved to someone behind Quinn and Rachel who was approaching.

"Hi Tina," she greeted, kicking Santana back sneakily as Quinn and Rachel turned to face their new arrival.

Santana glared at Brittany for a moment as Tina took a seat beside Rachel.

"Hey Brittany," Tina returned before turning to Santana, "Santana," she continued. She glanced at Quinn for a moment awkwardly.

"Hey," Quinn greeted with a small wave. "I'm Quinn."

"Hi Quinn," Tina returned warmly.

"What I don't get a hello?" Rachel asked playfully and Santana couldn't help but smile. It made Santana happy to see this lighter side of Rachel. It was a much nicer than the crestfallen Rachel that she'd witnessed with Miss Holiday earlier today and for that she was glad.

"I see you all the time," Tina jested. "I ain't got time to say hello to you at every opportunity."

"Why am I even friends with you?" Rachel asked laughing, Santana's heart skipping a beat reflexively at the sound.

"Uh, because I'm hilarious," Tina replied. "That's why."

"You are pretty funny," Rachel admitted turning back to face the others and shaking her head contractively and the other girls laughed.

Tina hit Rachel playfully on the arm causing her to wince slightly.

"Crap, I'm sorry," Tina apologised quickly.

"S'Ok," Rachel said through gritted teeth, rubbing her arm with her right hand.

"I'm such an idiot." Tina went on. "I keep forgetting…"

"Tina its fine," Rachel cut her off reaching for the other girls hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "I've been through worse."

No one said anything and Rachel glanced around at each of their faces before saying, "Wow….tough crowd."

The rest of the girls smiled at her as she said, "I guess the accident didn't make me any funnier."

"The good news is it didn't make your jokes any worse," Tina replied laughing.

"Ok hit me," Rachel said throwing her hand on the table.

"What?" Brittany asked confused. "You want me to hit you?"

"No," Rachel clarified. "Ask me about it. I know you want to."

Brittany glanced between Santana and Quinn.

"It's like the elephant or whatever." Rachel tried to explain. "Let's get it out the way."

"Rachel," Tina began to protest but Brittany answered, "Alright then."

"Great." Rachel responded, her body relaxing slightly.

"Was it true that you were in a coma for three weeks?" Brittany asked.

"Yes," Rachel answered.

"Do you remember it?" Quinn questioned.

"No," Rachel said frowning. "It was like being asleep." She paused for a moment, "but without dreams." She added.

"Did they catch the driver?" Santana asked leaning forward slightly, an unexpected anger taking over her at the thought that someone had driven off and left Rachel to die.

"No," Rachel replied. "I don't think so. Not yet."

"Do you miss your life before?" Tina asked, her gaze dropped to the floor.

Rachel looked at her friend a sad expression on her face.

"Do you?" Rachel asked her.

Tina lifted her gaze.

"Sometimes." Tina admitted.

Rachel sighed. "All the time," she answered.

"What do you miss about it?" Santana asked with interest.

"Yeah I mean, you look like you're doing pretty well." Brittany praised.

"Little things really." Rachel answered.

"Playing the guitar" Tina stated knowingly and Rachel nodded her head. "You were really good at that Mila." Rachel smiled at Tina's kind words.

"Writing," Rachel admitted.

"Stories?" Quinn asked.

"Songs," Rachel clarified.

"Singing?" Tina asked.

"Singing," Rachel agreed. "In fact, speaking properly in general."

"You're speech is good though." Brittany noted.

"At the moment," Rachel replied nodding her head and sharing a look with Santana. "Not so much earlier today right Santana?"

"Yeah but I have that effect on a lot of girls," Santana flirted without realisation. As soon as she realised what she'd said her cheeks flushed a bright red and proceeded to get even hotter as she met Brittany's disbelieving look.

Rachel laughed along with Tina and the other girls followed suit.

God I'm such an idiot. Santana thought.

"I miss being able to read more than two lines of text without getting distracted." Rachel went on, taking the attention back off Santana's words.

"You can't read?" Quinn asked.

"I can, sort of" Rachel said, "but I have the attention span of a fish now. I get distracted."

"You always had the attention span of a fish Mila," Tina chimed in smiling.

"True." Rachel granted. "It's worse now though."

Rachel thought for a moment, a comfortable silence falling over the group.

"I miss me," Rachel finally admitted, "the old me." She glanced at Tina. "I know you do too."

"Rachel," Tina said shaking her head slightly.

"No I know you do Tina," Rachel said. "You feel like you're my babysitter now."

"That is not true," Tina protested sternly before abruptly taking on a jovial tone. "I've always felt like your babysitter."

Rachel laughed as Tina pulled her into a hug. She kissed Rachel on the top of the head gently.

"I don't care," Tina continued, "As long as I've still got you around to annoy me."

Rachel pushed Tina gently causing her to laugh heartily and the other girls to follow suit.

"Any other questions?" Rachel asked chuckling at Tina.

"I have one more." Quinn said. "What are you two doing after school?"

Santana gave Quinn a startled looked.

"Nothing," Tina replied.

"Probably sleeping," Rachel admitted honestly.

"Well," Quinn went on, "I normally have these two over for a BBQ at mine the first day back at school, you know, to catch up properly after the summer….you're more than welcome to come."

"What are you doing?" Santana mouthed to Quinn as Tina and Rachel exchanged questioning looks. Quinn responded with a small smirk and couldn't help but feel that she was being completely set up.

"Sounds great! I'm in," Tina accepted thankfully.

"Rachel?" Quinn asked. "What about you?"

"I don't know." Rachel said uncertainly. "My dad…"

"She's in," Tina interrupted.

Rachel looked at Tina and shrugged.

"Ok, well I guess I'm in as well." Rachel replied. "Thanks."

"Great!" Quinn said happily, clapping her hands together and turning to face Santana and Brittany. "That alright with you girls?" she asked them.

"Sounds good to me," Brittany replied her eyes burning a hole in the side of Santana's head who was making a concerted effort not to make eye contact with her.

"Santana?" Quinn asked with a meaningful tone to her voice.

"Sounds like fun," she replied glaring at Quinn in disbelief.

"Perfect," Quinn practically sang winking at Santana.

Santana groaned internally at her friends obvious meddling. Great, she is just what I need.


	4. Chapter Four

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

The girls spent the rest of their lunch break in easy conversation and comfortable joviality, Brittany and Quinn furtively teasing Santana for her crush on Rachel at every available opportunity that presented itself. Much to Santana's relief, Rachel either missed their veiled mocking of her current infatuation or chose to ignore it. Sadly, the same could not be said for Tina, who would systematically look her way after every well concealed jibe, her eyebrow slightly raised and a curious expression on her face. On numerous occasions Tina had caught Santana, not so subtly, she might add, staring at her best friend. Santana felt her face becoming progressively warmer every time she was caught out and could only imagine the luminous shade of red that was spreading across her features. For her part, she tried to conceal the betraying crimson blush by resting her face in the palm of her hands, her elbows propped up on the table in front of her. She was almost positive that this attempt was nothing more than futile, her obvious awkwardness evident to everyone seated around her. Well, everyone, that is, except Rachel. Santana couldn't decide whether she should be thankful for Rachel's obvious lack of perception or hurt, regardless, it was the only thing which prevented her from wanting to curl up into a ball and die of embarrassment right there and then.

Santana didn't know what it was about Rachel that she found so appealing but she was completely incapable of pulling her eyes away from the girl whenever she was in the immediate vicinity. It's almost as though her eyes, which after finally having fallen upon the most impeccable sight they'd ever seen would no longer tolerate having to look at anything less beautiful. As soon as she tried to track the conversation, which, was happily moving from one participant to another, Santana would find herself looking right back at Rachel, her brain trying to burn a permanent image of the girl into her memory for eternal preservation. Despite the energetic conversation bounding around her, Santana's mind was totally preoccupied with thoughts of spending time with Rachel at Quinn's house this afternoon, her stomach fluttering nervously in anticipation. As much as Santana appreciated the opportunity to spend more time getting to know the other girl she was reluctant to have to do it in front of three witnesses who would, in all probability see her making a complete idiot of herself and more than likely assist her with it.

Despite the initial fear that Santana felt at Quinn inviting Rachel to join them for lunch, she couldn't help but feel a small sense of gratitude towards her friend. Santana would never have found the courage to invite Rachel to sit with them on her own and being able to spend time with her was definitely worth the ridicule she had to suffer. Santana was even pleased with Tina's addition to the group. Having spent time getting to know the girl during homeroom this morning, Santana had grown to like her easy and relaxed manner. She hoped that as the year progressed the pair of them would become good friends, especially if, by some small miracle, she ended up dating Rachel.

At the end of lunch, Quinn provided Tina, who was getting a lift home with Rachel after school, with her house number. She informed her that she lived down the street from Rachel and told the pair of them to come around whenever they were ready. Santana felt despondent as they all dispersed to attend their next period, having compared schedules to find that none of them shared any classes this afternoon. Not only did that mean that Santana would have to cease what was beginning to border on obsessively watching Rachel for the next few hours but she would also have no one to distract her from what would likely be a very slow afternoon.

As promised Rachel went back to check in with Miss Holiday and it took everything within Santana not to accompany her, memories of the other girls miserable pleading echoing in her mind. Granted Rachel seemed to have more energy since lunch and her speech had greatly improved since she'd left her outside Mr Schuester's history class, but Santana had a very real concern that Miss Holiday would insist on the other girl going home. Santana worried that if Rachel did go home, it would jeopardise her likelihood of coming to Quinn's later tonight and as a result, Santana's opportunity to see her once again before tomorrow.

After what seemed like an eternity, the bell rang in Santana's final class of the day, social studies and she practically jumped out of her chair she was so eager to leave. She threw her bag haphazardly over her shoulder, almost knocking out a cheerleader who was standing up behind her and made a quick exit out into the crowded hallway. She followed the tide of students vacating the school premises and made her way over to her car where she waited for the arrival of Quinn and Brittany, who turned up no more than five minutes later, smug expressions on both of their faces at the sight of Santana's eagerness.

"Just for the record," Santana greeted them, unlocking her car doors with her electronic key fob and leaning her arms on the roof to look over at them. "I hate you both."

"No you don't," Brittany dismissed casually opening the passenger door and ducking into the empty seat within. Santana climbed into the driver's seat beside her whilst Quinn disappeared into the back behind Brittany. They buckled their seatbelts securely as Santana started up the engine.

"Yes I do," Santana said. "That was literally the most uncomfortable I've ever felt during lunch…"

"Really?" Quinn asked surprised. "Even including that time in elementary school when…"

"Oh my god," Santana groaned to stop Quinn from saying it out loud. "I thought we'd agreed never to speak of that 'incident' ever again?"

Santana paused to glare at Quinn in the back seat who was laughing hysterically at the recollection before turning back to face the front again.

"Wait," Brittany said unable to recall the memory. "What incident are we talking about?"

"You know," Quinn managed to say between her giggles, "that time that…"

"Quinn!" Santana warned.

"Oh," Brittany responded finally remembering. "That incident"

She too burst out into a fit of laughter similar to Quinn's and Santana tried her best to ignore them as she made her way to the exit and pulled onto the street outside the school.

"You know, Rachel didn't even notice your blatant staring," Brittany informed Santana as they made their way home, stopping frequently in the rush hour traffic. "She was completely oblivious."

"Thank God," Santana noted. "I think I'd have died if she'd picked up on the copious amount of taunting that you gave me for me it."

"You are literally the least subtle person in the world San," Quinn stated from her position in the back seat. "Everyone that was in the quad at lunch is probably aware of your crush on Rachel except her."

"I think even NASA picked it up on their satellite," Brittany agreed.

"You've got your work cut out there," Quinn said seriously. "Hard to make a girl fall in love with you when she can't even read the most obvious signs."

"Would you guys drop it?" Santana asked. "I don't even know that she's gay and with my luck she probably isn't."

"She is" Brittany replied confidently. "I can feel it."

"Yeah because your gaydar is so infallible," Santana scoffed.

"Hey, I called Scott Davidson on the football team being gay. " Brittany objected. "Quinn tried to date him if you remember."

"Oh yeah," Quinn said dreamily. "Scott Davidson….such a waste."

"He is hot." Brittany agreed.

"I don't' see it," Santana disagreed.

"Um, you wouldn't." Brittany laughed.

"Just because I'm into girls it doesn't mean I can't appreciate a hot guy when I see one." Santana protested.

"True," Quinn allowed, "but, in all honesty you have the worst taste."

"Agreed," Brittany supported.

"What?" Santana asked. "I do not."

"You yourself said you dated the only closeted lesbian in the school," Quinn supplied.

"Then you hooked up with some random girl at softball camp who you didn't have to worry about ever seeing again," Brittany went on.

"I'm not even going to mention your ill-fated relationship with Michael Dyers when you thought you might just be going through a 'phase'" Quinn continued.

"Everyone knew the only reason you dated him was because of his hot older sister," Brittany confided.

"Kill me now," Santana said, slamming her head against the steering wheel as they waited at a red light.

"It's not all bad," Brittany tried to praise. "I mean you get major points for your attraction to Rachel…in fact if she was the first person you'd ever chosen to date I'd say that you have impeccable taste."

"Thanks I guess," Santana said lifting her head and moving the car on again once the light had changed to green.

"No seriously," Brittany told her. "Rachel's really nice and there are not many people that can look both adorable and hot with a four inch scar across their face but somehow she manages to completely pull it off."

Brittany paused to laugh for a minute, "to be honest it's kind of annoying that she is still more attractive than me after everything she's been through."

"Oh shut up," Santana scolded. "You know you're stunning…I mean, let's be real you're not my type but…."

Brittany pushed Santana playfully on the arm making her laugh.

"You wish I was your type," Brittany told her.

"You couldn't handle me," Santana teased.

"She's right Brittany," Quinn chuckled. "She'd be an incomprehensible mess whenever she's within two foot of you. You wouldn't know what to do."

"I was doing fine with Rachel until you two decided to get involved." Santana returned.

"Oh yeah," Brittany recalled, "your run in with Miss Holiday. You were clearly doing awesome."

"At least I could talk to her then," Santana said flatly. "You two completely knocked me off my game."

Brittany turned around to share a look with Quinn and the pair of them laughed.

"Santana," Quinn said in between sniggers. "You don't have any game."

"She's right," Brittany agreed. "I hate to break it to you Sanny."

Santana groaned as she pulled the car to a stop outside Quinn's house and the three of them got out. She locked the car behind her as they made their way up Quinn's drive.

"Have I told you both that I hate you," Santana said as Quinn opened the door to here house and they all made their way in.

"Daily," Quinn said laughing. "Don't worry though…." She went on winking in Santana's direction. "I hate you too."

Santana rolled her eyes as they made their way into the kitchen.

The girls spent the next thirty minutes preparing a salad and getting the meat ready to be placed on the BBQ. It was an annual tradition for them to get together after the first day of school after spending the summer apart, to catch up on what they'd missed whilst they'd been separated, Santana, almost always having spent a couple of months away at camp. Normally, Quinn's parents were around for the BBQ but this year they were visiting friends, leaving the youngsters to themselves which meant that they'd have more opportunity to discuss the recent advances in Quinn's relationship with Puck. The three of them were sat in the garden, each enjoying a cold glass of ice tea and hearing the particulars of Quinn's first time when the doorbell rang.

Santana felt her heart lurch in her chest at the sound and tried to keep the nerves off of her face, only to find she'd failed miserably when she saw Brittany smirking at her. Quinn disappeared to greet the visitors and appeared moments later with Tina and Rachel, the previous bearing a bag full of treats for dessert.

"Hi guys," Tina greeted, waving enthusiastically as she made her way over to the picnic table where Brittany and Santana were sat. She placed the bag on top of it and sat down beside Brittany. "Sorry we're late," she apologised as Rachel took a seat next to Santana waving in greeting to them both.

"You're not late," Quinn said reassuringly.

"Ok good," Tina replied relaxing a little. "It felt like we were stuck there for ages talking to Rachel's dad." She informed them. "Or was it just me that felt like that Rach?" She asked.

Rachel shook her head as Quinn poured them both a drink from the jug on the table.

"I mean, I can understand her being concerned and overprotective but, geez," Tina exhaled. "I don't think I've ever heard anyone ask so many questions in the space of ten minutes before."

Santana watched Rachel closely, perceptive to the fact she wasn't responding verbally.

"You all talked out now?" Santana asked her.

Rachel lowered the class in her hand which she'd been drinking from and nodded. "Yep," she said having swallowed the mouthful of drink. "I'm…exhausted."

"Seriously though," Tina confided in them. "There's nothing wrong with me and even I'm exhausted after that inquisition."

"She's probably just worried," Quinn offered. "You know, your first day back at school after being so ill. It must have been hard on her."

"I know," Rachel managed to express a smile on her lips.

"Rachel loves her dad," Tina elaborated, "her whole family but, I think I'd find it annoying too if my mine treated me like I was literally made of glass every waking second. Your dad hovers, have you noticed that Rachel? He's like, literally there every time you turn around. He scared the crap out of me the other day when I stayed over and went to go to the bathroom during the night."

A curious expression formed on Rachel's face and Santana enjoyed how adorable she looked when she scrunched up her nose.

"I opened your bedroom door and came face to face with your dad standing right on the other side." Tina answered Rachel's silent question. "I swear I almost dropped dead of fright then and there."

Rachel frowned clearly not recollecting this series of events.

"You were literally comatose in a tangle of pillows and bedding on the floor," Tina informed her. "Remember? You thought it'd be a great idea to eat two family sized bags of skittles and a whole bottle of cola….pretty much crashed out then and there."

"Ahh," Rachel said finally remembering. "Yes…..the skittles."

"Are you two always like this?" Brittany asked in amusement watching the interaction between the two of them.

"Like what?" Tina asked.

"You having to have a conversation for the two of you," Brittany clarified for Tina.

Rachel smiled and nodded. "She…has to," she noted.

"Me and Rach have known each other since we were born," Tina explained unoffended. "I know her inside out and since the accident I've gotten pretty good at speaking on her behalf."

Rachel frowned slightly.

"She's always quick to correct me if I say something she doesn't agree with though." Tina went on.

"Don't you get sick of listening to the sound of your own voice?" Quinn asked jestingly.

Tina laughed and Rachel nodded her head vigorously.

"I don't," she admitted. "I could listen to myself all day and never get annoyed. Rach gets sick of it though. It gives her a headache."

"So….loud," Rachel says in a form of explanation.

"The nerve," Tina responds playfully. "Honestly though, it's not been too bad recently. I think last week were almost back to having normal conversations weren't we?"

Rachel nodded in acquiescence.

"So what happened?" Brittany asked.

"Scchhooolll" Rachel said slowly struggling to say the word out loud.

"Stupid school," Santana responded and she cringed inwardly at how lame the words sounded as they escaped from her lips.

"Well," Quinn offered meeting Santana's gaze and grinning at her embarrassment. "Now is time to recuperate and eat." She said standing and heading over to the BBQ to start cooking the meat ready for dinner. Tina got up offering her help which Quinn gladly accepted whilst Brittany, Santana and Rachel remained seated.

"So Rachel," Brittany started getting the other girls attention, "seeing as you can't talk quite as well this afternoon, let me tell you a story about the time that Santana peed herself in front of everyone during elementary school."

Santana, who was just about to swallow her mouthful of drink almost choked on the liquid instead, spluttering in disbelief and spitting it out to prevent herself from inhaling it.

Mental note. She thought. Kill Brittany.

After they'd eaten, the girls had sat chatting and listening to music, the light slowly diminishing as the evening grew later. Rachel, her body aching slightly from the increased amount of activity she'd done today in comparison to the last few months had shifted position to lay on a nearby sun lounger, listening whilst the rest of the girls talked, nodding and shaking her head appropriately with the conversation and offering a few words here and there as able. At some point she had fallen asleep and the girls, unwilling to disturb her had moved further away from her to laze on a blanket on Quinn's lawn.

"Should we wake her up and take her home?" Santana asked after half an hour had passed and Rachel remained deep in sleep.

"No, not yet," Tina replied. "She hasn't slept through a whole night since the accident." She informed them. "Any undisturbed down time she gets is a blessing."

"Nightmares?" Quinn asks.

"For the most part." Tina confirms. "I can't remember the last time I didn't wake up to find a text message that she'd sent to me at 3 o'clock in the morning."

Santana glanced towards Rachel on the sun lounger, her relaxed features and steady breathing suggesting nothing but a peaceful slumber. She sat watching for a moment, noting how the girls left arm fell across her abdomen, here right hanging limply over the side of the bed. Her hair had fallen across her face slightly, obstructing her face from Santana's view but she could make out her soft lips, slightly purse together as she exhaled.

Another twenty minutes passed with comfortable conversation and an impromptu game of 'Would you rather' when Santana went to pour herself another drink only to find the jug of ice tea was empty.

"I'm going to get another drink," she said, picking up the jug and standing up. "Does anyone need anything else from the kitchen?"

"No thanks," they all replied.

"Ooh," Tina asked as Santana made a move towards the house. "Can you just check on Rachel as you come back? You know, make sure she's still breathing?"

"Why is that a problem?" Santana asked worriedly casting an eye at the sleeping girl.

"No, I mean figuratively speaking," Tina answered apologetically.

"Oh," Santana said relieved, "yeah no problem."

Santana left Brittany, Quinn and Tina, disappearing inside the house to get herself another drink.

"Ok," Brittany said hurriedly. "What's the deal with Rachel? Is she gay, straight, bi or undecided?"

"Why?" Tina asked looking between Quinn and Brittany who were waiting eagerly for a response.

"Santana likes her," Quinn informed Tina. "She really likes her."

"Girls got it bad," Brittany confirmed.

"I knew it!" Tina said keeping her voice low. "She spent all lunch staring at her."

"So…?" Brittany prompted when Tina didn't answer. "What's the deal?"

"Honestly," Tina started. "I have no idea."

"How can you have no idea?" Quinn asked bewildered. "I knew Santana was a lesbian before she even did it was so obvious."

"I don't know," Tina admitted. "It's just never come up before. Rachel was so bad at flirting before the accident that she never even tried. She's never had a boyfriend….or a girlfriend. She's never even kissed anyone."

Tina paused for a moment casting a look in her friends' direction.

"Since the accident she's not very good at reading body language or emotional cues so I couldn't even tell what she thinks in regards to Santana," Tina continued. "I don't think she's even realised."

Tina contemplated the idea of Santana and Rachel together for a moment.

"Oh," she said. "You know, I think I'd actually ship it."

"Yes," Brittany said. "Thank you. It'd be cute right?"

Tina looked back at Rachel and saw Santana approaching from the kitchen and heading back towards them.

"Crap," she said watching as Santana crouched next to Rachel for a moment to check on her then made her way back towards them. "We'll continue this later. Text me."

Brittany nodded her assent as Santana sat down beside them.

"She's out for the count," Santana said taking a sip of her drink.

"Kind of makes me not want to wake her," Tina responded.

"You're going?" Santana asked placing her glass beside her on the floor.

"Yeah, it's getting late," Tina said feigning looking at her watch. "If I don't take her now, she end up crashing here."

"I'll wake her if you want?" Santana offered.

Tina shared a meaningful look with Quinn and Brittany.

"Are you sure?" Tina asked her. "I warn you she's a nightmare in the morning."

"Yeah it's fine," Santana says standing up. "Saves her being pissed at you right?"

Brittany and Tina share a significant smile.

"Ok great," Tina replied. "I'll help Quinn and Brittany pack up the stuff and take it inside."

Tina, Quinn and Brittany picked up the blanket and assorted dishes from the floor and walked up to the picnic table, clearing it between them quickly as Santana made her way over to Rachel.

"Oh yeah," Tina whispered to Brittany as they carried the dishes inside, casting an eye over at Santana who had stopped just before where Rachel was laying. "I think I'd definitely ship it."

They disappeared inside, leaving Santana and Rachel alone outside. Santana placed her glass on the decking beside the sun lounger, crouching down beside it and lifting Rachel's right hand up into her lap from where it'd been hanging. She watched the girl for a moment, taking in every curve of her face, every soft line and committing it to memory. Slowly, she reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind Rachel's ear and out of her face, her breath catching in her lungs as she was able to take in all of Rachel's beauty once again. From her current position, Santana was able to make out the thick scar which covered Rachel's left eyebrow and extending to her forehead and on glancing around the garden to realise that she was alone, could not resist the urge to reach forward and trace it gently with the pad of here thumb. She did this for a few moments, stroke Rachel's brow over the wound, examining the girls face intently until she noticed that Rachel's eyes were open and watching her.

Rachel reached up and gently took hold of Santana's wrist, holding it still for a moment.

"Hi," Santana said her face flushed.

Rachel smiled at Santana tiredly but doesn't say anything prompting Santana to ask, "Cat got your tongue?"

Still silence fell between them and Santana felt her face flush hotter, Rachel's eyes still burning into her own.

"Say something," Santana almost pleaded feeling extremely exposed and insecure.

Rachel released Santana's wrist and ran the now free appendage through her hair as the silence lingers on.

"Are you not speaking because you can't or because you don't want to?" Santana asked her.

Rachel's grin widened playfully, causing Santana's heart to race in her chest, the sound almost deafening.

"Fine," Santana said when Rachel still didn't say anything, "you bought this on yourself."

Rachel frowned for a moment, confused until Santana reaches forward and starts tickling her relentlessly. Rachel squirmed on top of the sun lounger, twisting this way and that in an attempt to escape the continued sensation.

"SSs…." She tried to say, failing miserably. "PP…LLau…."

Santana stops, smiling. "Ok so it's because you can't," she notes.

Rachel groaned loudly and Santana laughed as the other girl hits her arm playfully.

"You're exhausted." Santana stated rather then asked. "You've had a tough first day back huh?"

Rachel hated to admit it but she found herself nodding her head and stuck up her right thumb in agreement.

"Well, let's get you home then," Santana said standing up and offering Rachel her hand.

Rachel took hold of it, allowing Santana to pull her up as Tina re-emerged from the house.

"You guys alright?" she asked, coming towards the two of them just as Rachel managed to get to her feet and almost fell straight back over again.

Tina rushed forward to help steady her as Santana wrapped an arm protectively round her torso and pulled her close into her side to help her keep her balance.

"We should get you home," Tina said standing on the other side of Rachel and copying Santana as they started to walk towards the back of the house. "I know you're tired when your ability to walk turns to crap."

Rachel nodded her head as they made their way through the house towards the front door, Brittany and Quinn joining them as they passed.

"Are you guys going to be alright getting her home?" Quinn asked concerned.

"Yeah, we'll be fine," Tina reassured her and Brittany.

Rachel waved goodbye still wedged closely between Santana and Tina.

"She says thanks," Tina spoke on Rachel's behalf, reading her friends' thoughts.

"No problem," Quinn replied. "We'll see you both tomorrow?"

Rachel nodded her head in the affirmative and smiled, waving goodbye again as Tina and Santana helped her down the drive towards the road.

"I'll be back in a minute," Santana informed the girls.

"I'll leave the door on the latch," Quinn told her. "Come straight in."

Santana and Tina helped Rachel back up the street to her own house, the journey getting progressively easier as she managed to find her feet once again.

At Rachel's front door, Tina took her keys off her and opened it, disappearing inside to open the inside porch. Santana helped Rachel over the threshold step and the other girl turned to face her.

"TTT…." Rachel tried, growling in obvious frustration before having another attempt. "Tthh….tthhh….."

"You're welcome," Santana replied a small smiling creeping onto her lips.

Rachel returned it, nodding her head in appreciation as Tina reappeared.

"You ready Rach," she asked holding out her hand ready for Rachel to take.

Rachel nodded as Tina helped her turn around.

"Thanks for your help Santana," Tina said gratefully as Rachel started to step past her.

"No problem," Santana replied, watching Rachel closely. "It was my pleasure."

"See you tomorrow?" Tina asked.

"You bet," Santana answered and Tina smiled at her sincerely.

Just before she disappeared out of sight, Rachel turned her body slightly, giving Santana one last wave goodbye and a small, perfect smile before Tina shut the door closed behind them.

That last wave, her last smile was more than enough to have Santana humming to herself all the way back to Quinn's house. Santana didn't know what the future held, but, she knew one thing for sure. She'd sleep well tonight; her dreams filled with images of beauty and strength.


	5. Chapter Five

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

After walking Rachel back to her door with Tina, Santana had returned to Quinn's house to help her and Brittany wash up the dishes and discuss their afternoon with their new acquaintances. Santana was furiously teased, once again, for her blatant crush on Rachel but Quinn conceded that her genuine concern for the other girls' well-being was 'all kinds of adorable.' Brittany took no time filling Santana in on their brief discussion with Tina regarding Rachel's indeterminate sexual orientation and informed her that she would be making it her mission to fervently gather evidence and verify it immediately, one way or another. Brittany was apparently so invested in setting the two of them up, that she even told Santana that she would gladly dedicate every waking moment of her life from now on until that end was met.

Santana had laughed at Brittany's enthusiasm but had informed both her and Quinn that, as strongly as she felt for Rachel, she would happily settle for being her friend for the time being and even the foreseeable future as long as it meant that she could somehow be a part of her life. Quinn and Brittany had shared matching tender looks in reaction to Santana's words, both truly surprised by how sincere and innocent she was with her intent towards Rachel.

"She's been through a lot," Santana had informed them, articulating her words easily. "The last thing she is probably thinking about right now is who she wants to date. She has so many other more important concerns to worry about."

Santana paused for a moment to pick up a plate from the rack beside Quinn's sink and wipe it dry with the cloth in her hands.

"I couldn't even begin to fathom how hard the school year is going to be for her," Santana continued as she handed the plate to Brittany who put it away in the cupboard. "I don't know how I'd manage at school if I couldn't read or write properly. She's going to be so busy just keeping up with assignments and school work that she probably won't even have time to date someone."

Quinn handed Santana another plate to dry as she continued.

"I just want to be there to help her as much as I can." Santana told them honestly. "If I can make her life just a little bit easier, even if it can't be as anything more than a friend then I can live with that. Just seeing the smile on Rachel's face would be worth it. Just knowing that she was happy, that her day wasn't quite as bad because of me would be enough for me."

Quinn reached her hands up to Santana's face and squeezed her cheeks gently, her wet hands leaving suds from the sink in their wake.

"You are too cute," Quinn said, returning to the task at hand as Santana wiped at her face with the cloth she was holding. "I feel the same way actually," she continued, picking up a bowl and wiping it clean. "It's almost impossible not to like Rachel, Tina as well, once you start talking to them."

"You want to date Rachel too?" Brittany teased playfully.

"No," Quinn laughed. "That I want to help her out as well if I can. I really hope the five of us can become good friends. I really enjoyed having them both over this afternoon. It felt really easy, like we've known them forever and they've always been a part of our group."

"It really did," Brittany agreed putting away some cutlery in the draw behind her. "It kind of surprises me that we've never really hang out with them before today."

"Well," Santana said, drying the last of the dishes and handed it to Brittany who dealt with it accordingly. "We'll just have to make sure that it's not just a one off occurrence then."

Quinn and Brittany agreed as the three of them vacated the kitchen and ventured into the hallway. It was starting to get late and with school tomorrow, Brittany and Santana had decided it was probably time to head home. The three of them had said their goodbyes, Santana dropping Brittany off at home before finally finding her way into her own bed, her favourite shorts and t-shirt pyjama set hugging her body comfortably beneath her duvet. She'd laid there for a while, a small smile on her lips, her thoughts recollecting the events of the day, her mind conjuring up images of Rachel's deep chocolate brown eyes, her dark hair and her soft pink lips. Santana heard the distant echoes of Rachel's low raspy tone in her ears and the endearing stutter she had when she was struggling to speak, a limitation and frustration to the other girl but perfection to her. For the first time that Santana could ever remember, she'd fallen asleep that night not only looking forward to school but anticipating it with an exhilaration and eagerness that she'd never felt before, and all because of Rachel.

The next day and in fact, over the next four weeks, the five girls fell into a steady routine of shared classes and a further developing and deepening friendship. Every day they would all meet in the quad for lunch and occupy the same table that they had the first time they'd eaten together. Their group was often joined by Puck, Artie and Mike, Tina's boyfriend, in varying combinations and the conversation was always easy and comfortable. Rachel, as part of the extra help she needed in order to keep up with her classes, attended an extra study hall session with Miss Holiday after school every day as well as ongoing speech and physical therapy on a Monday and Thursday evening. Both Brittany and Tina had dance class together after school on Tuesday, Santana went to softball practice on a Thursday and they all went to watch Artie play football on a Friday. Therefore, as the only time everyone was free, the girls chose to dedicate Wednesday afternoon to each other, meeting at one of their homes to watch movies, eat junk food and talk. Today would be the first time that the girls would be spending their regular 'girls' night' at Rachel's house, having already been to Quinn's on the first day of school, Santana's the Wednesday after and Tina's last week.

"So do you need me to bring anything tonight?" Santana asked Rachel, her right shoulder leaning against the locker, propping her up as she waited. They had just finished the math class that they shared together and were standing at Rachel's locker so that she could deposit her books before they met up with the rest of the girls for lunch.

"No, just yourself. Brittany's providing the movie, and Tina the junk food," Rachel answered fumbling with her bag and dropping it on the floor between them. "Shit," she said reaching down to pick it up. Santana frowned, bending down quickly to retrieve the item before Rachel could. She held it out for Rachel who took a beat before reclaiming it.

"That's the sixth time you've dropped something today," Santana asked concerned. "Is everything alright? The last time this happened you had to go home early."

"I'm just tired." Rachel stated simply, taking her French book from her locker and dropping it into the bag. "Don't worry about it."

Santana examined Rachel's face carefully, her eyes taking in the dark circles under the other girls' eyes and her pale and ashen complexion.

"Do you have a headache?" Santana probed further, instinct and understanding propelling her sudden uneasiness.

Rachel didn't meet Santana's gaze, instead focusing intently on moving objects around in her locker, hiding her face behind the door.

"Rachel?" Santana asked, pulling the locker door open slightly to reveal the features that frequented her dreams.

Rachel continued to ignore Santana's question, prompting the other girl to reach for her right arm which was moving around busily with the books in Rachel's locker but achieving very little.

"Hey," Santana said her tone stern and persistent.

Rachel sighed heavily, finally meeting Santana's eyes, her arm still firmly held in the other girls' hand.

"It's nothing," Rachel informed her. "Just stress."

"If it's nothing," Santana began earnestly, "then say something to me that consists of more than just a few words.

"That's not fair," Rachel said pulling her arm out of Santana's grasp.

"Ok, I'm sorry, you're right that wasn't fair but, Rachel, we've gotten to know each other over the last month," Santana replied, closing the space between them to force Rachel's attention. "I can read your behaviour and I know something isn't right." She paused for a moment, her voice adopting a softer tone as she asked, "Please tell me what's wrong?"

Rachel rubbed at her right eye before reaching up and taking a pack of her prescription painkillers from her locker and handing them to Santana. She closed the locker door and turned to face Santana who was eyeing the medication in confusion.

"So you do have a headache?" she asked, her voice uncertain.

"Yes." Rachel answered pointing at the small white container. "I need something."

"Ok," Santana replied holding her hand out to give the container back to Rachel.

She shook her head.

"I can't," she informed Santana, her voice barely audible and shame evident on her face.

"Oh," Santana said, popping over the container and tipping a small pill out into the palm of her hand before transferring it to Rachel's now outstretched one.

"Thanks," Rachel said as she swallowed the pill quickly as Santana put the cap back on the container and dropped it into Rachel's bag.

"That's ok," Santana replied frowning, Rachel's gaze fixed firmly on the floor.

"I'm sorry," Rachel told her, shifting her weight slightly, still avoiding Santana's penetrating look.

"Why do you always apologise?" Santana asked her. "You are allowed to have a bad day Rachel."

Rachel finally lifted her head to meet Santana's piercing green eyes and ran her right hand through her hair. Santana suppressed the urge to cup the side of Rachel's face with her hand she looked so miserable. Instead she settled on rubbing Rachel's right arm reassuringly.

"It's not just today," Rachel responded finally as Santana let the silence linger on between them. She'd learnt quickly that sometimes Rachel just needed extra time to find her words and formulate her thoughts. "It's every day."

Santana felt a wave of despair crash through her at Rachel's words. She hated the thought that she was suffering at any time but to learn that it was an ongoing problem devastated her more than she cared to admit.

"What can I do?" Santana asked desperately.

"Nothing," Rachel answered with a finality that struck Santana hard and caused her heart to falter within her chest.

This time Santana didn't fight the need to hug Rachel and she reached forward, pulling the other girl into her arms and squeezing her tightly. She felt Rachel reach around her torso with her right hand, her bag hanging loosely in her grip so that Santana felt it against the back of her legs. She felt Rachel relax into the hug a little, settling her forehead against Santana's shoulder. She heard Rachel's deep intake of breath, felt her left hand, hampered slightly by the splint covering it, reach up and grasp at her shirt urgently. When Rachel started sobbing into her chest it took everything in Santana not to break down into tears herself and she strengthened her hold on the small form before her, planting a soft kiss to the top of her head. She caught the scent of Rachel's coconut shampoo and heard the Rachel whisper a muffled, "Please help me," against her chest.

At a complete loss as what to say or do for the best, Santana slowly released her hold on Rachel to look at her. She wiped a tear away from Rachel's eye with the pad of her thumb and keeping one arm around Rachel's waist she reached down and took the other girl's bag from her grasp.

"Come on," Santana said, pulling Rachel into her side and guiding her down the hallway.

"Where?" Rachel asked whilst wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her union jack jumper hurriedly, suddenly feeling embarrassed by the questioning stares of the students they passed.

"Here," Santana said pushing open the door to Miss Holiday's classroom and directing Rachel into it gently.

Miss Holiday looked up from marking papers at her desk at the sudden intrusion, her expression changing from one of irritation to alarm instantly on seeing Rachel's face. Santana closed the door behind the pair of them as Miss Holiday stood from her seat hurriedly and made her way towards the girls.

"Sorry for the intrusion," Santana apologised as Miss Holiday navigated a path through the desks.

"What's wrong?" Miss Holiday asked as Santana steered Rachel into an empty chair and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She dropped Rachel's bag on the floor at her feet.

"I didn't know what else to do," Santana stated looking between Rachel and Miss Holiday. "Can you help? Please?" Santana pleaded.

"Of course," Miss Holiday replied crouching in front of Rachel and taking her hand. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing really." Rachel said meeting Miss Holiday's worried eyes, her own still moist from her tears. "It's stupid."

Miss Holiday glanced at Santana who was watching her expectantly.

"I'm sure it isn't stupid," she countered seriously as she pulled up a chair and perched herself on it in front of Rachel and the desk she occupied. "Remember you promised me that you'd' talk to me if you were having problems?" she asked. "I'm going to have to hold you to that now ok?"

"I'm so tired." Rachel informed her and Miss Holiday examined her face closely.

"You look exhausted," Miss Holiday observed. "Are you sleeping ok?"

Rachel shook her head in the negative.

"She has nightmares," Santana added, having discussed them with Rachel and the other girls previously when she'd come into work after a particularly bad night. Rachel had been so tired that she could barely speak at all and had wandered round in a daze for the best part of the morning until Tina had finally convinced her to go to the school nurse who'd promptly sent her home.

"About the accident?" Miss Holiday probed sensitively.

"Yes," Rachel replied, her voice raspier than normal. Santana squeezed her shoulder encouraging and Rachel glanced up at her, a silent question in her eyes.

"She dreams that she's in the hospital again," Santana told Miss Holiday for Rachel, "and that she can't move…."

"Everything hurts," Rachel cut her off. "There's crying but….I can't see where it's from."

She took a breath and rubbed at her temple.

"I can't speak," Rachel continued after a moment.

"She says that there's something in her mouth making it difficult to swallow," Santana explained. "It scratches her throat when she breathes."

"I wake up covered in sweat," Rachel tells her. "It feels like I was back there…."

"Rachel," Miss Holiday said sadly. "These don't sound like nightmares. They sound more like memories."

Rachel looked up at Santana who was watching her closely before looking back at Miss Holiday.

"Have you spoken to your therapist about this?" Miss Holiday asked interestedly. "What does she say?"

"She says it'll get easier," Rachel replied, "but it hasn't."

"It's getting worse," Santana agreed.

Miss Holiday rubbed Rachel's hand reassuringly.

"It will," Miss Holiday said trying to sound promising. "You have to continue to work with her Rachel, it'll get better. It just takes time."

"It's been months," Rachel stated flatly.

"Four months," Miss Holiday told her honestly. "It's only been four months Rachel. That's all."

"I want to be normal again," Rachel replied.

"You are normal," Santana interceded before Miss Holiday could attest to the same thing.

"I'm not," Rachel said dejected. "I'm not normal."

"Rachel…" Santana said, her gut wrenching in despair.

"No," Rachel said harshly. "Please don't pretend."

"I'm not pretending," Santana protested. "You're just as normal as me or anyone else in this school."

Rachel scoffed at Santana's words.

"Listen to Santana," Miss Holiday persisted. "She's right, you're…"

"Yesterday," Rachel interrupted. "My six year old sister managed to tie her own shoes."

Rachel laughed, not the deep sincere chuckle which made Santana's face light up in delight at the sound of but horrible and derisive.

"My sister can tie her own shoes and I can't," Rachel continued. "My six year old sister has better hand eye co-ordination then I do."

"You're being too hard on yourself Rachel," Miss Holiday told her. "You might not be able to tie your shoes but you've made great progress since your first day back at school. Your handwriting is much clearer, you're speech is improving every day, despite a few setbacks every now and then when you're tired or stressed."

"My writing is barely legible." Rachel stated. "Even I can't read it easily."

"It is legible though," Miss Holiday noted. "Could you have said that was the case four weeks ago?"

"I'm just so tired of everything," Rachel said despondently. "I wish I'd died in that accident."

"Don't say that," Santana responded wretchedly. "Don't ever say that."

"It's true," Rachel said not looking at either Santana or the teacher sat before her. "I wish that they'd let me die. It would be easier than this."

"It may be easier," Miss Holiday noted, "but would it really be better Rachel?"

Rachel didn't say anything initially and instead sat picking at the skin around the cuticles of her left hand.

"It would be better for everyone if I weren't here," Rachel said finally, glancing at Miss Holiday.

"No it wouldn't!" Santana protested loudly feeling her chest constrict in fear at Rachel's words.

"Yes it would," Rachel said back firmly. "My parents, Sofi, Tina, you….everyone could get on with their lives if I weren't around to worry about."

"Perhaps we like having you around," Santana said back angrily. "Perhaps we would miss you if you weren't here. Did you ever think about that?"

"You didn't even know me a month ago." Rachel replied heatedly.

Rachel's words stung Santana more than she would ever admit and she felt her heart shatter at the implication of them.

"Tina did," Santana bit back. "Tina knew you. She's your friend, even if I'm not and you know what? She'd be devastated if you weren't here. Do you really think that your death wouldn't have affected her? Do you honestly believe that she'd trade any version of you for the gaping black hole that your death would have inflicted on her life? Do you?"

Santana paused for breath, her hurt escaping in a flurry of words.

"I know she wouldn't," Santana continued quickly, "because I've spoken to her and she told me what it was like to sit by your bed and pray every single day for a miracle that she was told would never come."

"Santana," Miss Holiday said reaching up to place a staying hand on her arm.

Santana yanked it away hastily.

"I know I've only recently gotten to know you," Santana went on undeterred by Miss Holiday's attempts to calm her. "I understand that I've only known you for a few weeks but I can't imagine every going back to a version of my life that you did not exist in. I know Quinn and Brittany feel the same way too."

Rachel watched Santana stunned into silence by her sudden outburst.

"Honestly I have no idea what you're going through, I couldn't even begin to understand how hard it is for you but you think that you're some massive burden when you're not."

"Santana," Miss Holiday cautioned again but she went on regardless.

""We want to help you." Santana told her firmly. "We don't do it because we feel some obligation to you, especially me, having only known you a month of course." Santana almost choked on her own words, they tasted so bitter. "Perhaps it's just nice to be able to do something for a change. We watch you struggle everyday knowing we can do nothing to help you, that it's just going to take time and we're frustrated for you too."

"Santana that's enough," Miss Holiday said reproachfully.

"You might feel useless most of the time," Santana stated, "but you know what? More often than not we feel just as useless too. The only reason that Tina and your parents and everyone else who loves you keeps going is because you do." Santana noted. "Think about that the next time you wish your life away." She finished before turning on her heels and walking out the classroom, not stopping once to look back over her shoulder.

Santana knew it was wrong. She regretted her words the instant that she'd said them. Regretted leaving the classroom as soon as she heard the door close forcefully behind her and had found herself standing alone in the busy hallway. She fought hard to suppress the tears that threatened to fall but was unsuccessful, the hot liquid pooling at her eyes before making tracks down her cheeks. She felt guilty that she'd hurt Rachel, she really did but, she was so angry, so wounded and pained that Rachel hated herself so much that she wished she was dead that she just reacted, no thought, no consideration for how her words would affect the other girl. For the first time, Santana let her emotions completely overcome her; she finally drowned in them instead of treading water as she had been for the last four weeks. They'd grown so close in such a short period of time that Santana felt as though she'd known Rachel for years. She thought that Rachel had felt the same way, but, her words had told a different story and Santana finally knew the agony that people described when they'd had their heart broken.

"Shit," Santana mumbled to herself, taking a breath to try and regain some composure. She ran a hand quickly through her hair. "Shit, shit, shit!" She cursed, slamming her fist against the locker heavily and kicking the one beneath it with her foot resolutely.

"Fucking fuck," Santana swore, turning around and briskly making her way back to Miss Holiday's classroom. She paused for a moment at the door before opening it and stepping inside.

Miss Holiday looked up to look at the intruder but Rachel, thinking it a stranger, had turned her head away from the door to hide her face from view, her shoulders shaking slightly as she tried to stop herself crying.

"Santana," Miss Holiday said compassionately. "I really don't think you should…."

"Please," Santana begged cutting her off, a sad sob escaping her lips, her bottom lip trembling. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry Rachel." She continued addressing the other girl.

Rachel had turned to look at Santana when Miss Holiday had addressed her and was climbing out of her chair swiftly as Santana apologised. She stood, closing the distance between herself and Santana in only a few steps. Rachel threw her arms around Santana's waist and burying her face in her chest as she had done earlier.

Santana embraced Rachel tightly in her arms, only loosening her grip slightly when she feared she might break the already broken and fragile girl in front of her with her vice like grasp.

"Please don't hate me," Santana almost whispered. "Please, I don't think I could bear it if you hated me."

"I don't hate you," Rachel mumbled into her chest and Santana felt a wave of relief wash over her. "I'm so grateful for you," Rachel told her, "for Tina and my family." She continued. "I've never hated you. Never."

Rachel clasped Santana's shirt desperately in her right hand but fumbled with her left, the fingers there still weak and uncoordinated.

"Please don't hate yourself either." Santana said perceptively. "Please…" She paused to swallow hard, her throat thick with emotion. "You're so amazing. You are one of the most amazing people I know. You're so strong and brave and….and incredible. There aren't enough positive words in the dictionary to describe how amazing you are."

Rachel turned her head to look up at Santana who brushed a stray lock of her dark hair out of her eyes. Rachel felt herself smile at the gesture, her skin tingling where Santana's fingertips had brushed it.

"I have so much respect for you Rachel," Santana told her truthfully. "You have no idea how much."

"I need help," Rachel said honestly. "I hate feeling like this. I hate it."

"I know," Miss Holiday placed a hand on Rachel's shoulder, gently separating he girls. Reluctant to let Rachel go completely, Santana entwined the fingers of her left hand with Rachel's right, squeezing it firmly in her grasp.

"Please help me," Rachel asked her.

"Ok," Miss Holiday said, "but, I think you need to talk to someone that's better equipped to help you." She informed. "I'm not the right person as much as I want to be."

She glanced at Santana, a sad smile on her lips.

"Neither is Santana," she told the girls, "or Tina, or any of your friends Rachel. Santana knew that, it's why she bought you to me."

"Are you going to send me to see my therapist?" Rachel asked her.

"Yes," Miss Holiday informed her honestly, nodding her head. "I wouldn't be doing my duty if I didn't. My understanding is that depression is common after any physical trauma but, your report states that there is an extremely high incidence in patients who've had a head injury. You need someone who has experience dealing with that and I don't think it can wait until tomorrow or this afternoon."

"You're sending me home?" Rachel asked.

"Yes," Miss Holiday stated. "I know you dislike going home or being treated differently but this is important Rachel. I wouldn't do it otherwise. You know that."

Rachel nodded in understanding.

"I think I should go," Rachel agreed. "I don't want to be like this anymore."

"Ok," Miss Holiday said pleased with Rachel's decision. "Let's go."

She held her arm out for Rachel who looked at Santana for a moment before releasing the other girl's hand. She took a step towards Miss Holiday who wrapped her arm around the youngsters' shoulders encouragingly.

"Please tells the others where I am?" Rachel asked Santana

"Ok," Santana promised. "I will."

"I'll see you later?" Rachel asked hopefully, her face betraying the fear of Santana's rejection.

"I'll call you," Santana replied not sure whether Rachel would be able to see anyone this evening.

"Please," Rachel said, making a move towards Santana. "It's Wednesday."

"We'll see." Santana said not wanting to give Rachel false hope. "I'll check with your dad alright? If he says its' ok then we'll be there….just you try and keep us away."

"Come on Rachel," Miss Holiday urged. "Let's get you home. The sooner you are, the quicker you'll know what the plan moving forward is, ok?" Rachel nodded. "Santana, come back and see me after lunch alright?" Miss Holiday requested as she steered Rachel towards the door, the youngsters eyes fixed on Santana who offered her an encouraging smile and nodded in response to Miss Holiday's demand. Rachel gave Santana a small smile back and waved a quick goodbye as she disappeared out the door.

Santana stood alone for a moment, wondering how they'd gone from making plans for this evening to now in such a short space of time. She took a little longer to compose herself before heading out to the quad to find Tina and the others. She'd made Rachel a promise and despite feeling completely and utterly helpless to do anything for the other girl to make her feel better, to stop her self-loathing, this one thing she could do, and Santana would, because it was better than doing nothing.


	6. Chapter Six

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

Santana was quick to find Tina, Quinn and Brittany at their usual table in the quad. They were alone today with no sign of their significant others and Santana couldn't help but feel glad. It would be much easier to inform them of the events that had just transpired without their presence. It was early October and the weather, although still dry was starting to get cooler, the leaves outside a beautiful palette of various colours. Santana slid quickly into a vacant seat beside Quinn who looked at her with slight concern.

"You're late," Quinn commented, taking a moment to glance behind Santana in search of Rachel, "and alone." She continued. "Where's Rachel? Haven't you just had math together?"

Santana dropped her gaze to the table, feeling uncomfortable at the attentive looks her friends were giving her.

"Santana?" Tina asked her voice anxious. "What's wrong?"

Santana looked up to meet Tina's worried face, her gut twisting nervously. She knew that she had to tell them everything that had happened, Rachel had asked her to do so, but, that didn't mean it would be easy for Santana. She felt sick just thinking about how miserable Rachel had been, the words she'd spoken echoing hauntingly in her head. I wish that they'd let me die.

"Santana?" Tina asked nervously. "What is it?"

Santana looked between the apprehensive faces of her friends, each one of them evidently uneasy. They all cared for Rachel; Santana could see it clear as day.

"I don't know where to start," Santana admitted honestly.

"Is Rachel ok?" Brittany asked glancing at Tina who was becoming increasingly more restless beside her.

"Physically," Santana said. "Emotionally she's a bit of a mess to be honest."

"Where is she?" Tina asked making a move to stand up.

Santana reached out her hand and took Tina's quickly to stay her. "She's going home." Santana told them. "Miss Holiday is calling her dad to come and collect her."

"I should go and see her," Tina said standing once again and going to move past Santana.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Santana admitted, pulling on Tina's hand once again.

Tina stopped just in front of Santana and looked at her, waiting for an explanation. Santana didn't say anything straight away, just sat silently watching Tina until the other girl took the hint and returned to her seat. Once she was back beside Brittany, Santana continued to explain everything that had happened in the short space of time between now and the end of their last class. Before she could even finish, Tina shot out of her seat and had almost completely passed Santana by the time she had reacted enough to realise what was happening.

"Tina," she said, hurriedly vacating her seat and chasing after the other girl. She placed a firm hand on Tina's shoulder and she turned to face Santana evidently irritated, "leave her. The help she needs right now we can't give to her."

"I can't just leave her," Tina replied tears threatening to fall, her voice catching in her throat. "She's my best friend."

"I know she is," Santana responded with understanding. She pulled Tina into a comforting hug and the other girl reciprocated it, her arms enveloping Santana firmly. "I know exactly how you feel and it is killing me to stay away as well, it really is, but, Miss Holiday is right. Rachel needs to speak to someone who is trained in dealing with situations like this."

Tina relaxed her grip on Santana and stepped back slightly in order to meet her gaze.

"I can't lose her," Tina said wretchedly. "I won't. I've only just gotten her back again."

Santana pulled Tina into her again in an attempt to ease her fears but she felt a complete fraud, knowing that she shared them one hundred percent.

"I don't think she'd do anything," Santana said, trying to put as much conviction into her voice as she could, but, even she heard the doubt in her tone. "She was just…."

Tina looked up at her expectantly.

"Venting," Santana finally finished. "It was just words. That's all. I don't think she's really given the idea any serious thought. She's not…you know….I don't think she'd actually go through with anything…she wouldn't ever…"

"Kill herself?" Tina said quietly when Santana found that she couldn't speak the words out loud.

"Right," Santana replied, nodding her head slightly and rubbing Tina's back with her hand reassuringly. "Plus, she's with Miss Holiday and then her dad will pick her up and take her to see her therapist…it's not like she'll be left on her own or anything."

Tina nodded in agreement, Santana's logic offering some small comfort at least. The two of them moved back to their seats, Brittany placing a consoling hand on Tina's shoulder and wiping away a stray tear which had loosed itself onto her cheek with her other one. Quinn smiled sadly at Santana, threading her arm through hers and holding her hand, entwining their fingers together, their shoulders pressed closely to one another.

They sat together in relative silence for the rest of lunch, the mood among them sombre and thoughtful. Finally, lunch period was over and Santana and the rest of the girls separated to go to their respective classes, agreeing to meet up by Santana's car at the end of the day to contact Rachel's dad and see whether they would be able to see her. Santana made her way back to Miss Holiday's classroom, anxious about why the teacher wanted to see her. She feared reproach for her outburst earlier towards Rachel. She already felt guilty enough for her words but to have Miss Holiday acknowledge them enough to admonish her increased that tenfold.

She knocked warily on Miss Holiday's door, waiting for a response to permit her entrance to the classroom. She entered timidly when she heard Miss Holiday's voice respond 'Come in.'

Her teacher looked up and smiled kindly when she saw Santana approaching the desk at the front of the room, the door quietly clicking back into place behind her.

"Santana," Miss Holiday greeted, gesturing for her to take the seat in the desk opposite her own.

Santana sat down hesitantly as Miss Holiday leaned forward onto her elbows, closing the distance between the two of them. Santana lowered her gaze nervously, waiting to be reprimanded.

"Are you ok?" Miss Holiday asked the youngster, her voice full of genuine concern. "I just wanted to check on you after everything that happened?"

Santana raised her eyes to meet Miss Holiday's and did not doubt the look of surprise which would more than likely be on her own face.

"Really?" Santana asked her. "You're not going to tell me off for what I said to Rachel?"

"Knowing you, I think you're probably already punishing yourself enough for that." Miss Holiday said sympathetically.

Santana nodded her assent.

"Look Santana," Miss Holiday said seriously. "This isn't an easy situation for anyone, you and the rest of Rachel's friends especially. Everyone is trying their best to be there for her. You all care for her greatly and want to help her get through this."

She paused for a moment before continuing.

"Sometimes people need to hear a little bit of honesty in order to help them get some perspective." Miss Holiday went on. "I don't think you said anything that wasn't true or she didn't need to hear."

"I shouldn't have gotten so angry though," Santana noted.

"I agree that your delivery could have been better," Miss Holiday said laughing lightly. "I think under the circumstances it was understandable so try not to beat yourself up about it too much."

"Is she going to be ok?" Santana asked her hopefully. "I mean, she'll get help?"

"Her dad picked her up and they've gotten an emergency appointment with her therapist." Miss Holiday told her. "I think it's important for Rachel to talk about her thoughts and feelings. She talks about the accident, about what happened to her and what she can and cannot do as a result of it but, she never comments on how it made and makes her feel. Sometimes we'll get a glimpse into her head, like, for example today but, not often. She doesn't volunteer the information willingly it has to be drawn out of her."

"She bottles everything up," Santana agreed.

"You've noticed that too huh?" Miss Holiday chuckles.

"It's because she doesn't like relying on other people," Santana notes perceptively. "She doesn't want to admit that she can't do the things she did before. That she needs help. She always looks so ashamed when she asks me to do something for her."

"I think part of the problem is that Rachel hasn't really dealt with what happened to her," Miss Holiday replied. "She's still in denial about how serious the accident was and how close she came to dying. She thinks that because she is back at school she should be back to normal and it frustrates her that she isn't. It is understandable that it upsets her, it really is."

"She doesn't think it is though." Santana said simply. "Understandable I mean. She thinks it means she's weak and pathetic."

"That is precisely the problem," Miss Holiday agreed.

They sat in silence for a moment before Miss Holiday scrawled a note for Santana to take to her next period teacher explaining her tardiness. She stood up from the desk and walked around to where Santana now stood standing.

"You're a smart girl Santana," Miss Holiday said handing her the note and smiling considerately. "It's nice to see that you and Rachel have become such good friends. She's lucky to have you around to support her."

Santana took the note but said nothing, unsure how to respond to Miss Holiday's kind words.

"My advice," Miss Holiday went on, "just continue to be there. Even when it's hard for her and she lashes out or tries to push you away. Especially be there for her then, because that's when she'll need you to be around the most."

"I will," Santana replied truthfully.

"If you ever need to talk," Miss Holiday continued, "about anything, I'm here alright?"

"Ok," Santana acknowledged. "Thank you."

"Stay strong," Miss Holiday noted smiling. "Rachel will get through this eventually. You all will."

"I hope so," Santana said as she picked her bag up from the floor and put it over her shoulder.

"You'll see," Miss Holiday commented. "People are notoriously resilient."

Santana returned Miss Holiday's smile, thanking her once again before heading towards her next class. She sat, her mind preoccupied with thoughts of Rachel and everything that had occurred today throughout this and the rest of her classes until finally and with great relief, school was over. Santana rushed outside to the car park to meet up with Quinn, Tina and Brittany and was happy to find them already assembled, Brittany leaning against the frame of Santana's car, Tina biting her nails nervously, her phone pressed to her ear.

"Hi," Santana greeted. "Is Tina calling Rachel?" she asked of Brittany.

"She's trying to," Brittany answered pushing herself off the car frame, "but she isn't answering. This is the fifth time she's been passed through to Rachel's voicemail."

"Rachel!" Tina said obviously having been invited to leave a message after the tone. "Would you please answer your phone? I'm worried about you. We all are. I'm coming over there if you don't get back to me. Rachel! Pick up the phone! Ugh, if you don't have a valid reason for not answering my calls I'm going to kick your ass alright? Do you hear me Berry? Get ready for a Poly beat down."

"What?" Tina asked as she disconnected the call and noticed the others looking at her with an amused expression on their faces.

"You'll kick her ass?" Brittany asked chuckling lightly. "That's a little bit counterproductive don't you think?"

"Nah," Tina said, "she knows I'm only joking….well, kind of."

"So what do we do?" Quinn asked. "Are we going to go round to see her?"

"Have you tried calling her dad?" Santana asked Tina.

"No," Tina replied. "I thought I'd try Rachel first. I'll try here now though."

Tina selected the contact in her phone and put it to her ear once again.

"So did you manage to concentrate on classes at all this afternoon?" Brittany asked Santana as they waited.

"No," she admitted. "You?"

"No," Brittany said stepping forward a little closer to Santana. "I feel like we should do something for Rachel," she continued. "You know, to cheer her up."

"Like what?" Quinn asked.

"I don't know," Brittany replied honestly.

"Hi, Hiram," they heard Tina say as the call obviously connected. "It's Tina…yeah I know….is she….ok….yeah….should I….is that alright….ok…yeah….bye…."

Tina put the phone back into her pocket as the others waited expectantly.

"She's home," Tina commented. "Her dad said that she's been a bit of a mess this afternoon but that her therapist thinks it'll be good for her to have some friends over."

"So it's a go?" Quinn asked eagerly.

"It's a go." Tina confirmed.

"I have to go back to mine to pick up a few movies," Brittany informed them. "I completely forgot to pack something in my bag this morning."

"I'll drive you," Quinn offered generously.

"Ok, well, we'll head over to Rachel's house then," Santana said. "See you there?"

"We won't be long," Brittany said as her and Quinn turned and started to make their way towards the shorter girl's car.

Santana unlocked her car doors and got inside, Tina following closely after her. They drove together to Rachel's house, Santana pulling up at the curb outside and shutting off the engine. She turned to look at Tina who had made no move to get out of the car.

"You think she'll be ok?" Santana asked nervously.

"I guess there's only one way to find out," Tina said, reaching for the door handle and vacating the car.

Santana followed suit, locking the car with her key fob as they made their way up the path to Rachel's door. It bought back memories to the time Santana had made this same journey, after the barbecue at Quinn's when she and Tina had helped an exhausted Rachel back home. Santana smiled at the recollection.

Tina knocked on the door and shortly after it was opened by a short man with dark hair which Santana assumed to be Rachel's dad. His eyes were puffy and red, his face tired looking and Santana felt herself smile sympathetically.

"Hi Tina," Mr. Berry greeted, pulling her into a warm hug. He'd known Tina since she was born and Rachel had commented once before that they were pretty much thought of as a member of the family by each other's parents.

"Hi," Tina replied hugging him back tightly. "Are you ok?"

They separated and Santana saw Mr. Berry smile gratefully at Tina's concern.

"I'm fine," he said patting Tina's shoulder reassuringly. "It's just been a rough day….for everyone I think." He turned towards Santana. "Hi," he greeted extending out a hand.

"Hi," Santana reciprocated, taking his hand awkwardly.

"This is Santana," Tina introduced.

"Oh," Mr. Berry said in recognition, the two of them not having met up until this point. "It's nice to finally meet you Santana. Rachel talks about you all the time."

"Nice to meet you too Mr. Berry," Santana replied.

"Please," Rachel's dad said, "Call me Hiram."

"All the cool people do," Tina commented and Hiram laughed in response. "Where's Rachel?" Tina asked.

"She's in her room," Hiram replied. "Knowing Rachel she's probably listening to her music." He paused for a moment to gesture the girls into the house. "Go on up girls. Tina you know where it is."

"Thanks," Tina said, leading Santana into the house and towards the stairs.

Santana glanced around, taking in Rachel's home as they made their way through it. She'd not been to Rachel's house before and Santana found that it almost perfectly suited what she had imagined it to be. It was the definition of a family home; there were family photos everywhere, pictures of Rachel and her little sister playing at the beach, a family picture that had been taken in front of the tree at Christmas. It wasn't cluttered, but it wasn't in pristine condition either, instead having that 'lived in' quality which Santana liked.

Santana studied the pictures lining the wall as she made her way up the stairs behind Tina and almost bumped into the other girl as she came to an abrupt halt on the landing and knocked gently on a door in front of them.

The pair of them waited for a moment for permission to enter but when nothing came, Tina carefully opened the door and stepped into the room. Santana followed after her and almost instantly saw the form of Rachel, lying on her side atop the bed, asleep, her earphones in place and the sound of music just audible from where she stood. An open notebook lay on the bed beside her, a pen resting in the crease of it.

"Rachel," Tina said approaching the bed. She perched herself down on the edge of it, her arm reaching across Rachel's body to help keep her balance.

Rachel's eyes opened at the sudden shift in the mattress and she blinked a couple of times before she seemed to recognise Tina before her. She pulled the in-ear headphones out and sat herself up in the bed.

"Hi," she greeted and Tina instantly pulled her into an enormous hug.

"Hi?" Tina asked laughing, "That's all you've got to say….You scared the crap out of me today Chancho."

"I'm sorry," Rachel apologised hugging Tina back firmly. "I didn't mean to."

"It's ok," Tina replied separating herself from Rachel, but brushing a stray lock of hair out of the other girls' eye. "Just, try not to do it again alright?"

"I'll try," Rachel said her voice small.

"Do we need to talk about what happened?" Tina asked her.

"Probably," Rachel admitted glancing in Santana's direction and offering a smile in greeting. Santana smiled back, her hand lifting into a minute wave. "Did Santana tell you everything?"

"Yes," Tina informed her.

"Everything?" Rachel pressed anxiously.

"Yes everything," Tina clarified. "Did you really say that?"

"Say what?" Rachel asked.

"You know…" Tina implored.

"That I wished I'd died." Rachel said emotionlessly.

"Yeah that," Tina replied. Rachel nodded her head. "Do you really wish that Rach?" Tina said sadly. "Would you ever….you know, do something about it?" she asked a hint of desperation in her voice.

Rachel shook her head in response.

"Then why did you say it?" Tina asked her. "I've been worrying about you all afternoon, picturing all kinds of horrible scenarios." She paused momentarily and inhaled deeply in an attempt not to start crying. "I won't sit by your hospital bed again Rachel. I can't do that alright? I don't ever want to have to feel like I did back then again….not ever."

Tina wiped at her face, tears coming despite her best efforts.

"You have no idea what it was like," Tina went on, "to see you in there…..to just wait and wait and….wait, some more. To listen to your dad crying…and Beth….she kept asking questions…she didn't understand why everyone was so sad."

Santana felt her own eyes moisten at Tina's words and for the first time in the last month she was grateful that she'd not known Rachel at the time of the accident. She didn't think she'd have been able to function if she'd been in Tina's place, she felt like she was being ripped in two just thinking about it.

Rachel was crying too now and she kissed Tina lightly on the temple.

"I won't," she said quietly between sobs. "I promise. I'm sorry. Please don't cry Tina."

Tina pulled Rachel back into a ferocious hug, sniffling in an attempt to stop crying.

"I love you Chancho," Tina said swallowing hard. "So much."

"I love you too," Rachel replied kissing Tina on the cheek and tucking her chin into the crook of her neck.

They stayed like that for a moment and Santana wiped at her eyes with her sleeve to rid the tears which were spilling from them.

After a minute, Tina cleared her throat and the two of them separated.

"So," Tina said gesturing for Santana to sit down on the end of the bed so that they could all talk. "How did it go with your therapist?"

"It was ok," Rachel said glancing between her friends. "She's put me on some anti-depressants and I have to go and see her every week now."

"What did she say?" Santana asked her interestedly.

Rachel stroked her arm thoughtfully before answering.

"She says I need to deal with my feelings towards the accident," Rachel said. "That I need to stop focusing on what I can't do because of it and think about the things that I can do."

"Like the fact that you are having a coherent conversation with us without your tongue getting stuck in your head." Tina stated smiling.

"Right," Rachel said smiling too, as though she'd not even really realised that her speech was so much better than it were four weeks ago. "I need to be more positive."

"I could have told you that." Tina said, "You're always so hard on yourself."

"She told me I should write my feelings down," Rachel told them. "Put them in a journal or something so that I can get them out and stop internalising them."

Rachel picked up the notebook on the bed and showed it to the Tina and Santana.

"What's that supposed to say?" Tina asked pulling a face at not wanting to offend Rachel.

Rachel laughed and Santana's heart leapt at the sound. It seemed like a lifetime ago she'd last heard it and she was glad that its sweet music was finally back.

"Well," Rachel replied. "I started writing and couldn't, so I ended up just scribbling all over the page."

"I think it's probably a perfect representation of how you feel," Santana smiled.

"I know right?" Rachel chuckled, a broad grin spreading across her face. Santana felt her own smile widen exponentially in response to it. "I thought so too."

"We should hang it up," Tina said ripping out the page and standing up.

"What?" Rachel said.

"You know, for therapeutic reasons." Tina said, finding some blue tack and sticking the page up on Rachel's wall. "That way you can look at it and I don't know, punch it or something when you feel that way again."

"You're an idiot." Rachel chortled.

"What else did your therapist say?" Santana asked as Tina sat back down on the bed. "Besides to become the next Banksy with your awesome art."

"She told me I should try and get back to doing the things that I used to enjoy before the accident," Rachel enlightened them. "Easier said than done though."

"Why is that?" Santana asked.

"Because…" Rachel said, "The things I used to enjoy were playing my guitar, reading and writing. I can't do any of them very well."

"Yeah but practice makes perfect right," Santana said standing up and picking up the guitar resting against the wall in the corner of Rachel's room.

Rachel looked dubious but took the guitar in her hands. It felt alien to her, cumbersome and weighty.

She tried to curve her left hand around the neck of the guitar but struggled to manoeuvre her injured hand easily, the fingers not responding to the commands of her brain. Rachel grimaced slightly, her wrist painful and stiff in the splint she had on, her muscles protesting to being stretched more than they had been over the last few months.

"Here," Santana said reaching for Rachel's wrist as she opened and closed her fingers quickly to encourage some sensation back into them.

Santana gently undid the splint and paused, studying the now evident damage to Rachel's arm. A thick, angry looking scar ran the length of Rachel's forearm and across her wrist into the palm of her hand. Santana examined Rachel's hand closely, stroking her thumb across the blemish until Rachel pulled her arm away self-consciously.

"It's ugly I know," Rachel said pulling her sleeve down to cover it up.

"No it's not," Santana told her pointing at the scar on her forehead and then to the one on the left side of her head. "Neither are they."

"I think they're kind of cool," Tina said seriously. "I don't have any scars…I'm kind of boring."

"Trade you," Rachel responded teasingly.

"A scar simply means that you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you," Santana stated thoughtfully. "Or….kill you in your case I suppose."

Rachel laughed despite the joke being in bad taste.

"I love that." Tina said. "Did you just make that up?"

"No," Santana admitted, "I saw it on tumblr."

"I should have known," Tina replied laughing. "Tumblr is full of wisdom."

"Seriously though Rachel," Santana said reaching out and taking back her arm to roll up the sleeve which was now covering the imperfection. "Don't ever be embarrassed or ashamed of your scars. Like Demi Lovato said they're, 'beautiful in a way. They show what you've been through and how strong you are for coming out of it.'

"You like Demi Lovato?" Rachel asked excitedly.

"Are you kidding? I love her," Santana answered enthusiastically.

"Me too!" Rachel replied happily.

"Do you know how to play any of her songs?" Santana asked Rachel.

"Of course," Rachel said feigning indignation.

"Heart attack?" Santana asked her.

"What?" Rachel questioned uncertainly.

"Try and play it." She clarified.

"Oh," Rachel said, her brow furrowing in concentration. She stuck her tongue out as she tried to wrap her hand around the neck of the guitar once more. She managed to get her fingers connected to the strings but was unable to co-ordinate her fingers enough to make a chord. "Crap," she cursed. "I can't get my fingers in the right position. They feel numb."

Santana scooted closer to Rachel her left hand grasping the neck of the guitar.

"Ok," she said, "How about this….I'll make the chords and you do the strumming pattern."

Santana placed her free arm around Rachel's torso so that it was out of the way.

"Are you serious?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Santana said, "Why not? I've played the guitar since my dad taught me as a kid."

Rachel looked at Tina who was smiling encouragingly.

"Alright," Rachel said and she looked for Santana to form the first chord.

Slowly, the two of them managed to work their way through the song, Santana moving her hand instinctively to form the notes whilst Rachel strummed the tune.

"See," Santana said happily once they'd finished. "Easy. Now, this time, don't worry about the chords, just play as if you were doing them yourself. I'll keep up with you."

Once again they played the song, this time the two of them working in unison so that it was almost perfect. Tina even sang along to the music, her voice filling the room whilst Rachel laughed cheerfully.

"We did it," Rachel exclaimed afterwards. "Did you see that? I actually kind of did it."

"So you'll practice?" Santana asked her, "Then in a few days you'll be able to form one chord yourself, ok? That's your mission."

Rachel's chuckle filled the room and both Santana and Tina shared delighted looks.

"Ok," Rachel almost sang, "Yeah, alright. I will."

"Aww yay," Tina said pleased. "I've really missed you playing the guitar Rachel. You were so good at it."

"Will you help me practice?" Rachel asks Santana hopefully. "Maybe if I get good enough we can play guitar together?"

"I'd really love that," Santana said honestly.

"Me too," Rachel told her truthfully. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me," Santana told her seriously, "The look on your face right now is all the thanks I'll ever need. Its' so nice to see you smiling again."

"Amen," Tina agreed.

Rachel's features broke into a face eating grin and she chuckled, a light, easy laugh which made elated Santana more than she'd ever thought possible. Santana was so content and happy in that moment that she didn't think she could feel any better if someone came in and told her she'd won the lottery.

Santana was proven wrong however when Rachel leant over and planted a quick grateful kiss on her cheek before saying, 'thank you' once more. Santana's smile grew even wider, her hand reached up to touch the spot carefully in surprise. Her head felt light and giddy and her heart had seemingly grown ten times as large in her chest, its beat pounding in her ears loudly. Santana thought that if it were possible to die of happiness, she would have drop dead on the spot right then and there.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Merry Christmas!**

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

Rachel placed her guitar down onto the floor in front of her and practically bounced up off the bed. She spun on her heels quickly to face Santana and Tina, the smile from moments ago still just as evident, her eyes sparkling with joy. "Do you guys want something to drink?" she asked them both.

"Sure," Tina said lightly. "Do you have any Cola?"

"I'm not sure," Rachel admitted. "I'll see what I can do." She turned to look at Santana who was staring off into space, a dazed expression on her face. "Santana?" Rachel asked again.

As if just realising that Rachel had spoken to her, Santana turned to meet her questioning gaze.

"Sorry what?" she asked evidently not hearing Rachel's question, her mind replaying the moment that Rachel had kissed her over and over again in her head.

"Do you want something to drink?" Rachel asked again.

"Yeah that'd be good, thanks." Santana virtually stuttered out.

"Ok I'll be right back," Rachel replied before whirling around to vacate the room.

Santana reached her hand back up to the spot on her cheek where Rachel's lips had pressed against it.

"Just breathe Santana," Tina said chuckling to herself in amusement. She had shifted position on the bed so that she was lying on her stomach, her head at the foot of it, facing towards the door. "Take a moment, compose yourself and re-learn how to articulate your words properly."

"You saw that right?" Santana asked, stroking her cheek lightly, still in shock.

"Yes I saw it," Tina laughed. "Even if I hadn't, I'd probably have guessed that something had happened. You're acting like a love-struck puppy and your face is probably the reddest I've ever seen it."

"Oh god," Santana said. "Really?"

"Really." Tina confirmed. "If you were blushing any more you'd probably be able to fill in for Rudolph and guide Santa's sleigh at Christmas….I mean, don't get me wrong, its super adorable. You're just rubbish at keeping your feelings off of your face, so to speak."

"Do you think Rachel noticed?" Santana asked her nervously.

Tina waved her hand indifferently. "Don't be ridiculous." Tina reassured her. "Rachel is literally oblivious."

"Ok good," Santana sighed relieved.

"Good?" Tina asked surprised by Santana's reaction. "I thought you really liked her."

"I do," Santana told her. "It's just, geez, she needs me right now as a friend. There's no way I'd want to jeopardise that."

"Aw," Tina said, "You are so cute." She reached over and pinched Santana's cheeks teasingly before taking on a more serious tone. "Thank you for what you just did for her Santana." She said gratefully. "I haven't seen Rachel's face light up like that since before the accident."

Santana smiled at Tina's praise. "I totally trust you with her," Tina continued, "and that's really hard for me to admit because I'm pretty much suspicious of everyone when it comes to Rachel. I just don't want anyone to hurt her."

"Me neither," Santana reciprocated.

"Guess what?" Tina said her voice hushed as though she was about to divulge the biggest secret ever to Santana. "I've actually got my fingers crossed that one day you and Rachel will get together and she'll feel about you the way that you so obviously feel about her."

"You do?" Santana asked surprised.

"Yeah," Tina informed her. "You've already given her so much that it's only fair that you eventually get something back."

Santana felt her face redden even more, her cheeks burning painfully.

Tina chuckled loudly. "Oh my God," She exclaimed. "Not like that, I mean, you know, a relationship….girlfriends, like….ewww….nothing sexual. I don't want to be thinking about things like that…especially about my best friend….I mean yes…nothing against it…do it…I totally ship it, just…please…I don't ever want to hear about it…eww…"

Santana felt herself grow extremely hot and bothered at the thought of her and Rachel together. She cleared her throat, jumping up from the bed hurriedly.

"Umm, yeah ok, so subject change?" Santana asked hopefully.

"Please," Tina pleaded, an awkward silence falling between them at the unexpected route their conversation had taken.

Luckily, before either of them had to try and come up with something else to say, Rachel appeared in the doorway carrying a handful of glasses. Quinn and Brittany appeared behind her with a bottle of cola, a handful of DVD's and a bag of popcorn.

"Look who turned up whilst I was in the kitchen," Rachel said as she put the glasses on the floor.

Brittany eyed Santana suspiciously, taking in her friends crimson face and agitated stance.

"Everything alright?" she asked Santana, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"Fine," Santana said swinging her arms back and forwards, clapping them together.

"Then why are you acting so weird?" Brittany asked as all eyes in the room turned to face Santana, including Rachel's.

"I'm not acting weird," Santana said. "I'm fine….perfect in fact."

Brittany tilted her head slightly and shared a look with Tina who mouthed, 'I'll tell you later.'

"Don't you dare!" Santana said noticing the exchange and causing the other two girls to laugh.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked clearly feeling as though she was missing out on something.

"Nothing," Santana responded quickly. "Not a thing."

"O…k…." Rachel said drawing out the word. "Even I think you're acting a little weird now."

Santana threw Tina a terrified look and she gave her an apologetic one in response.

"Did I miss something?" Rachel asked when no one said anything. "What's going on?"

"Well," Quinn said, drawing Rachel's attention away from Santana long enough for the girl to draw her finger across her throat in a blatant threat before pointing at both Tina and Brittany. "Ugh, you see, the thing is…."

"We thought you needed cheering up," Brittany continued, "You know, after today so…we kind of planned a surprise for you."

"Oh god," Santana groaned dreading where this might be heading.

"Really?" Rachel asked with thinly veiled eagerness. "You didn't have to."

"We know we didn't have to," Brittany said, stressing the word and wrapping one arm around Rachel's shoulders to pull her into a side hug. "We wanted to because you're our friend and you've had a crap day."

"Just for the record," Quinn added. "You can always talk to us. You know we'll always be here for you."

Rachel smiled at Quinn's words and reached out to take one of the smaller girls' hands in her own. She squeezed it thankfully.

"So…." Tina said intrigued. "What's this surprise then?"

"Oh!" Brittany exclaimed. "Ok, so close your eyes Rachel."

"Are you serious?" Rachel asked nervously.

"Yeah," Brittany said laughing. "Don't worry I'm not going to pants you or anything." She winked at Santana and the brunette thought she might die of embarrassment. Luckily, it went unnoticed by Rachel. Santana was really starting to appreciate her inability to read some situations and pick up on subtle or in some instances not so subtle behaviours.

Rachel laughed, closing her eyes.

"Ok, hold out your hand." Brittany instructed, turning excitedly to Quinn who pulled an envelope out of her purse.

Santana looked at them in confusion whilst Brittany placed the envelope into Rachel's hands.

"Right, open your eyes." She said excitedly.

"Oh cool," Rachel said looking at the object in her hands and not understanding. "An envelope."

"Well open it," Quinn prompted.

"Geez Rach," Tina muttered. "Don't you remember what an envelope is for? It's to put things in, duh?"

"Right," Rachel said turning the envelope over in her hand and opening the back up. "Of course, I knew that. I did not assume that's all I was getting."

Rachel pulled out the contents of the envelope, dropping one of the small rectangular cards onto the floor due to the poor dexterity in her left hand. It landed face up and Santana saw what the girls had given her immediately.

"Oh my God," Santana exclaimed in disbelief. "You're giving her your Beyoncé concert tickets?!"

"Wait what?" Rachel said as she bent down to pick up the one she'd dropped. "Are you joking? I can't accept these! You've been so excited about going to see her next month!"

"Tough," Brittany said folding her arms across her chest defiantly, "because I've given them to you now so you have to take them."

Rachel held out the tickets to her. "Ugh, no way." She said. "I mean, it's an amazing thought, really, thank you but, I couldn't take them."

"Well, I'm not taking them back." Brittany replied standing her ground. "So you have to go."

"I'll go," Tina interrupted jokingly.

Rachel looked at her friend and frowned. "Tina you're not helping."

"Sure she is," Brittany said. "See it's perfect. I had two tickets so you and Tina can go together."

"What about you?" Rachel asked. "You've been dying to see Beyoncé live. It was all you talked about for the entire day when your tickets turned up."

"Yeah well," Brittany said waving her hand dismissively. "I'll catch her another time."

"Quinn?" Rachel asked.

"Hey," Quinn replied holding up her hands, "It's nothing to do with me. They're Brittany's tickets and it was her idea."

"You're actually doing me a massive favour," Brittany told her. "I could only get two tickets and I couldn't decide who to take; Santana or Quinn. Now I don't have to choose. It's a win all round."

Rachel held the tickets back out to Brittany trying to force them back into her hands.

"Rachel please take them," Brittany told her. "I want you to have them, really. You deserve something good after all the crap you've been through."

Rachel looked at Tina, her eyes asking a silent question. Tina nodded in approval, knowing exactly what Rachel was thinking before she'd even spoken a word.

"I'll only take them if you come with me," Rachel said turning back to Brittany. "Please?"

Rachel stuck her bottom lip out pouting and Santana almost felt her legs give out it was so adorable.

"Ugh, fine," Brittany relented laughing. "Geez, how do you do that with your face?"

Rachel's features broke out into a wide grin. "It's a talent," she admitted before throwing her arms around Brittany's neck and hugging her excitedly.

Quinn clapped her hands happily as she watched the two of them.

"Thank you," Rachel said gratefully. "This is seriously amazing. What did I do to deserve you guys?"

"You almost died after being hit by a car," Tina said deadpanning. "I think the universe owes you one."

"Or five," Santana concurred.

"Get ready to booty pop Rachel. I've heard her show is amazing." Brittany informed her.

"Oh, yeah, no," Rachel replied. "I can't dance."

"Oh," Brittany said. "Sorry, I didn't know. I guess I should have thought…."

Tina burst out into the loudest laugh at Brittany's words, cutting them off.

"What's so funny?" Quinn asked laughing too, Tina's hysterics infectious.

"It's not because of the accident Brittany," Tina told the other girl, her body physically shaking with her amusement. "She just can't dance. Why do you think she's never come to dance class with me? She has like no rhythm. She's literally the most awkward dancer I've ever seen."

"Oh," Brittany responded, bursting out into laughter herself.

"I can't help it!" Rachel protested. "I've just never been good at dancing."

"It's ok," Brittany reassured her. "I'll teach you."

"My stomach hurts from laughing so much," Tina said clutching at her abdomen where a stitch was starting to form. She rolled over slightly to make herself more comfortable only to end up falling over the side of the bed with a thud onto the floor.

The rest of the girls burst out into laughter at her predicament and Tina, who found her misfortune even more hilarious just laughed the harder for it.

Once Tina had finally managed to compose herself enough to climb back onto the bed, the five of them settled down to watch some movies. Quinn and Brittany sat on the floor at the foot of the bed, facing the TV fixed to Rachel's wall opposite her bed, in the corner of her room. Santana lay on her stomach, her head at the end of the bed, resting in the palms of her hands, propped up on her elbows. Tina and Rachel sat together, their backs against the head board, Rachel's head resting comfortably on Tina's shoulder. Their hands were held together in Tina's lap and she was stroking the back of Rachel's soothingly with her thumb as they watched the movie Brittany had brought with her, Easy A.

"Ugh, I love Emma Stone," Santana murmured as she appeared on screen donning a corset. "She's so attractive and hilarious. She's my celebrity crush."

"I thought Lana Del Rey was your celebrity crush?" Brittany asked.

"She's my celebrity music crush." Santana stated. "Plus she's my idol so there's that."

"Wait there's different kinds of celebrity crushes?" Brittany asked turning her head around to look at Santana.

"Yeah," Santana said frowning slightly. "Of course there is."

"Ok, so what are the other kinds?" Brittany asked.

"There are loads," Santana told her, 'plus you can have multiple in each category." She lifted her head to count them off on her fingers. "Let's see, there's musical crush, movie star crush, TV show crush, sports crush, TV personality crush, Vlogger crush…."

"Ok, ok," Brittany said laughing, "I get the point."

"Do you have any male celebrity crushes?" Rachel asked innocently.

"I used to fancy Nick Jonas before I realised I was a lesbian," Santana stated matter of factly. "Logan Lerman as well actually."

"Wait, you're a lesbian?" Rachel asked sounding surprised.

"Yeah," Santana replied laughing. "Did you seriously not know?"

"No," Rachel answered honestly.

Quinn and Brittany turned to look at Rachel disbelief on their faces.

"You're kidding right?" Quinn asked her, chuckling in amusement.

"Santana is like, not subtle about it." Brittany said also laughing. "The other day she was practically drooling over Miss Holiday at school."

"Oh my God," Santana said, "I was not."

"Yes, you were," Brittany rebuffed. "She's totally your hot teacher crush."

"I really like Miss Holiday," Rachel commented. "She's been really nice to me since I've been back at school."

"Yeah but you don't fancy her like Santana does," Tina responded probingly. "Do you?"

"Well, no," Rachel replied. "I guess not."

"Who's your celebrity crush Rachel?" Quinn asked.

"Mine?" Rachel questioned back.

"Yeah," Quinn confirmed.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully. "I haven't really thought about it."

"You can't think of one person?" Brittany asked her.

Rachel seemed to take a moment to think about her next words before she replied.

"Well, I don't fancy them but I really like Ed Sheeran, One Direction, Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato." Rachel answered.

"They're not celebrity crushes if you don't fancy them though," Tina said seriously. "They're just people you idolize."

"There's not one famous person that you've thought about kissing?" Santana asked her interestedly.

"No," Rachel said. "Is that weird?"

"A little," Tina replied.

"Huh," Rachel said thoughtfully.

"What?" Quinn asked.

"I'm trying to think if I did before the accident," Rachel responded.

"You think it's related to your head injury?" Brittany asked.

"I don't know," Rachel admitted honestly. "I just don't think about other people like that. I can't remember if I ever did before."

"You never mentioned it to me if you did," Tina told her.

"Ok well, what about at school?" Brittany asked eyeing Santana meaningfully.

Santana glared back at her silently pleading for her to not go down this route.

"Do you like anyone there?" Brittany continued.

"I like you guys," Rachel said smiling.

"Yeah but we're your friends." Tina said laughing. "I'd hope that you'd like us."

"Romantically, is there anyone who catches your eye? Perhaps we can set you up?" Brittany asked eagerly.

"Well, what about Santana?" Rachel countered. "She's not seeing anyone, are you?"

"What?" Santana asked her heart stopping in her chest.

"Aren't you going to try and set her up too?" Rachel clarified.

The other girls gave each other a significant look, each of their faces showing complete disbelief at what they had thought Rachel had been implying.

"I've been trying to set Santana up for ages," Brittany told Rachel. "She's only got eyes for one person. No matter how hopeless that seems."

"Who?" Rachel asked.

"No one you know," Santana informed her nervously, decidedly uncomfortable at where this conversation was quickly going.

Rachel moved in the bed to lie on her stomach alongside Santana. She turned to look at her once she was comfortable.

"Do you love them?" Rachel asked her earnestly.

"Well I don't know about that," Santana replied, feeling extremely exposed with her face so close to Rachel's.

"She does," Brittany said unhelpfully, earning her yet another glare.

"What's it feel like, love I mean?" Rachel asked enthusiastically.

"I don't know Rachel," Santana said running a finger through her hair. "It's just a crush really."

"Well, what does it feel like?" Rachel asked fascinated.

"I'm like the only single person besides yourself here," Santana commented. "Surely, these guys are better placed to answer that question?"

"Anyone can answer," Rachel said glancing around at the others. Santana took a moment to catch her breath gratefully at the reprieve.

"I don't know," Brittany answered. "I guess you think about them all the time."

"I always want to speak to Puck when we're not together," Quinn agreed. "It's like the minute he's not around I want to see him again."

"You find things about them annoying," Tina said after considering the question, "but, deep down you actually really like those things."

"You think everything about them is perfect," Santana added. "Even those things that they don't like about themselves."

"You want to share everything with them," Brittany said. "You know, like, if I'm out and see something I find funny I'll always want to tell Artie about it, even if it's something really ridiculous and small."

"You keep looking at them all the time," Tina told her. "Even if it's just a quick glance because you think they're the most attractive person you've ever met."

"I like the way Puck makes me feel special," Quinn shared. "Like there's nowhere else he'd rather be than with me. How he's always trying to make me laugh and compliments me on the way I look."

"You can't help but smile when they're around or you're thinking about them," Santana offered. "You smile so much that it makes your face ache but in a good way."

Rachel was lying on the bed, her head propped up on her elbow watching the girls, a wistful expression on her face. She turned her attention to Santana and smiled, their eyes meeting. Santana smiled back at her.

"Now I really wish I had a crush on someone," Rachel stated dreamily. "It sounds so nice."

"It sounds nice," Santana agreed. "It is actually one of the most painful things I've ever experienced in my life."

"It is," Rachel asked dropping her voice slightly incredulous.

Santana looked at Rachel's soft lips, literally inches from her face and swallowed hard before answering.

"You have no idea," she answered.

"Especially when the other person doesn't feel the same way," Brittany observed, giving Santana an understanding look.

"You don't tell the other person?" Rachel asked.

"No, you'd tell the other person," Tina noted giggling, 'because since your accident, your brain has no filter and just says what its thinking, although, I'm not a hundred percent sure that you didn't do that before as well."

"Surely it's nice to know that someone likes you?" she pressed.

"It is," Brittany agreed. "It's really nice."

"So why wouldn't you tell them?" Rachel asked.

"Because," Santana started, "It'd be too painful if they didn't feel the same way so you protect yourself. You just admire them for a far hoping they'll come to the realisation that they like you too."

"That's stupid," Rachel said scoffing.

"Maybe," Santana replied.

"I'd love to know someone liked me," Rachel said dreamily. "Especially now."

"What do you mean especially now?" Quinn asked.

"You know, what with my scars and everything?" Rachel said.

"What are you talking about?" Tina asked. "You're still stunning you little idiot."

"Besides," Santana started. "People might be attracted to someone by their appearance initially but it's the person they fall in love with, all those little characteristics and quirks that make them, well, them."

"If you really like someone, you like all of them." Quinn concurred.

"Well," Rachel said turning back to face Santana. "I think you should tell your crush how you feel. Perhaps they do like you but they just haven't realised it yet."

Santana watched Rachel closely, their eyes locked together for a moment. She could feel the eyes of the other's in the room watching her as well, waiting to see if she'd confess everything to Rachel. How she couldn't stop thinking about her, how she was just wanted to be around her all the time, to see her smile and hear her laugh. Laure tried to read if anything was there, whether it was some backhanded way of Rachel telling Santana that she knew how she felt and wanted her to say it out loud. Santana felt her heart skip at the prospect but logic dictated that Rachel really was clueless to her attraction. From everything that she'd just said Rachel would be the first person to admit it if she had feelings for Santana or anyone for that matter. She tried not to look disappointed as she said, "Maybe one day," she said simply.

"Not today though?" Rachel asked.

"No," Santana confirmed. "Not today."


	8. Chapter Eight

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

"Ugh," Santana groaned as she dropped down into the empty seat beside Rachel in Monday's homeroom.

It had been four days since the girls' had gathered at Rachel's house for their regular Wednesday night movie marathon. Four days and yet Santana still could not rid her thoughts of the conversation that had transpired between them all. Most prominently featured in her mind were Rachel's words, "I'd love to know someone liked me." Was there ever a more perfect opportunity for Santana to admit her feelings for Rachel? Santana didn't think so. In fact, she'd lived in a constant state of regret since that night, visions of fictitious scenarios and responses, all favourable, formulating in her head.

It didn't help that Rachel, who remained almost completely unaware of Santana's ever increasing crush on her, managed to rub salt in the constantly growing wound by unintentionally being an infuriating paradox of adorable and sexy all at the same time. Every day Santana would find herself learning something new about Rachel and she soaked the information up eagerly like a sponge. She wanted to know everything there was to know about this girl who, only a couple of months ago she'd never even spoken to, but, now, she couldn't fathom her life without.

"Ugh, back at you," Tina replied jokingly.

She was sat at the desk in front of Rachel, Quinn beside her, in front of the seat Santana now occupied, and had looked up at hearing her somewhat dramatic entrance.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asked.

"I'm just over today already," Santana moaned resting both arms on her desk and leaning down to place her head on top of them.

"Why?" Quinn asked. "What happened?"

"Well firstly," Santana said, turning her head slightly to look at the girl in front of her. "I woke up late and had to skip breakfast so I'm starving and then I get accosted in the corridor by Bree Murphy."

"Bree? Your not so out of the closet ex-girlfriend?" Quinn asked surprised.

"The one and only," Santana said sitting back up and sighing heavily. It was only then that she noticed that Rachel, her nose buried in a copy of Harper Lee's 'To Kill a Mockingbird' was silently holding out a granola bar across the gap in the desks.

"Thanks," Santana said taking the snack gratefully and opening it up.

Rachel didn't answer, her attention focused intently on the book in her hands and Santana frowned slightly before turning back towards Quinn and Tina as the latter girl asked teasingly, "Did she push you up against the lockers?"

"What? No," Santana replied. "She asked me out on a date."

"So?" Quinn asked. "What's the problem? I thought you only broke up with her because she wasn't ready to come out?"

"Yes," Santana admitted, "but that was then, you know, before…." Santana flitted her gaze towards Rachel who remained enthralled in her book. She was biting her bottom lip in concentration and her brow was furrowed.

"So you're going to pass on an actual relationship for a non-existent one?" Quinn asked her. "Santana…"

"Don't Santana me," she remarked, leaning back in her chair a little so that it was resting precariously on its back legs. "I don't feel that way about her any more. I haven't even thought about Bree at all since, well, you know."

Quinn glanced at Rachel quickly before returning her attention to Santana.

"What's the harm in going on one date?" Quinn asked seriously. "It's not like you're getting anywhere with your current crush. It might be fun. Maybe it'll even help you to get over it."

"I don't want to get over it." Santana told them pointedly.

"Yeah, but Santana," Tina started. "You could be waiting for something that never even happens?"

Santana glanced at Rachel and examined her closely. She was chewing the cuticles of her left hand nervously as she read, a habit Santana noticed she adopted when she was feeling stressed. Underneath the desk Rachel's right leg was bouncing up and down anxiously and she'd not said one word to anyone since Santana had sat down.

"Ok," Santana said a hint of concern in her voice. "What's going on with you Rachel?"

Rachel ignored her and Santana turned to look enquiringly between Tina and Quinn who shrugged their shoulders in response to her silent question.

"Hey," Santana said, reaching her hand over and placing it on Rachel's shoulder, making the other girl jump and bang her knee on the desk.

"Shit!" Rachel cursed, reaching down with her left hand to rub her right knee furiously.

"Are you ok?" Santana asked her worriedly.

"Yeah," Rachel replied, finally lifting her gaze to turn her attention to Santana.

Santana examined Rachel carefully.

"I don't believe you," Santana told her honestly.

Rachel just looked at her for a moment saying nothing.

"I'm fine," Rachel eventually said, but Santana could tell she was lying; Santana was getting so used to reading Rachel's body language and what she didn't say often spoke volumes.

"You're lying," Santana said bluntly.

"I'm not." Rachel replied.

"No?" Santana questioned raising her eyebrow slightly in a challenge.

Rachel dropped her gaze back to the now closed book in her hands momentarily.

"No." Rachel said simply.

"Ok, even I could tell you were lying then?" Tina told her.

"Read me a sentence from that book," Santana dared Rachel knowingly.

Rachel glanced back at the book in her hand and opened it randomly to a page. She inhaled deeply glancing between the three girls' watching her briefly.

"The handful…" she started, "the handful….of…..people…of people in…th…th…th…this…town."

"Alright," Santana said placing her hand over the book and pushing it down into the top of the desk. "Don't hurt yourself."

Rachel gave Santana a grateful look and closed the book, pushing it to the side slightly out of the way.

"Is it really so hard for you to admit that you're not ok?" Santana asked her. "I thought we'd been through this last week."

"You've been doing so much better as well," Tina commented. "Your mood hasn't been anywhere near as low since you spoke to your therapist and they started you on those anti-depressants. I mean you've practically been bouncing off the walls all weekend."

Rachel reached her hand up to her head and rubbed at her temple soothingly.

"Another headache?" Santana asked her intuitively and Rachel nodded. "Where's your medication?"

"My locker," Rachel told her.

"Do you want me to get it for you?" Santana asked her seriously.

Rachel nodded her head in the affirmative.

"Ok hold on," Santana said raising her hand in the air to draw Miss Holiday's attention.

Miss Holiday who had been talking to Benjamin Daniels, a member of the school marching band, in the front of the class made her apologies to him approached where the girls were sitting.

"Is everything alright?" Miss Holiday asked Santana whilst watching Rachel out of the corner of her eye.

"Rachel has a headache and her medication is in her locker," Santana informed her. "Can I go and get it?"

Miss Holiday looked at Rachel who was watching her closely, a slightly dazed expression on her face.

"Yes of course," Miss Holiday said, "just, let me write you a hall pass first."

Miss Holiday disappeared to her desk briefly before returning with a small square of paper, which she handed to Santana, the youngster standing up to receive it as she approached.

"Thanks," Santana said hastily before disappearing out the door in the quiet hallway.

Miss Holiday took a seat beside Rachel in Santana's now vacant seat for a moment.

"You know, you don't look very well Rachel," Miss Holiday noted worriedly placing the back of her hand to Rachel's forehead. She was surprised to find that Rachel was neither hot nor clammy but there was no denying that her face had taken on a slightly pallid complexion.

"Thanks," Rachel muttered lightly in response.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Miss Holiday asked her.

"Not really" Rachel said truthfully.

Miss Holiday frowned in thought as Santana reappeared through the door holding Rachel's medication in her hand. She popped the cap off the white container as Miss Holiday vacated her seat and Santana resumed it.

Santana leant closer to Rachel, placing a tablet in her already outstretched hand.

Rachel swallowed it quickly as Santana recapped the container and put it into Rachel's bag which was tucked away underneath her chair.

"Any better?" Tina asked Rachel who was resting her head in her hand on a propped up elbow.

"Wait…." she said raising a finger on her right hand.

"You've got to give it a minute to work," Santana reiterated.

"Rachel you know what I'm going to say don't you?" Miss Holiday asked her seriously.

Rachel lifted her head and gave a small nod in response.

"You're with me next period and if it's not better by then I'm sending you to the school nurse," Miss Holiday told her.

"Ok," Rachel agreed.

"Ok," Miss Holiday repeated, turning to head back to the front of class and continue her conversation with Benjamin Daniels.

"You should have said something," Tina voiced to Rachel once they were alone again. "I finally thought that you were getting more comfortable telling us about this stuff."

Rachel gave a thumbs up as she rested her head down on the table in front of her and closed her eyes.

"Rachel are you even listening to me?" Tina asked anxiously.

"Shhh…." Rachel said closing her eyes.

"Ok," Santana said worriedly, reaching a hand over to brush a strand of hair out of Rachel's face. "I think we can all agree that this is not normal right?"

"Agreed," Quinn and Tina replied in unison.

"Hey," Santana said shaking Rachel slightly on the shoulder. "Rachel, open your eyes….Rachel…."

Rachel swatted Santana's hand away.

"Get off," she said irritably.

"Miss Holiday!" Santana called, standing from her chair.

Everyone in the room turned their attention to the back where Santana and the rest of the girls' were sat. At any other time she would have been embarrassed for causing a disruption but on this occasion her concern for Rachel overwhelmed any other emotion she might have.

Miss Holiday came over hurriedly, sensing the fear in Santana's voice.

"Something really isn't right," Santana told her uneasily. "She's never been like this before. At least not that I've seen."

Santana glanced at Tina who was stroking the side of Rachel's face with the back of her hand.

"I've not either," Tina confirmed.

Miss Holiday placed a hand on Rachel's shoulder as Santana had done previously and shook her slightly.

"Rachel," she said firmly, repeating it a further time when all she got was a groan in response. "Rachel!"

Rachel made an attempt to swat Miss Holiday away as she had done Santana, but she managed to catch Rachel's wrist in her hand and hold it still. Rachel tried to take it back, growing frustrated when it remained firmly held in place.

Finally, Rachel lifted her head to look at the offending restrained and tugged her wrist hard trying to shake it.

Miss Holiday examined Rachel closely before turning to Quinn and asking her to go and get the nurse. Quinn scared into action by the tone of Miss Holiday's voice practically flew out of her seat and disappeared into the hallway without any consideration of the request.

"Rachel," Miss Holiday said, crouching down in front of her and placing a hand on the side of her face, forcing the youngster to look at her. She tried to pull her wrist free once more but Miss Holiday remained strong. "Hey, look at me," Miss Holiday instructed her soothingly.

Santana watched the exchange in front of her, an eerie feeling of dread spreading throughout her body. She was acutely aware that all eyes in the room were watching the situation in front of them with interest, memorising every detail for when they repeated it to their friends throughout the course of the day.

Rachel finally met Miss Holiday's eyes and relaxed her arm slightly, prompting the teacher to release it from her grasp.

"Can you tell me where you are?" Miss Holiday asked her.

"Leave me… al…," Rachel said, ignoring Miss Holiday's question completely.

"Rachel," Miss Holiday said, her hand still fixed against the side of Rachel's face. "I really need you to tell me where you are?"

Rachel made a move to stand up but either thought better of it or couldn't because she was soon sitting back down in her seat.

Miss Holiday turned to Tina, "I need you to try alright?" she said encouragingly.

Tina nodded, moving her chair closer to Rachel's desk and placing a hand on her arm.

"Rach," Tina said, her voice shaky and exhibiting her disquiet. "Rach, its Tina."

"Tina?" Rachel asked looking in Tina's direction but seemingly not registering her. She reached up her hand towards Tina's face, missing it by a mile.

Tina reached out to grab Rachel's searching hand and held it to her face so that she could feel it.

"Rach," Tina said placing her other hand on the side of Rachel's face now. "Can you tell me where you are?"

"I don't feel well," Rachel noted.

"I know," Tina told her glancing at Miss Holiday for help. Tina felt completely at a loss for what to do and Rachel's behaviour was scary her more than she'd like to admit. "Talk to me though," Tina probed carefully. "What's going on?"

Rachel leant her head back down on the table and starting banging it gently against the hard surface of the desk.

"Headache…" Rachel said as Tina placed her hand under Rachel's forehead to stop her from hurting herself.

Rachel lifted her head up and Tina noticed that her eyes were glazed over.

"Santana?" Rachel asked reaching her free hand up to her right eye and rubbing it heavily.

"I'm right here," Santana said, coming closer to Rachel and positioning herself in front of the other girl.

Rachel gave her a small smile before informing her, "My face…," she forced out. "Fe…feels…w…weird."

Rachel rubbed at her face with her hand, her eyelids heavy, eye's unfocused.

It was at that moment that Quinn re-emerged with the school nurse who hurried over when Miss Holiday gestured her towards Rachel.

"How long has she been like this?" The nurse asked Miss Holiday, a professional and calming tone to her voice.

"About 10 minutes," Miss Holiday informed her. "She's been complaining of a headache."

The nurse studied the scars on Rachel's forehead and the side of her head closely.

"I need you to help me get her onto the floor," the nurse said seriously.

Miss Holiday turned to get the person occupying the desk beside Rachel's to make some room and seemingly realised that there was an avid audience around her.

"Ok everyone out," Miss Holiday told them seriously. "Now." She said forcefully when no one moved.

There was an explosion of noise as chairs were scraped back against the floor and hushed voices whispered as the made their way towards the door, Quinn followed them to it, shutting it closed behind the last vacating student.

"Tina can you move these desks," Miss Holiday asked pointing behind her as she turned back to watch as the nurse continued to examine Rachel.

Tina did as she was bid, Quinn rushing over to help her.

"What's wrong with her?" Miss Holiday asked concerned.

"I think she's having a partial seizure," the nurse said standing up and placing her arms firmly on Rachel's shoulders. She gestured to Miss Holiday to take her legs and together they manoeuvred Rachel onto the floor.

Miss Holiday took off her jacket and placed it under Rachel's head before glancing at the anxious faces of Tina, Quinn and Santana who were watching them.

"Should I call an ambulance?" Miss Holiday asked, allowing them to stay, knowing that any attempt to make them leave would be futile.

The nurse nodded, "Yes," she said as she tried to rouse Rachel again who was laying with her eyes closed mumbling incoherent words to herself.

"Is she going to be alright?" Santana asked the nurse, fear gripping her insides like a rabid dog tearing at a piece of raw meat. She wanted to do something to help but couldn't, her whole body paralysed.

"Has she had a seizure before?" The nurse asked as Miss Holiday hung up her mobile and crouched down beside the nurse.

"No," Santana answered, looking at Tina for confirmation.

"No," Tina verified. "Never."

"She hasn't fallen today or hit her head?" The nurse asked.

"No," they all said in unison.

"This is important girls," the nurse said seriously. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Tina told her. "I stayed over at her house last night and have been with her all morning. We had social studies together."

"You're sure she's never had a seizure?" the nurse asked.

"Yes," Tina said, "She's not epileptic."

As if on cue Rachel's whole body started to writhe on the floor and the nurse quickly turned her onto her right side as she twisted and contorted, her arms and legs twitching with each horrific convulsion.

"Quinn," Miss Holiday said casting a look between each of the other girls' standing around her and deeming her the most functional, the other two watching aghast. "I need you to go to Mr Schuester and ask him to come and redirect my next class somewhere else ok?"

Quinn nodded in response, casting one last look at Rachel who was still writhing on the floor before opening the door to come face to face with two paramedics, clad in dark navy uniforms and carrying a large red bag and trailing a trolley behind them.

They hurried over to Rachel as soon as they were in the room and Quinn watched them as the school receptionist stepped around her.

"Quinn," Miss Holiday prompted, noting the huddle of students that were standing huddled in the corridor.

Quinn turned and disappeared and the receptionist stepped into the room, closing the door slightly behind her to prevent prying eyes.

"Miss Holiday," she greeted the teacher. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes," Miss Holiday said gratefully. "I need you to pull Rachel Cabello's file for me as quickly as you can ok?"

"Of course," the receptionist said before vacating the room, firmly closing the door as she left.

"Tina," Miss Holiday said, standing up and placing a hand on Tina's shoulder comfortingly. Tina didn't respond, instead her eyes fixed on her best friend in shock. "Tina…" Miss Holiday said again and this time Tina met her gaze, swallowing hard.

"Yeah," she said.

"I need you to call Rachel's dad for me ok?" she asked, her voice level and clear. "Just dial it and then hand it to me."

"Ok," Tina said glancing back at Rachel, who had now stopped convulsing furiously and now lay twitching, the paramedics having given her an injection of some kind. She had an oxygen mask over her face but her eyes remained closed. Tina reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, dialling the number and then handing it to Miss Holiday.

Miss Holiday groaned slightly as she was redirected to voicemail but left a message to inform Rachel's dad that they would be taking her to the hospital after confirming which one with the paramedics.

She handed Tina her phone back as the paramedics moved Rachel onto the trolley, strapping her in securely and raising it up.

"We'll need a guardian to come with us to the hospital," the paramedic informed Miss Holiday.

"That's me," Miss Holiday said as Quinn reappeared at the door with both Mr Schuester and the school receptionist who was brandishing Rachel's file.

"William," Miss Holiday greeted him. "I'm going to have to go to the hospital with Rachel until her dad gets there." She told him.

"Don't worry I'll get your classes covered." He responded immediately.

"Thank you," she said thankfully.

He turned and disappeared into the hallway, ushering teenagers away from the door and out of sight as he left.

"Here's her file," the receptionist told Miss Holiday, handing her the manila folder.

"Thank you Sheila," she said gratefully and she too disappeared.

"Can we come with you?" Tina asked as the paramedics started to move the trolley towards the door.

Santana waited hopefully, her eyes never leaving Rachel's face.

"Sorry girls," he said sincerely, "I only have room for one person on the rig."

Tina put her hand up to her mouth, holding back a sob.

"Please?" she begged.

"I wish I could," he told them as he moved Rachel out into the hallway.

"Can you take care of the girls?" Miss Holiday asked of the school nurse as she followed the paramedics.

"Of course," she replied placing a hand on Tina's arm comfortingly.

"No wait," Santana said chasing after Miss Holiday as she passed through the classroom door. "Please let us come."

"I know that you're worried ok?" Miss Holiday said with understanding, "but you have to stay here."

Santana didn't even have time to protest as Miss Holiday disappeared into the hallway and out of sight. She turned to face Tina and Quinn. Quinn was standing alongside the other girl, stroking her arms soothingly, her chin pressed to Tina's shoulder. Santana made her way over to them, her body feeling numb, her brain and body in complete shock.

If they thought that she was going to stay at school the rest of the day then they were sorely mistaken. Santana planned on heading to the hospital as soon as was feasibly possible. She shared a meaningful look with Tina and she could see she'd get no objections from her. Screw school. Santana thought to herself as the nurse guided them all out of the and towards her everything. Some things couldn't wait and Rachel was one of them.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Disclaimer: this story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

After vacating Miss Holiday's classroom, Tina, Quinn and Santana had followed the school nurse back to her office where she'd provided them all with what was possibly the most sugary drink they'd ever had. In fact, it was so sweet, that Santana had convinced herself that if she had any more of it then necessary, she'd start hallucinating rainbows and unicorns. The school nurse, who, Santana had been fortunate enough to avoid meeting throughout the duration of her high school experience so far, had informed them it was for the 'shock' and had told them to sit down for a few minutes to regain their composure. Santana had almost snorted with derision at the comment, the thought of recovering her poise almost laughable when Rachel was in hospital, her condition unknown. Once they'd finished their diabetic inducing drinks the nurse had given them each a hall pass and note to explain their tardiness to their respective teachers. The three of them had taken them hastily; eager to escape the confines of the nurses' office and discuss the situation and their plans without prying eyes or ears.

Finally alone in the abandoned and somewhat eerily quiet hallway, the girls had made their way to one of the nearby bathrooms. Tina checked beneath the stall doors, confirming it was empty whilst Santana stood in front of the door to prevent anyone from entering and disturbing their discussion.

"I'm going to the hospital," Santana stated simply. "I don't care if it's the first time I've ever bunked off school. I need to check that Rachel is alright."

"What if we get caught?" Quinn asked nervously.

"Who cares if we get caught?" Santana countered. "I don't know about you Quinn but seeing Rachel like that scared the crap out of me. I'm never going to be able to concentrate this afternoon after seeing her like that."

"Me neither," Tina agreed, her eyes still swollen and red from the tears she'd cried at the distress of seeing her best friend in the midst of a seizure. "They can't expect us to stay here and pretend that nothing's happened?"

"Exactly," Santana continued. "So, I'm going." She paused to look at Tina, "Tina, I assume that means you're coming too?"

"Of course," Tina informed her. "If I could have gone with her I would have. There's nothing on this earth that will keep me at here whilst she's there."

"Quinn?" Santana asked the shorter girl.

Quinn seemed to weigh up the decision in her head before finally answering.

"Screw it," she said, nodding in Santana's direction. "Let's get out of here."

"I'll drive," Santana told her as they carefully made their way out of the bathroom and back into the hallway.

Carefully, the three of them navigated their way through the deserted space, each one of them on the alert for sign of a teacher or adult who might stop them in their tracks. Santana felt her heart racing in her chest, partly in nervousness at her new found rebelliousness but mostly out of concern for what they'd find when they got to the hospital.

Eventually, the girls managed to make their way outside and into the fresh October weather. They traipsed across the car park, the sound of leaves crunching beneath their feet and a gentle breeze rustling the trees around them.

"What are we going to do about Brittany?" Quinn asked as they arrived at Santana's car and she unlocked it.

"She's in class at the moment," Santana said reasonably as she lowered herself into the driver's seat and closed car door behind her. "There's not a lot we can do."

Santana put the key into the ignition as Tina and Quinn fastened their seat belts.

"I'll text her and let her know what happened," Quinn offered. "We can call her over lunch once we know more."

Santana started up the car as Quinn pulled her phone out of her pocket. She backed out of the parking space and moments later the three of them were on their way to the hospital they'd overheard Miss Holiday say in the message she'd left for Rachel's dad.

"Your quiet back there," Santana commented, glancing in her rear view mirror at Tina who was watching the world go by out of the car window. "Want to talk about it?"

Tina met Santana's eyes in the mirror and smiled gratefully.

"Not really," Tina replied honestly.

Santana smiled sadly in response to Tina's words and turned her attention back to the road.

"No you know what?" Tina said her voice rising angrily. "This sucks. It's just one thing after another and it isn't fair."

Quinn turned around in her chair and placed a comforting hand on Tina's knee.

"She'll be alright," Quinn said optimistically. "You'll see."

"Yeah but for how long?" Tina asked, not really expecting nor wanting an answer. "This week it's the seizure, last week it was the low mood. She takes one step forward just to take two steps back again." She paused for a moment and pounded the window beside her with her fist in frustration. "It's just not fair."

Santana glanced at Tina again in the mirror as the other girl continued.

"Somewhere out there, probably living in the same neighbourhood as Rachel, as us, is the asshole that hit her," Tina vented furiously. "They're probably going on with their life right now like nothing happened, not even caring about the fact that they left someone alone on the road to die."

Tina glanced out of the window again, crossing her arms in front of her.

"In an instant they changed Rachel's whole life," she said her voice low and dejected, the anger dissipating almost as soon as it had come. "They don't know what they put her through, what they put her family and her friends through because, for them, nothing has changed. Nothing."

"They'll find the driver eventually," Quinn offered. "They always do."

"Yeah," Tina said with disdain. "Probably after he's run down and killed some other unsuspecting victim."

Tina uncrossed her arms long enough to run her fingers through her hair before returning them to their previous position.

"I hope that when the police finally do catch them, that they throw the driver in jail for the rest of their life," Tina voiced after a moment's pause. "Then maybe they'll finally understand what it's like to have your life stolen away from you, to take everything you knew and flip it upside down so that you have to start all over again."

"That makes two of us," Santana agreed, meeting Tina's gaze once more in the rear view mirror as she turned right at a junction.

"Three of us," Quinn concurred as Santana turned left into the hospital car park and pulled up into an empty space.

They exited the car and Santana locked it, turning to look up at the tall white building across the large expanse of tarmac. Together the three of them made their way to the hospital entrance, passing people being escorted from one place to another in wheelchairs, an assortment of bandages and dressing covering various parts of their bodies.

"I don't think I can do this," Tina said, stopping in her tracks, her eyes studying a man who was sat in his wheelchair just outside the electronic doors.

One side of his head was obscured with large white, soiled dressings, his right leg elevated on a footrest, the entirety of it covered in plaster, from his thigh to his knee.

Santana turned to take Tina's hand in her own and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Tina its fine," Santana tried to sooth her, exuding a confidence that she herself did not possess.

"No I can't," Tina said with a sense of finality. "I can't go back in there."

Tina pulled her hand out of Santana's and rested both her palms on the back of her head, crouching down slightly to take a deep breath.

"Just breathe, ok?" Quinn comforted, patting Tina gently on the shoulder. "You can do this."

"No I really can't," Tina said, standing back up and turning around, one hand on the back of her head and looking at the entrance to the hospital once again. She lowered her head again, crouching back down.

"Are you going to be sick?" Santana asked concerned, crouching down beside her and brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"I'm just a little nauseous." Tina admitted.

"Perhaps you should wait out here?" Santana suggested. "Quinn and me can go and check on Rachel then come back out and let you know how she's doing."

Tina made her way over to a bench nearby and sat down, hanging her head between her knees and sucking in large gulps of air in an attempt to abate the panic she felt.

"Ok," Tina replied nodding slightly and feeling a little more settled at the prospect of not having to venture inside the building. "Yeah, I think that'd be best."

"Alright," Santana said patting her on the shoulder again and looking expectantly at Quinn who had sat beside Tina on the chair, both hands draped around the other girls shoulders in a supportive hug. "Quinn?" she prompted.

"You go," she told Santana, meeting her questioning gaze briefly before studying Tina closely. "I'll stay here with Tina."

"Are you sure?" Santana asked her.

"Yes," Quinn confirmed and she picked up one of Tina's hands, entwining their fingers together in a gesture of unity.

"Ok," Santana said, "I won't be long, alright?"

Santana turned on her heels quickly and made her way through the sliding doors at the entrance. She made her way uncertainly to the reception desk and asked the kind looking older woman sat behind it if she could direct her to Rachel Berry. The receptionist studied the computer screen in front of her before explaining to Santana where she needed to go. Santana followed her directions resolutely, only coming to a stop when she spied Rachel's dad standing a few feet ahead of her, talking to, what she assumed to be a doctor.

Santana waited for their conversation to end and the doctor to leave before approaching Rachel's dad, the older man spotting her just as he was about to go back into a private room.

"Santana?" Hiram asked the youngster as she finally caught up to him.

"Hi," Santana greeted nervously.

"What are you doing here?" Hiram asked, "Shouldn't you be at school?"

"We were with Rachel when it happened," Santana began in an attempt to explain her presence at the hospital. "We were worried about her so we….kind of left."

"We?" Hiram asked confused.

"Quinn, Tina and I," Santana clarified. "Tina couldn't face coming inside after….well, last time she was here, so the others are waiting downstairs."

"You girls should have called," Hiram told her, not unkindly. "You could get in trouble for being out of school."

"We don't care," Santana told her. "We just wanted to know that Rachel was alright."

"She's ok," Hiram told her offering a small smile and rubbing Santana's arm encouragingly. "A little bit out of it still but she'll be fine. They're hoping to send her home soon."

"Could we have done anything to stop it happening?" Santana asked.

"No," Hiram replied truthfully. "Unfortunately it's just one of those things. Did you see that man I was just talking with?"

Santana nodded her head in response.

"Well," Hiram went on. "That's Rachel's neurologist. They did another scan of her head after she was brought in, just to check that there was no further bleeding or swelling from the accident. He said everything was clear. That it's exactly the same as her last scan."

Santana smiled at this news.

"So, there's no new damage or anything?" she asked.

"None," Hiram informed her. "He said that epilepsy can sometimes develop in people who've had head injuries. Unfortunately there's no way to know who could get it or when it will happen. Sometimes it can take a while to develop. Now that they know Rachel has it, they can start her on some medication to help try and prevent her having any more seizures in the future."

"It won't stop them completely?" Santana asked.

"Not entirely," Hiram said, "but, it should stop them from happening frequently."

Santana sighed in relief.

"So she'll be ok?" Santana asked needing clarification.

"In a day or so," Hiram explained. "She'll probably be off school the next couple of days whilst she recovers."

"Can I see her?" Santana asked hopefully.

"Sure," Hiram answered, laughing lightly. "It's the least I can do seeing as you risked detention to come all the way down here. Just, don't take anything she says to heart. She's still postictal, so she's confused and disorientated at the moment."

Hiram pushed the door to Rachel's room opened and gestured Santana inside. She felt Rachel's dad place a staying hand on her shoulder as he passed and Santana turned to face him.

"Tina's waiting outside?" Hiram asked.

"Yeah," Santana informed her. "I think she's a bit freaked out being back here."

Hiram nodded sadly before telling Santana, "I'm going to go and get her, I won't be a minute ok?"

"Ok," Santana acknowledged.

"Whatever you do," Hiram said laughing a little, "don't let her leave. She's been trying to climb out of bed since she came around."

"I won't," Santana promised.

"If there are any problems, just, call the nurse." Hiram told her playfully. "You might need back up."

Santana smiled at Rachel's dad who gave her a small wave before disappearing down the hallway to find Tina outside. Santana turned around and stepped into the room, allowing the solid white door to close shut behind her. She noticed Rachel's bed, positioned in the middle of the room immediately, a visitors chair by its side. There was a large window overlooking the hospital car park and Santana thought she could see the sun reflecting off the top of her own vehicle from where she stood.

Santana saw Rachel lying on her side in the bed, her eyes were open, her face covered with an oxygen mask. She was playing carelessly with the corner of her pillow, seemingly oblivious to Santana's appearance.

"Hi," she greeted, making her way over to the bed and lowering herself into the visitors' chair beside it.

Rachel propped herself up on her elbow slightly to look at Santana.

"How are you feeling?" Santana asked, reaching for her hand and taking it in her own.

"Tired," Rachel admitted.

"I'm not surprised." Santana noted squeezing Rachel's hand slightly in her own. The fear that she'd felt earlier had almost completely gone now that she was able to see Rachel was alright for herself. She studied her closely, noting the hospital gown which didn't quite cover her back, exposing the smooth skin beneath it and her black bra strap.

Rachel had a slightly confused expression on her face, her eyes still a little dazed and Santana had to fight the urge to lean down and kiss her gently on the forehead. The bed engulfed Rachel's body so much that it made her seem small in comparison.

"Why?" Rachel asked resting her head back down on the pillow.

"Because," Santana said. "You had a seizure."

"Oh right," Rachel said staring at Santana intently, causing the other girl to blush. "Where am I?" she asked after a moment.

"You're at the hospital," Santana responded and despite thinking better of it, she reached over with her free hand and stroked the top of Rachel's brow soothingly.

"Oh," Rachel said surprised. "Why what happened?"

Santana smiled at how adorable Rachel was when she was confused.

"You had a seizure." Santana reiterated leaning her elbows onto the bed.

"I did?" Rachel asked.

"I'm afraid so," Santana told her.

"I know you." Rachel stated.

"I sure hope so," Santana laughed before introducing herself. "I'm Santana."

"Santana," Rachel said as though she was hearing the name out of her own mouth for the first time. "San…ta…na."

"Your dad said they're going to let you go home soon," Santana continued on in an attempt to make conversation.

"Who?" Rachel asked.

"The doctors," Santana said.

"Doctors?" Rachel asked. "I'm at the hospital?"

"Yes," Santana said. Her head was starting to spin from the ever circling conversation.

"Why what happened?" Rachel asked worriedly.

"You had a seizure," Santana said calmly.

"Oh," Rachel replied simply. "Rubbish."

"You're telling me." Santana noted.

"You're Santana." Rachel stated rather then asked.

"That's right," Santana confirmed.

"Are you a doctor?" Rachel asked her.

"No," Santana said struggling to contain her grin. "I'm a friend."

"Oh, ok." Rachel said. She went to scratch her nose, but became confused when her finger collided with the plastic oxygen mask rather than her flesh. She scrunched her nose up in confusion before reaching her hand up and pulling the mask down so it was away from her face and hanging loosely by her neck instead.

"You should probably keep that on." Santana informed her, releasing Rachel's hand to try and help put the mask back on.

Rachel moved her head out of the way, grabbing Santana's hand with her own.

"No I feel like I'm suffocating with it on," Rachel said seriously.

"I think it's supposed to do the opposite." Santana said raising her eyebrow teasingly.

"I don't need it." Rachel responded.

"I think the doctors might disagree with you," Santana argued.

"Doctors?" Rachel asked.

"Yes," Santana reiterated again. "You're in the hospital Rachel."

"The hospital?" she said and just as Santana thought it, continued. "Why what happened?"

Santana chuckled placing her forehead against Rachel's for a moment as she laughed before sitting back slightly again.

"You had a seizure." Santana told her. "You don't remember?"

"No," Rachel answered truthfully.

Rachel moved her head on her pillow slightly and mete Santana's gaze, her eyes burning into Santana and causing her to blush. She could feel the heat rise in her cheeks as Rachel said, "You have really nice eyes."

Knowing that Rachel would unlikely remember any of this later and still regretting her decision not to share her feelings with her when the opportunity had arisen last week Santana thought, what the hell and answered, "Yeah well, you have an amazing smile."

Rachel's features broke out into a face eating grin at that and Santana felt her own face match it.

"Yeah," Santana said, "that's the one. You should do it more often."

"You're really pretty," Rachel said lifting one of her hands and prodding the end of Santana's nose with her fingertip lightly.

"You're strongest person I've ever met," Santana told her seriously.

"Why?" Rachel asked confusion on her face once more. "What happened?"

Santana didn't want to bring up the accident, not knowing how much Rachel remembered about it at this point and not knowing the details of it herself except for what Tina and Rachel had shared with her, so she returned back to her, by now, well-rehearsed response.

"You had a seizure," Santana informed her. "You're in the hospital."

"Oh," Rachel said. "Ok."

Santana frowned at Rachel for a moment, wondering how long this endless loop of questioning would go on for and growing concerned that it might not resolve. Santanas thoughts were interrupted when Rachel reached her hand forward and cupped Santana's chin, holding it still so that their eyes met once more.

"You have really nice eyes" Rachel said again and Santana felt her body react to the way Rachel bit her bottom lip and the prolonged contact of her eyes with her own.

Santana felt her face grow even hotter as Rachel leaned closer to her.

"They're really brown," Rachel noted, examining them closely.

Santana put her hand on top of Rachel's and guided it back down to the bed, away from her face.

"You're really pretty," Rachel went on, her thoughts taking the same path from moments ago. "Who are you?"

Santana sighed, a small smile playing on her lips.

"I'm Santana," she informed her once again.

Rachel reached out to touch Santana's face again, a curious expression on her own like she was trying to figure something out. Santana stopped her hand in its track, her body craving the contact once again, but, her brain telling her that this wasn't right, that Rachel was vulnerable and confused. That she shouldn't take advantage.

"Santana," Rachel said, enjoying the sound of the name on her lips. "Santana…Santana….San…tana."

Rachel moved her hand in Santana's grasp and she released it obligingly allowing the other girl to move it towards her face where her fingertips brushed lightly against her lips.

"You have really nice eyes." Rachel said seemingly mesmerised by Santana's orbs.

"So do you," Santana replied, causing Rachel to smile at the compliment. Every nerve in Santana's body felt like it was on fire and her breath hitched in her throat. She averted her gaze, clearing her throat as she did so in an attempt to clear her head and distract Rachel again.

She returned her attention back to the other girl, who had once again propped herself up on her elbow in the bed and was looking at Santana intently.

"Rachel…." Santana started but her words were soon cut short when Rachel's lips came crashing against her own in a chaste kiss.

What little breath Santana had had left in her lungs escaped her lips in a low moan and her skin, which had felt like it was on fire only moments ago, raged in flame like the inferno she would probably find when she went to hell for kissing someone, who, had very little volitional control of what they were doing. Rachel's lips felt warm and soft against her own and Santana closed her eyes reflexively, her hands making no move to separate the two of them. In her defence, the kiss had taken Santana by surprise but, still, she did not push Rachel away, didn't even attempt to part them, her heart winning over her head in the never ending battle between them. After what seemed like an eternity but, in reality was probably only seconds, Rachel pulled back, a big grin on her face and Santana raised her hand to touch her lips, the burn of Rachel's presence still lingering on them.

"Wow," Santana said feeling slightly disorientated herself.

Rachel frowned as she looked at Santana.

"Who are you?" Rachel asked resting her head back down on the pillow.

"I'm yours." Santana said without thought, every part of her knowing the words to be true even as she acknowledged them.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

For the next few minutes Santana repeated the dizzying cycle of informing Rachel where she was and what had happened to her. For Rachel's part, she continued with the forthright compliments of Santana's eyes and various other features, attempting on more than one occasion to kiss her again. Apart from the first attempt, which had caught Santana completely off guard, Rachel had only managed to kiss her on one other occasion, when, awkwardly, she was asking Santana once more, if she were her doctor. Otherwise, Santana's logic and reason had finally won out over her heart and she had managed to move her face out of the way, with, she'd admit, a great deal of self-control and difficulty.

Soon, the two of them had been joined by Quinn and Tina after Rachel's dad had obviously been able to assure the latter that Rachel was fine and that she should see her. After they'd entered the room, Tina had rushed to Rachel's bedside, embracing the smaller girl in a massive hug, her eyes moist with tears. Rachel's dad watched the interaction from where she'd stood at the door, a sad smile on her face.

"What did we literally just talk about last week?" Tina asked Rachel, her arms still enveloped around her body tightly.

"I don't remember," Rachel answered truthfully.

Tina kissed her on the head softly and laughed a little at her response.

"I told you I never wanted to sit by your hospital bed again," Tina replied, finally releasing Rachel from her grip and wiping a tear from her cheek with her left hand.

"I'm in the hospital?" Rachel asked her.

"Yeah Mila," Tina told her. "You had a seizure."

"Oh…." Rachel replied. "Ok."

Tina looked questioningly at both Santana and Rachel's dad, raising her eyebrow in confusion.

"She's still postictal," Hiram told Tina in way of an explanation. "She'll be confused for a little bit whilst the irritation to her brain settles down."

"She's been like it the entire time I've been sitting with her," Santana explained to Tina. "She asks where she is so I tell her, then, a minute later she'll ask me the exact same question again like it's the first time."

"Oh," Tina said in response, a mischievous glint in her eye. "So we could tell her anything and she'd not remember it a minute from now?"

"Pretty much," Santana informed her.

"Interesting." Tina said a small smile creeping onto her lips. "Very interesting."

Tina gave Santana a knowing look and she couldn't help the blush that spread across her face as a result.

For the next twenty minutes, Quinn, Tina and Santana continued to sit with Rachel and her dad in the small sterile hospital room, Hiram asking Santana whether Rachel had given her any trouble whilst she'd been speaking to Tina downstairs.

"Nothing that I couldn't handle." Santana replied smiling at the recollection of how Rachel's lips had felt on her own.

"I'd be grateful for that if I were you," Hiram laughed. "She was being a right pain before you arrived. She was trying to clamber out of the bed to get a pizza, of all things. I swear, my daughter is always thinking about her stomach."

Santana glanced down at Rachel who had fallen asleep on the bed, her face almost completely obscured by the pillow it was buried into. The four remaining occupants of the room had continued to talk amongst themselves until Rachel had woken up, pushing herself up from the bed slightly to look around at them. She reached her left hand up to her eyes and rubbed them sleepily before placing it firmly against her forehead, closing her eyes as she did so.

"Where am I?" she asked her eyes opening again to look around the room.

"You're at the hospital Rachel?" Hiram told her patiently. "You had a seizure."

Rachel looked at the faces around her once again, her eyes narrowing uncomfortably as though in pain.

"When?" Rachel asked. "I don't remember."

"During homeroom," Tina told her for what was probably the fourth time since she'd come inside.

"You managed to scare the crap out of everyone," Santana said casually. "Good job." She added jestingly.

"I have a really bad headache," Rachel noted, closing her eyes again and rubbing at her temple soothingly.

"That's because you had a seizure," Hiram told her once again.

"I know I had a seizure." Rachel said somewhat annoyed. She opened her eyes to look at her dad.

"You do?" Hiram asked her surprised.

"Yes," Rachel replied, "Of course I do, you just told me two minutes ago." Rachel glanced around the room and noted the stunned expressions on everyone's face. "I know my memory is bad since the accident but it's not that bad."

"Huh," Hiram said, "I think I should probably get your doctor to come and see you." He finished, standing from where he sat on the edge of Rachel's bed and disappearing through the door.

A few minutes later Rachel's dad returned, the same doctor Santana had seen him talking to earlier in tow. The doctor reviewed Rachel thoroughly, asking her questions about her name, date of birth and whether she knew what day and date it was. He informed the assembled group that Rachel was coming out of her postictal state and that once her medication was ready she'd be able to go home.

"Thank God," Rachel said in response. "I just want to go to sleep in my own bed. I'm so exhausted."

The doctor smiled at her momentarily before excusing himself and disappearing into the crowded hospital hallway to review another patient.

Santana turned to look at Rachel after watching the doctor leave and noticed her pushing her tongue firmly into her cheek, wincing as she did so. She stuck it out, trying her hardest to catch a glimpse of it but failing miserably.

"My tongue really hurts," Rachel noted finally giving up.

"It probably will for a while," Hiram told her. "You managed to bite a massive chunk out of it."

"Ouch," Rachel said, "That's kind of gross."

Santana, Tina and Quinn laughed at her, Tina elbowing her gently in the rib.

"Yeah well you are kind of gross." Tina told her still chuckling.

"Why is everyone laughing?" Rachel asked her.

"Well," Tina started. "It's just nice to be able to have an actual conversation with you for a change."

Rachel looked at Tina questioningly.

"You've pretty much been repeating yourself since you came around." Tina informed her.

"What did I say?" Rachel asked panicked. "Was it embarrassing? Was it rude?"

"Extremely," Tina teased her.

"Oh god," Rachel replied looking at the others in the room. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I was saying…I hope I didn't offend any of you."

"Don't worry Rachel," Santana said punching Tina lightly on the arm. "She's messing with you."

"Really?" Rachel asked stricken. "You promise?"

"I promise," Santana told her. "Tina's only just got here."

Rachel visibly relaxed at Santana's words and she felt herself smile happily that she was able to help with that. Together the five of them waited until Rachel's discharge papers and medication were ready. Once the nurse had bought them to Rachel's dad, explaining the dosage for her medication, Rachel got dressed in the bathroom and the girls' helped her into a wheelchair. Together they transported Rachel down to the hospital entrance, Santana pushing the wheelchair whilst Quinn and Tina walked alongside it, talking animatedly. They helped Rachel to her dad's car and waved as it pulled out of the parking lot to take her home. Before leaving, Hiram had kindly asked Quinn, Tina and Santana to let Rachel to spend the rest of the day recuperating but, he had told them that they were more than welcome to call her later to check in or come around tomorrow after school if they wanted.

After they'd watched the car round the corner and disappear out of sight the girls' made their way back to Santana's car and got in, debating what to do next. Quinn suggested that if they hurried, they would be able to make it back to school for fifth period and Santana and Tina had agreed, the two of them feeling as though they'd had enough teenage rebellion for the day and would now be better placed to finish classes knowing that Rachel was alright. Quinn had made sure to call Brittany en route, the remaining member of their group still at lunch. Quinn explained everything that had happened and could audibly hear the other girls' relief at the news that Rachel was now on her way home with her dad to get some rest. A few minutes later they arrived back at school and having already missed the warning bell, separated hastily to attend their separate classes.

The rest of the school day passed slowly, and Santana was thankful when the final bell sounded and she could leave to go home. She felt both emotionally and physically drained, the day seeming endless and taxing. Later that night, Santana lay on her bed, thinking about Rachel and the innocent kisses that they'd shared. Her heart swelled at the memory of Rachel's soft lips on her own and Santana raised her fingertips to the spot where'd they'd touched, her own lips tingling in response to the recollection. Santana rolled over onto her stomach, picked up her mobile phone and attempted to call Rachel. She felt a surge of disappointment as she was connected to Rachel's generic pre-programmed voicemail and disconnected the call without leaving a message, presuming the other girl to be sleeping. Eventually, Santana climbed into her own bed, her body relaxing beneath the covers almost immediately. As she lay there her thoughts remained on Rachel, as they always seemed to when she fell asleep at night, and Santana puzzled over whether Rachel's words during her postictal period had been true thoughts, finally expressed due to a lack of disinhibition or pure confusion. The mystery still remained unanswered as Santana drifted off to sleep.

The next day, if possible, passed by even slower than the previous one and Santana found herself missing Rachel's presence immensely. She'd grown so accustomed to seeing Rachel during homeroom and at lunch that it seemed strange to glance over and find the seat she normally occupied empty. As the day progressed, Santana found herself becoming more and more eager for the day to end, her leg bouncing up and down in agitation during her afternoon classes, her pen tapping impatiently on the desk in front of her. This afternoon, Santana was going to visit Rachel at home, taking get well soon messages and apologies from Quinn, who was having dinner with Puck's family, and both Tina and Brittany who had dance class this evening and would not be able to go with her. If Santana was completely honest, she was looking forward to spending some time alone with Rachel, which, she thought, probably had something to do with her current state of annoyance at the seemingly sluggish passage of time.

When school eventually ended, Santana practically ran to her car and jumped in hastily, managing to escape the normal congestion at the entrance. Santana made a quick stop at the local shops on the way to Rachel's house and picked her up some snacks and magazines before completing the journey in what was probably record time.

Hiram greeted Santana warmly when she answered the door to her eager knock. He informed Santana that Rachel was upstairs but warned her that she'd been in a relatively bad mood today so may not be receptive to company.

Santana thanked Hiram and headed upstairs. She paused in Rachel's doorway and smiled when she saw Rachel sat up in bed, enveloped in the covers of the duvet set and wearing her pyjamas. Beth, her younger sister, lay beside her cuddled into her side and Rachel had her left arm draped around the youngster's body protectively as they watched an old episode of the Powerpuff Girls on TV.

Santana waved to Rachel as she came into the doorway and the other girl smiled in response.

"I wasn't expecting to see anyone today," Rachel said as Santana made her way over to the bed. "I thought everyone was busy?"

"Everyone except me," Santana told her, placing the bag in her hands on the floor beside the bed and sitting down on Rachel's right side.

"So you're staying?" Rachel asked uncertainly.

"Well, your dad said that you might not be up to visitors," Santana said, a hint of a question in her voice.

"No please stay," Rachel almost pleaded.

"Are you sure?" Santana asked her.

"Yeah," Rachel replied assuredly. "It's so boring being stuck in the house all day. I remember why I was looking forward to returning to school so much."

"Ok," Santana said, a small smile gracing her lips, "but let me know if you're getting tired and I'll leave alright."

"Alright," Rachel promised. "I will." She patted the space beside her on the bed and Santana quickly kicked off her shoes before climbing to occupy it. She sat next to Rachel on top of the duvet, her back resting against the head of the bed so she could see the TV.

Out of the corner of her eye, Santana could see Beth eyeing her curiously and turned to greet her.

"Hi," Santana said smiling brightly. "I'm Santana." She told the youngster.

Beth, embarrassed, hid her face into Rachel's side shyly.

"Beth," Rachel scolded playfully. "Don't be rude."

"It's fine," Santana told Rachel laughing at Beth's endearing bashfulness before turning her attention back to the TV.

"So," Rachel asked nervously after a moment. "How was school?"

Santana looked at Rachel searchingly, finding an unasked question in her dropped gaze.

"Same old," Santana said flatly, not wanting to tell Rachel that pretty much the whole student body had been talking about what had happened to her yesterday.

"Santana?" Rachel prompted, lifting her gaze to meet Santana's piercing green eyes and sensing the evasion.

"Ok fine," Santana conceded. "You may have come up in a couple of conversations. Don't let it make you big headed though….you're hardly famous." Santana tried to joke but Rachel wasn't appeased.

"Was it really bad?" Rachel asked her.

"No not really bad." Santana told her. "I mean it could have been worse."

"How?" Rachel asked her seriously.

"Well, you could have peed yourself." Santana replied playfully.

Rachel laughed recollecting Brittany's story of how Santana had done just that in elementary school.

"You're lucky you've got bladder control." Santana said jokingly, "Unfortunately, because I do not, I still hold the record for most embarrassing moment at school."

"It's not a competition." Rachel said lightly.

"I beg to differ." Santana told her. "It's the only accolade I have so you're going to have to pull out all the stops to take it from me."

"Well give it a week," Rachel said chuckling in the way which made Santana's heart flutter quickly in her chest. "I'm sure I can manage it."

"How are you feeling anyway?" Santana asked with genuine concern, her voice taking on a more serious tone. "Tina said you weren't doing so well when she spoke to you this morning."

"Just for future reference," Rachel noted earnestly. "If you're ever considering epilepsy as a medical condition. Don't. I literally ache all over, I feel exhausted and I still have a banging headache." Rachel paused for a moment to stick her tongue into the side of her cheek. "Oh and I'm missing a massive chunk of my tongue." She concluded.

"That's why we're having quiet time," Beth informed Santana, watching the interaction between the two older girls' intently and finally finding some confidence.

"Right," Rachel said looking back at Santana.

"I'm sorry you're feeling so bad," Santana told her, reaching over the bed to pull the bag she'd bought up off the floor. "I bought you some magazines and stuff though. I thought that they might cheer you up."

"You didn't have to," Rachel said visibly touched by the gesture.

"I know, but I wanted to." Santana told her.

"Thanks." Rachel said, placing the bag on the bed beside her and pulling out a packet of Red Vines which she wasted no time in opening. "These are my favourite," she noted excitedly offering the now open pack to Santana.

Santana waved them away, "No thanks," she said. "I'm good."

They sat together for a while, the three of them watching the TV until Hiram came in to get Beth who he had to take to her ballet lesson. Santana waved at Beth as she left the room, the younger girl hiding her face with her hands and wrapping herself around her dad's legs.

"So will you be back at school tomorrow?" Santana asked Rachel once they were alone. "We missed you today."

"I don't know," Rachel answered honestly. "It depends how I feel. If I still feel like this I'll probably stay home. As much as I would love to come back to school, I don't think I could until I'm one hundred percent…." She paused for a moment considering her words. "Well, actually, the eighty percent that I was before the seizure at least."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Santana asked with interest.

"You can do one thing," Rachel told her, meeting her eyes.

"Ok," Santana said her cheeks blushing under Rachel's scrutinizing gaze. "Name it."

"I'm sick of talking about myself," Rachel said, "What's going on with you?"

"Hmm, let me think," Santana starts, placing a hand on her chin. "Well," she went on, my dad just go a promotion at work." Santana told her. "He wasn't expecting it at all so he's really happy because it means more money and better insurance. He is going to take the whole family out for dinner on Thursday to celebrate."

Santana paused for a moment to think some more. "Oh," she said as if remembering something. "I subscribed to club penguin," she informed Rachel, a wide grin on her face.

"You didn't?" Rachel asked.

"I did," Santana laughed.

"You're such a dork." Rachel chuckled.

"I am," Santana admitted proudly, running a hand through her hair. "Ok….what else is going on with me? Ooh, ok," Santana started eagerly, "so the big news that you missed yesterday because you were too busy having a seizure to listen to my complaints, is that my newly out of the closet ex-girlfriend asked me out."

"That's good isn't it?" Rachel asked her. "I mean, did you say that you only broke up because she wouldn't admit she was a lesbian?"

"Well, yeah," Santana admitted, "but that was then and this is now."

"So, you're not going to go back out with her?" Rachel asked uncertainly.

"No," Santana replied. "I mean, don't get me wrong, Rachel is really nice and everything but, I don't feel that way about her anymore."

Santana dropped her gaze for a moment, playing with her fingers nervously in front of her.

"I'm interested in someone else," Santana went on looking at Rachel who was watching her attentively. "It wouldn't be fair to me or Rachel if I agreed."

"Oh," Rachel said smiling. "Your secret crush?"

"Yes," Santana answered returning the smile.

"Don't you think it's kind of stupid to say no to someone who actually wants to date you when you're not doing anything to pursue the person that you really want to be with?" Rachel asked her light-heartedly.

"What makes you think I'm not doing anything to pursue them?" Santana asks flippantly, a deep chuckle escaping her lips. "Maybe I'm just being really subtle about it, you know, playing hard to get. Perhaps," she said holding her finger up to stop Rachel from interrupting, the other girls' mouth opening to speak. "Perhaps," she repeated before continuing, "I'm making them fall for me a little bit at a time without them even realising it. I know it's risky, but, if it works, it'll be worth it."

"I thought love was supposed to be instantaneous and all consuming," Rachel stated. "You know, like lighting a match coated in gasoline…"

"Only in the movies," Santana told her, noticing the disappointed look which played on her features. "What you're thinking of is attraction." Santana continued. "That's immediate, but love…love is slow burning. You're attracted to a person for the way that they look but, you love them for who they are, for the little things which make them unique." She paused for a moment to simplify it for Rachel. "You're attracted to what's on the outside," Santana told her, "but, you love them for what's on the inside."

"I wish I knew what that felt like," Rachel responded, her voice wistful.

"You will one day," Santana told her, hoping privately that it would be her that inspired those feelings in Rachel.

"How do you know?" Rachel asked. "I mean, I don't think about people like that…at all. What if the accident has damaged that part of my brain? What if I never fall in love?"

Santana smiled sadly, placing a comforting hand on Rachel's shoulder.

"You love with your heart Rachel," Santana said, truly believing her words. "Not your head."

"No, but…" Rachel started.

"Trust me," Santana interrupted. "You love despite what your head tells you, not because of it."

Rachel looked at Santana doubtfully but didn't question her words any further, instead climbing off the bed quickly to pull a notebook and pen off her desk. She clambers back onto it, lying on her stomach so that her feet were resting against the wall, her head at the foot of the bed. Santana mimicked her position, lying down beside her.

"What are you doing?" she asked in confusion.

"I'm writing your crush a note," Rachel informed her, opening her notebook to an empty page and readying her pen.

"What?" Santana asked in disbelief. "I told you I had a plan. Don't mess with it. You'll throw me off my game."

"I'm not going to post it or anything," Rachel reassured her. "I don't even know who it is but, it'll be good handwriting practice for me." She told Santana, "plus, it'll help you to appreciate your feelings for her so that you finally decide to ask her out."

Rachel smiled as she said this, truly believing that her method would help Santana to move forward with her crush, little knowing that it was her.

"Besides," Rachel comments laughing to herself, "this way, I can live vicariously through you. I think we both know that I'm destined to grow old alone, with like, twenty cats. I'm too anti-social and weird to be in a relationship."

"You're not anti-social." Santana reassured her, watching her closely for a moment. "You are a little weird though." She joked, laughing.

Rachel laughed but didn't say anything, instead choosing to just stare at Santana until she finally relented. Santana felt slightly self-conscious about discussing her feelings for Rachel, with, well, Rachel but she saw the bright smile it produced on her features and knew that it meant a lot to her. By discussing this with Rachel, it provided a welcome distraction from her own problems and allowed her to feel as though she was being useful in some way, something which she hadn't felt for a long time.

"Ok," Santana said groaning slightly. "What are we doing here cupid?"

Rachel smiled and sticking her tongue out, her face screwed up in concentration, started to write on the notebook page before her.

Santana watched her and scrutinised the writing once she'd paused, her eyes focused on Santana's face as she scanned her barely legible script.

"Can you read it?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"Kind of," Santana said taking a closer look.

"It says," Rachel began reading her own work back to Santana, "To my secret crush, I'm too shy to tell you who I am so instead I thought I'd write you a note. I've listed the reasons that I like you below, because, although I can't bring myself to tell you face to face, I think it's important to know that you are special to someone and the reasons why:"

Santana smiled at Rachel's adorable words as the other girl wrote the number one in the margin and waited expectantly for Santana to say something.

"Wow, alright," Santana said scooting closer to Rachel. "Number one," she paused to look at the side of Rachel's face. Her tongue was sticking out between her teeth, her pen poised over the page awaiting Santana's next words with anticipation. "You're one of the sweetest people that I've ever met."

Rachel scrawled the sentence onto the page and waiting after writing the number two in the margin below.

"You're beautiful on the inside and the outside even though you don't think you are," Santana said, resting her head on a propped up hand, her attention completely focused on Rachel who was grinning widely.

"You have great taste in music," Santana continued once Rachel had written the number three, "and you work hard every single day without complaint."

Santana paused for a moment to allow Rachel to catch up.

"Number five," Santana went on, "You're passionate about the things you love and unapologetic for liking the things that you do. You're laugh is infectious," Santana continued, finding her rhythm, "and you're eyes are captivating, I feel like I could lose myself in them for hours and never get bored."

Rachel paused to glance at Santana who averted her gaze to the page quickly to hide her blatant staring.

"What else?" Rachel prompted when Santana didn't go on.

"Number eight," Santana continued after a moment of thought. "Your smile can brighten my mood in a way no artificial drug ever could."

"Some of us aren't so lucky," Rachel commented as she continued to write. "Although I have to admit the drugs do help."

Santana smiled at Rachel, having resumed her previous position now that her attention was once again focused on the page.

"You never give up despite how hard things can be," Santana told her. "You're smart and creative."

Rachel continued writing and Santana continued speaking, reeling off reason after reason as to why she liked the girl who ironically sat on the bed beside her, completely oblivious. Santana had listed about fifty things that she liked about Rachel and felt like she could probably continue on forever, noting all the little oddities about her she found endearing. However, she decided to finish with the most prominent thought in her head, especially with Rachel lying so close beside her.

"Finally," Santana began, "number fifty two, you have the softest lips I've ever kissed."

Rachel looked at Santana and smiled.

"You've kissed her?" She asked surprised.

"Yes," Santana replied, still disappointed that Rachel did not remember the exchange that had taken place yesterday.

"You didn't tell me that, when?" She asked interestedly.

"None of your business," Santana said playfully, winking at Rachel.

"Spoil sport!" Rachel said before glancing back at the list in front of her. "This is really sweet," Rachel noted. "You really like her huh?

"Yeah," Santana answered scrutinising Rachel as she re-read through them once again. She ripped the page out of her notebook and held it in Santana's direction.

"You should give her this." Rachel commented. "She'd like to have it. You say some really nice things about her."

Santana looked at her a moment unconvinced.

"Well, maybe rewrite it first though because honestly, I can barely read it and I wrote it." Rachel laughed. "Maybe type it up or something…you don't want her to think you're illiterate."

"Rachel," Santana groaned at the other girls' self-deprecation. "Don't say things like that."

"Ok fine," Rachel said waving her free hand dismissively, "but seriously, will you give it to her?"

"I don't know Rachel," Santana said in response.

"Please," Rachel pleaded. "Do it for me. You said you wanted to make me feel better."

"Ugh, fine." Santana whined, taking the page and putting it into her pocket, "but just for future record, emotional blackmail is not ok."

"It won't happen again," Rachel promised brightly.

"Alright then, I'll give the note to her," Santana promised. "But don't hold your breath for any great revelations and declarations of love. It'll be anonymous."

"Well," Rachel said. "At least it's a start."

"So, now that we've spent a lot of time talking about my development," Santana started. "Let's talk about yours. Have you been practicing the guitar like we talked about?"

"I have," Rachel replied honestly, "but I'm not really getting anywhere fast."

Rachel sat up slightly, propping herself up on her elbows.

"I even asked my physical therapist if she could give me some exercises to help with my hand dexterity." Rachel informed her.

"Did she?" Santana asked keenly.

"Yeah," Rachel said excitedly, "so hopefully that'll help."

"Can you show me?" Santana asked enthusiastically.

"My exercises?" Rachel asked tentatively.

"No, what you can play on the guitar," Santana clarified.

Rachel looked hesitant for minute, dropping her gaze to the bed.

"Well," Rachel said, "my arm really aches from yesterday still. I don't really feel like playing. Is that alright?"

"Of course," Santana told her. "Next time ok?"

"Ok," Rachel promises before asking, "Can you play a song for me instead? I'd really like to see you play."

"Alright," Santana agreed reluctantly as she rolled off the bed and walked over to collect Rachel's guitar. She sat opposite Rachel in the desk chair, strumming on the guitar strings a few times thinking of a song to play.

"I don't normally play for other people," Santana told Rachel seriously, "so you should consider this a privilege. I normally keep music for myself, you know, it's kind of personal to me."

Rachel smiled at Santana's words. "Me too," she admitted.

Santana strums a few more chords as Rachel watched from her position on the bed. She was lying on her stomach, her head propped up on her elbows.

"Ok," Santana said, finally making a decision and strumming the tune to the song she was going to play.

"I love this song," Rachel comments, recognising it almost immediately.

Santana smiles as she continues to play before dropping her gaze to the guitar in her hands and starting to sing smoothly.

"All I knew, this morning when I woke, is I know something now, know something now, I didn't before. And all I've seen since eighteen hours ago is green eyes and freckles in your smile in the back of my mind making me feel right." Santana glanced at Rachel who was watching a bright smile on her face shaking her head from side to side with the music. "I just wanna know you better,know you better, know you better now. I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now."

Santana smiled to herself when she heard Rachel attempt to join in with the duet part of the chorus. Santana ignored the fact that she stumbled over her words to appreciate the unique raspy tone her voice seemed to emit effortlessly when it was able.

"I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now. I just wanna know you, know you, know you."

Santana continued alone after this, Rachel struggling to sing and speak at the same time, her words sticking in her throat.

"Cause all I know is we said, "Hello," and your eyes look like coming home. All I know is a simple name, everything has changed. All I know is you held the door, you'll be mine and I'll be yours. All I know since yesterday is everything has changed…"

When Santana had finished singing the song, Rachel clapped her hands together unreservedly in appreciation.

"That was amazing," she told Santana. "You have a really good voice. Why don't you sing in front of other people?"

"I don't know," Santana told her truthfully, "nothing's ever inspired me to do so before. Besides you can talk, I heard you joining in at some parts. Your tone is just….so unique, it's incredible."

"Perhaps," Rachel said not sure how to respond to the compliment, "but I can't sing….my speech is worse when I try to say things quickly. My brain takes longer to process the words so I can't keep up and then….something like that happens"

"Well, I would have loved to have seen you sing before the accident." Santana told her. "Maybe with more therapy you can perform a song for me. After all, you do owe me now."

"Ok, if I ever get good enough I'll sing for you." Rachel told her genuinely. "I wouldn't hold your breath though."

There was silence for a moment as Santana put the guitar back down and Rachel sat up on the bed. Santana joined her as Rachel asked, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Santana told her sitting back down beside her.

"Why did you pick that song to play?" Rachel asked. "I mean out of all the ones you know."

"Easy," Santana told her. "It's been pretty much all I've listened to since," Santana had to stop herself saying, "I met you" and instead said, "I first saw my crush. It pretty much sums up my feelings perfectly."

"I love that," Rachel said reflectively, "you know, when a song can remind you of someone or mean something to you on a deeper level."

"Do you have any songs that are like that for you?" Santana asked her curiously.

Rachel nodded.

"After the accident," Rachel opened up. "I was really angry and upset about everything and I was sulking in here, listening to my iPod when 'Skyscraper' by Demi Lovato came on. It just kind of touched me then I guess. I mean, I've always loved it, but, in that moment it just had a whole new meaning for me."

Santana nodded in understanding. "I can see why it would." Santana said honestly.

"I sometimes think about the person that hit me," Rachel admitted, "and I wonder if they realize what they took from me that day. I wonder if they ever feel guilty."

"You shouldn't," Santana responded, rubbing Rachel's shoulder sympathetically, "don't give them a second thought."

"Santana," Rachel started thoughtfully. "You should sing that song to your crush at the Christmas show at school. You could dedicate it to her or something."

"You're determined to set me up with this girl aren't you?" Santana laughed.

"Well, it would be easier if you told me who she was," Rachel chuckled. "Maybe then I could put in a good word for you."

"Ok," Santana began, a sudden thought occurring to her. ""I'll sing it at the school's Christmas show, if you promise to sing it with me….playing your guitar."

"You're joking aren't you?" Rachel said incredulously. "I'll never be able to do that."

"Shame," Santana said playfully. "Guess I'll just have to be alone forever."

"Santana," Rachel whined hitting her playfully on the arm. "Don't say that. I don't want to be the reason you aren't with the person you love."

"Who said I love her." Santana asked, her turn to be surprised.

"Umm…" Rachel said. "Well, there's the song….and…the endless list of things you made me write earlier."

"That's not love." Santana protested.

"It is so." Rachel countered.

"Your problem Rachel is that you're a romantic." Santana informed her.

"Perhaps," Rachel said, "but, do you know the one thing I got out of my accident?" Rachel asked her rhetorically. "Perspective…well, that and disinhibition, which can sometimes make me says things I wouldn't otherwise but," she went on, "what I really learnt is that life is too short."

She paused a moment for effect. "Tell the people you love that you love them. They might not be here tomorrow." She finished.

"What if she doesn't feel the same?" Santana questioned.

"What if she does?" Rachel asked her in return.

"What if it ruins everything?" Santana persisted.

"What if it doesn't?" Rachel defied again. "What if taking one risk could make you happier than you could have ever imagined?"

"You ask too many questions?" Santana noted laughing.

"Well, you don't ask enough." Rachel stated. "What are you so scared of Santana?"

"I'm scared of losing something I've never had." Santana admitted. "Now, at this moment, I can hope that one day she'll feel the same but if I tell her, if she says no or tells me that she doesn't feel the same, it's over, my illusion is shattered. I'm much happier living in ignorant bliss thanks."

"That's not living." Rachel told her insightfully.

"Well, it's the best that I can do for now" Santana told her. "Besides, I don't see you confessing your undying love for anyone."

"That's because I can't," Rachel said sadly. "Because apparently aside for making me a clumsy, vocally impaired airhead, my head injury means I can't fall in love either." She laughed at her words despite herself.

"See and that's the problem" Santana told her feeling brave and inspired by Rachel's words.

"Why?" Rachel asked.

"Because you're the person I like Rachel." Santana told her as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the piece of paper she'd given her earlier.

Rachel had a look of confusion on her face as Santana handed it back to her. Rachel took it reflexively, an uncertain look on her face and unfolded it, staring at the words written there with a blank expression on her face, shocked. Santana watched her for a moment before standing up from the bed and heading towards the door, she paused momentarily to look back at Rachel, the other girl still staring at the paper in her hand, not moving.

Santana felt her illusion shatter at the silence that seemed to hang in the air between them like a fog. Santana sighed to herself before exiting the room and making her way towards Rachel's front the door. She left quickly, closing the door behind her and climbing behind the wheel of her car.

Shit Santana thought as she heard the song play once again in her head again.

"All I know is we said, "Hello," so dust of your highest hopes. All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed. All I know is a new found grace, all my days I'll know your face, all I know since yesterday is everything has changed'

_Shit. Shit. Shit._


	11. Chapter Eleven

Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.

* * *

Santana sat in her car, her hands clasping the steering wheel tightly, her head resting on top of them, her eyes closed. She inhaled deeply in an attempt to clear her head. _What the hell had she been thinking?_ She thought to herself, banging her head against the steering wheel gently. For the life of her Santana couldn't understand what had possessed her to do something _so stupid_. There was a reason that she'd been keeping her feelings a secret from Rachel, a very _valid_ reason. It wasn't because she was scared of Rachel's rejection, although, she'd admit that had played on her mind in the numerous debates she'd had with herself about opening up to the girl that consumed her every waking thought. No, her silence was actually due to much less selfish reasons. Rachel was vulnerable; she was dealing with a lot of stress already, with her health, with school and Santana didn't want to add to that any further. Santana had been happy being Rachel's friend, more than happy in fact. Spending time with Rachel was better than nothing and her happiness meant more to Santana than her own ever would. Santana had kept her feelings quiet because deep down she knew that Rachel needed her more as a friend then she needed Rachel as a girlfriend. Now everything was ruined and there was a very distinct possibility that she'd lose Rachel completely, all because she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Santana banged her head against the steering wheel again, her right hand mirroring it and striking the object in frustration. _Shit. _She thought. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

She inhaled deeply once again, letting the breath escape slowly from her mouth, trying to rid herself of the terrified dread which seemed to have consumed her whole body. Santana tried to recollect what she'd been thinking when she'd confessed all to Rachel but the truth is she hadn't been. In that moment it had just felt _right_ and she couldn't help herself from finally speaking the words she'd longed to say since the first day that they'd met. For once, Santana had taken her own advice and she'd let her heart govern her emotions. She'd stopped overthinking everything; shut her brain and its maddening logic out of conscious thought and done what Rachel had suggested, she'd taken a risk, she'd _lived._

The only problem was that living was painful. It fucking _hurt. _As soon as something was out there, as soon as you'd voiced those words and someone had heard them, you could never take them back. Rachel had told her that life was too short and Santana agreed with that sentiment wholeheartedly, it had, in fact been a huge driving force behind her confession. The thought of losing Rachel, that any more harm should come to her than already had, scared Santana. The thought of Rachel never knowing what she'd meant to Santana terrified her more than anything, especially because her confidence and self-esteem were already so low. So she'd thought,_ "What the hell? What's the worst that could happen?"_ Had she thought about it a little bit more, perhaps she would have listened to that infuriating rationality which she often prided herself on and kept her mouth firmly closed.

Instead, she now found herself sitting alone in her car, the deathly silence that had followed her confession ringing tauntingly in her ears. Santana lifted her head off the steering wheel and ran a hand through her hair, resolving to get as far away from Rachel's house as possible so that she could clear her head and think. She quickly found her car keys in her lap, pushed them into the ignition and turned them, the engine and car burning into life around her. Santana put the car in drive, checked her rear view mirror momentarily and indicated to pull out from her parking spot, her foot finding the accelerator and moving the vehicle forward and away from the curb.

Santana was just picking up speed when she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye and the next thing she knew something had thrown itself in front of her car. She slammed on the brakes, the car coming to a sudden, screeching stop just centimetres from the person in front of it who had hit the hood firmly with both hands in an attempt to protect themselves from impact. Santana's mouth dropped slightly in surprise as she finally realised that it was Rachel who was stood watching her from the other side of the windscreen and she flew out of the car, her concern for the other girl manifesting as anger.

"Jesus Christ Rachel!" Santana shouted, slamming the car door closed firmly behind her. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" She practically screamed. "I would have thought that you'd have known not to throw yourself in front of a moving vehicle after the last time you collided with one!"

Santana regretted her outburst in an instant when she scrutinised Rachel who stood a few feet away, her hand clasping tightly onto the front of the car as though it's the only thing keeping her on her feet. Her face is ashen and she looks like she's about to either vomit or collapse, maybe even both.

"Shit," Santana said under her breath, closing the distance between them and placing a steadying hand on Rachel's shoulder.

Rachel lifted one hand to her mouth as though to stop herself from being sick and leant her elbow firmly on the hood of Santana's car, her knees almost buckling underneath her.

"Ok, just breathe Rachel," Santana prompted. "Don't you dare pass out on me alright?"

Rachel raised her eyes to meet Santana's, searching for something to ground her suddenly spinning head. She didn't know why she thought it'd be a good idea to throw herself in front of Santana's car. All she knew was that she had to stop her from leaving and it was the first thing that'd come to mind on seeing Santana pulling away from the curb. She regretted it immensely now, the flashbacks hitting her almost instantly.

"Jesus Rachel," Santana said concern etched in her voice, "say something. You're freaking me out. Do Should I call an ambulance?"

Rachel shook her head in response and waved her hand dismissively.

"N…o" she managed to articulate inhaling deeply, her eyes closing momentarily as she released the breath slowly trying to restore her vision.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Santana asked her, anger returning to her voice as she saw Rachel stand up straighter to face her, evidently regaining her composure.

Rachel opened her mouth to speak but said nothing. She took a minute to steady her breathing, closing her eyes once again. After a moment, she opened them to meet Santana's questioning and expectant stare. Rachel she opened her mouth to respond again, shaking her head for an instant when no words came, her eyes closing as she did so and Santana watched as her face contorted in an effort to speak.

Rachel hit the hood of Santana's car with the palm of her hand and Santana jumped in surprise at the unforeseen outburst. She put both her hands on the top of her head and dropped it down for a minute before hitting the hood of Santana's car once more.

"Seriously?" Santana asked her incredulously, irritation laced in her voice. "You can't speak?" She paused throwing her hands up in the air in agitation. "You can't say one word to me?"

Santana watched Rachel, waiting but no words came, not one single word.

"Unbelievable," Santana said, "You could talk perfectly ten minutes ago but_now_ you can't?" she asked emphasizing the word. "A little bit convenient don't you think?"

Rachel met Santana's gaze apologetically but Santana shook her head, turning around and starting to walk back around to her car door. She stopped in her tracks when she felt Rachel grab her wrist firmly in obvious desperation.

Santana spun around to face her, not saying anything, just waiting for Rachel to say something, _anything_.

"I…." Rachel started closing her eyes and moistening her bottom lip with her tongue before biting down on it hard. She took another deep breath and tried again. "I…h…hhad….to…to…ssssttop…yyyoooouuu."

Rachel sighed in relief at finally managing to say something despite its lack of fluidity.

"Why?" Santana asked seriously. "Why did you have to stop me Rachel?"

Rachel stared at Santana, just stared, her expression frantic and despairing. Irrespective of what Santana may have thought, her inability to speak wasn't convenient, in fact, it was _fucking inconvenient_ if you asked her. It was as though she were mute, her brain completely ignoring every command that she gave it to speak. Rachel was physically incapable of producing a single word and it was really starting to piss her off.

Unable to speak, Rachel did the only thing she could think off and reached into her pocket quickly; pulling out the piece of paper that Santana had given back to her a little earlier. Rachel unfolded it and held it up in front of Santana pointing at it meaningfully.

"I don't know what that means?" Santana told her exasperated. "You have to say it Rachel."

Rachel lowered the paper in her hands, her gaze lowered, her eyes darting around in their sockets as she thought. Finally she stepped around to the passenger door of Santana's car and opened it, sticking her head inside for a moment to retrieve something before closing it again and returning to her previous position.

Santana watched her with interest as she leant over the hood of the car, turning the piece of paper over and using the pen, which Santana now realised she'd taken out of her glove compartment, started to write something on an empty corner of the sheet.

When she'd finished, she moved aside slightly and gestured for Santana to read it. Santana stepped forward and studied Rachel's scrawled handwriting, which was now also worse than it had been earlier.

"I'm sorry," Santana apologised sincerely. "I can't read that."

Rachel looked at her writing, running a hand through her hair in obvious irritation. Santana watched her for a moment as she crammed the page from her notebook back into her back pocket, the pen following quickly after.

She turned to face Santana once again, reaching for her wrist and taking it in her small right hand. Rachel took a deep breath, her face contorting with the apparent effort to try and speak. She opened and closed her mouth a few times with no effect. Quickly, she released Santana's arm from her own and turned to face the car beside her, her whole demeanour erupting in fury as she started to kick and hit the hood of it feverishly.

"Rachel!" Santana shouted as she took a step towards the aggravated girl before her and narrowly missed getting a black eye from a wayward fist. "Stop it! Shit, Rachel! Jesus, you're going to hurt yourself."

Rachel ignored Santana's words, her whole body taken over with a rage which she had been holding in ever since she woke up to find herself a broken version of her former self, a lesser version.

Santana grabbed for Rachel's wrists, trying to get her to stop, but she was in a complete frenzy, her fists flying so quickly that Santana barely had time to react before they'd moved again. She could see the tears in Rachel's eyes and her gut churned as she made another attempt to restrain Rachel's hands, concerned more about the potential physical damage Rachel could cause herself then the damage being done to her car. Rachel had already suffered so much at the hands of someone else, but, watching her now, inflicting suffering on herself was more than Santana could bear.

"Hey," Santana said trying to contain Rachel's hands one more. "Hey….it's alright….Rachel….it's ok, alright?"

Santana finally managed to detain Rachel's fists in her hands but all it did was turn Rachel's attention towards Santana and she struggled in the other girls hold, twisting her arms forcefully from one side to another in an attempt to release them from her grip. Afraid that she'd hurt her, Santana relaxed her hold and Rachel pulled her hands back away from Santana. Rachel stepped back as Santana took a step towards her with an outstretched hand.

"Rachel," Santana said her voice soft. "It's ok."

Rachel wiped at her eyes furiously, tears continuing to fall unashamedly.

Santana took another step towards Rachel, but she stepped back once more causing Santana to frown. Finally Santana quickly closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around Rachel's body and pulling her close into her. She felt Rachel resist the embrace, her arms pushing at Santana's chest in an attempt to separate them but Santana held her tighter until all the strength seemed to leave the smaller girl and she collapsed down onto her knees.

Santana accompanied Rachel onto the floor, her arms never loosening their hold around Rachel's torso as the smaller girl sobbed into her arms.

"It's ok," Santana soothed her, stroking her hair. "Shh….it's alright."

On hearing Santana's voice, Rachel struggled once again out of the other girls' grasp and Santana let her, watching as she leant back onto her heels, tears streaming down her face, her body shaking as she tried to breathe in between her sobs. She still couldn't talk, she couldn't say a word but, apparently, she didn't need to because finally she knew how to tell Santana everything that she couldn't vocalise.

Rachel wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand as Santana started to make a move to stand up. Rachel reached for Santana's hand desperately, pulling her back onto her knees in front of her hastily before crashing their lips together.

The contact was so strong, so deliberate; that Santana almost lost her balance and fell over backwards it was so forceful. Rachel separated their lips for a moment, leaning back a little to meet Santana's gaze. She had a stunned and disbelieving expression on her face clearly taken aback by Rachel's sudden act. Rachel waited hopefully, her eyes never leaving Santana's face.

Santana moved her hand up to touch her lips with her fingertips, dropping her gaze as she did so. When she eventually looked back up, she saw Rachel, waiting with anticipation, trying desperately to convey what she couldn't say with her eyes.

"Rachel," Santana said dropping her head sadly, misinterpreting the kiss for one of comfort or pity, anything other than what it really was.

Rachel swallowed down a sob, taking a deep breath as Santana tried to get up once more. This time Rachel let her, standing up quickly and waiting for Santana to say something else. When she turned to walk back to the door of her car, Rachel grabbed her wrist once more, spinning Santana around and crashing their lips together again.

This time it was Santana's turn to try and move away but Rachel put her right hand around her waist and pulled her closer to her, trying to deepen the kiss. She heard Santana moan in response to the contact and when she opened her mouth slightly to let another moan escape, Rachel took the opportunity to lightly suck on Santana's bottom lip. As though finally gathering her faculties, Santana snapped her head back quickly, placing the back of her hand over her mouth and stepping away from Rachel when the arm she'd held around Santana's waist relaxed slightly.

Rachel made a move to step towards Santana this time, her eyes pleading with the other girl but Santana held hers up between them, staying her.

"No," Santana told her firmly. "Please don't."

Rachel looked confused and tried to step towards her once again. This time Santana physically pushed her back.

"Jesus Rachel," Santana muttered. "Don't ok? Don't kiss me if you don't mean it. I don't need your pity."

Rachel's features took on a surprised expression and she stepped forward once again but Santana held her back.

"I have to go," Santana told her matter of factly. "I can't do this. I'm sorry."

Santana turned quickly on her heels and got into the car before Rachel even had time to react. She locked the doors around her just as Rachel stepped around to try and open it. She banged on the window with the palm of her hand but Santana ignored her, ignored the tears, the pleading look, because as much as she cared for Rachel she couldn't tolerate her pity. She wouldn't. Rachel had already admitted that there wasn't anyone she had a crush on. She'd said it herself that she didn't think about anyone the way Santana or the other girls' did. Rachel didn't understand what it was like to be in love, she'd told Santana that herself. So Santana deduced that, if all that were true, then Rachel kissing Santana wasn't because the feelings she had for her were mutual. It was because of something else, because she wanted to comfort Santana or because she pitied her. Either option tore Santana's insides asunder but, if there was one thing Santana hated more than rejection it was people feeling sorry for her.

Santana turned the keys in the ignition, stirring the engine to life, tears starting to form in her own eyes now as Rachel kept banging on the window frantically. She pulled away slowly at first, careful not to hurt Rachel in the process, but, once she was clear of where she'd stood, Santana pushed her foot into the pedal firmly, picking up speed and disappearing out of sight.

Rachel had tried calling Santana after she'd left. In fact, she'd phoned her multiple times over the course of the evening but Santana had ignored each attempt, instead wallowing in the only kind of pity that she welcomed gratefully, self-pity. Santana had struggled to sleep that night, her thoughts consumed with thoughts about Rachel, about what had happened and where they could possibly go from here. She'd woken up tired, irritable and moody, arriving late to school and barely concentrating when she was there. Rachel remained off today and Santana couldn't help but feel slightly grateful for that small reprieve. At lunch, Santana was quiet and finally, unable to bear her mood any longer, Quinn addressed it outright.

"Ok," Quinn said putting her sandwich down and turning to Santana. "What the hell is the matter with you today?"

"Nothing," Santana told her miserably.

"Nothing? Really?" Quinn asked her. "You know you could have fooled me. You've not touched your food and you've barely spoken to anyone all day."

"Perhaps I'm just not feeling well," Santana told her offering a small glare in irritation.

"You were fine yesterday." Brittany commented, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Yeah well that was yesterday," Santana responded testily.

"Did something happen at Rachel's?" Tina asked, not looking at Santana, her attention on the plate of food in front of her.

"What?" Santana asked defensively, "No, nothing happened at Rachel's. Why would you ask that?"

Tina lifted her head to look at Santana.

"I called her this morning," Tina informed her. "She's having a bad day too so I just wondered if something happened."

"What?" Santana asked panicked. "What did Rachel say?"

"Nothing," Tina told her honestly. "She literally didn't say one word to me."

Tina pulled her phone out of her pocket and fiddled with it momentarily before handing it to Santana.

"She sent me this text afterwards but I have no idea what she's trying to say," Tina explained. "Any clues?"

Santana handed the phone back to Tina.

"No," she answered simply.

"I called her dad after I'd gotten it" Tina went on. "He said Rachel had a rough night. Apparently she came back from taking Beth to ballet and found Rachel had trashed her room."

"Why?" Brittany asked Tina.

"Hiram didn't know." Tina told her. "She's done it before though." Tina informed them. "When she first got out of the hospital she completely trashed her bedroom, pulled all her pictures off the walls and smashed them on the floor."

"Why would she do that?" Quinn asked sadly.

"She told me afterwards that she couldn't bear to look at any of them." Tina told her. "The pictures I mean. Apparently it was too hard to be reminded of how she was before…"

"That's so sad," Quinn said sincerely.

"I didn't know that," Santana added.

"She doesn't really like to talk about it but her therapist suggested that she should." Tina explained.

"You said she trashed her room again last night?" Brittany asked concerned. "Do you think she's alright? Perhaps we should go and see her."

"Isn't she coming to yours tonight?" Quinn asked. "It's Wednesday."

"I don't know," Brittany replied. "I text her last night to remind her but she never got back to me. Did she say anything to you Santana?"

"No," Santana said anger in her voice. "Why would she say something to me?"

"Well," Brittany said scrutinizing her friend closely, "because you were with her."

Santana glanced around at the faces around her, each one observing her closely and making her feel uncomfortable.

"It didn't come up," Santana told them shortly.

"O…k…" Tina said narrowing her gaze at Santana. "What did you do?"

"Why do you assume that I did something?" Santana asked her seriously.

"Because," Tina started, "you've been acting like someone stabbed you with a kitchen knife all day and Rachel has apparently gone off the deep end."

Santana didn't say anything so Tina continued.

"You didn't tell her how you feel did you?" Tina asked a hint of surprise in her voice.

"It might have come up," Santana said avoiding the shocked gazes of those around her.

"I take it that it didn't go well," Tina said making a face.

"It definitely could have gone better," Santana informed them.

"What happened?" Quinn asked, rubbing Santana's shoulder sympathetically.

"Ugh, I don't even know," Santana told them. "One minute it was fine, Rachel was being adorable and trying to set me up with my secret crush and then the next minute I'd' blurted it out and all hell broke loose."

"She didn't take it well?" Brittany asked.

"She didn't take it at all," Santana said sadly, finally meeting their gazes. "She just sat in stunned silence and I left."

"You just walked out?" Tina asked in disbelief.

"Yes," Santana told them protectively. "She'd spent all afternoon telling me that she didn't like anyone, you know, romantically and then when I told her she didn't say anything."

"She can't speak," Tina stated incredulous.

"She can," Santana said. "She'd been fine all afternoon until then."

"You know it doesn't work like that," Tina told her seriously. "She doesn't do it on purpose."

"I know that," Santana responded.

"Do you?" Tina asked, "Because it seems like you might have forgotten."

"Yes," Santana retorted sharply before softening her tone, "but I admit that maybe I might have let my emotions get the better of me yesterday," Santana finished running a hand through her hair.

"Tell us everything that happened," Quinn said. "From the beginning."

So Santana did, she explained what had happened at the hospital whilst Rachel had still been recovering from her seizure. She told them about the compliments, the kiss, everything. She explained to them what had happened at Rachel's house yesterday, the note, playing her the song and everything that had followed it,_ everything_.

"You idiot," Tina stated simply when she'd finished.

"What?" Why?" Santana asked surprised by Tina's reaction.

"She didn't kiss you because she pitied you," Tina told her. "Rachel has never kissed anyone, ever. She'd never make the first move unless it meant_something._"

"What do you mean?" Santana asked in alarm.

"I mean that you're her first kiss Santana." Tina informed her. "She chose you, maybe not consciously the first time, but definitely the second time and she wouldn't have done it just to appease you. She did it because it meant_something_ to her to do it. What that is, I have no idea, but, apparently neither do you."

"No, but, she'd said…" Santana began sceptically.

"No but nothing," Tina interrupted her. "Rachel doesn't know her own mind any better than we know it at the moment. Her head is all over the place. She doesn't know what she feels because she's too busy feeling nothing. Why the hell do you think she's seeing a therapist?"

Santana felt her stomach drop in realisation.

"Tina's right," Brittany commented.

"I know ok," Santana almost shouted angry at herself. "Shit, this is such a fucking mess."

"What are you going to do?" Quinn asked her.

"I don't know that there is anything that I can do," Santana said. "How the fuck am I supposed to fix this?"

"You have to do something," Brittany prompted her.

"Yeah you can't leave it like this," Tina concurred.

"I have to go and see her," Santana said standing up from where she was sitting.

"What now?" Quinn asked.

"Yes, now." Santana confirmed.

"What about school?" Brittany asked her.

"Screw school," Santana told her fervently.

"You're going to bunk again?" Tina asked.

"Are you going to stop me?" Santana asked ready for the challenge.

"No," Tina replied standing up, "I was going to come with you."

Santana eyed Tina for a moment.

"Just in case." She said her voice loaded.

Santana nodded her agreement at Tina's requested presence.

"You'll be round later?" Brittany asked with concern as Santana made a move to leave.

"Me and Tina will be at yours after school," Santana told her.

"What about Rachel?" Brittany asked uncertainly.

Santana looked at Tina whose face was unreadable.

"She'll be there," Santana said confidently, her jaw set in determination.

Brittany smiled at her answer. "Then what the hell are you waiting for? Go!"

Santana felt herself smile, her nerves electrified, her body radiating anxiousness.

"I'm going," she said glancing at Tina who was looking at something over Santana's shoulder in the distance. "What's wrong?" she asked, noting Tina's stunned expression.

Tina pointed over Santana's shoulder and she turned around, her eyes searching the crowd of students for what had caught her attention. She froze when she saw her, standing across the quad, watching them.

"Rachel," Santana said turning to face her fully. "She's here."


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

Rachel lifted her hand tentatively in greeting and Santana offered a small smile in return as she watched the smaller girl navigate her way across the quad towards where she stood. Santana felt Tina come and stand beside her as Rachel neared where their group normally sat for lunch and place a cautionary hand on her shoulder. Santana looked at Tina and nodded her head in understanding. Finally, Rachel stood before Tina and Santana, her sleeves pulled down over her hands clearly apprehensive. They both noted the dark circles under Rachel's eyes hinting that she'd likely had as little sleep as Santana last night after what had happened between the two of them. Santana studied Rachel's face closely, noting its pallid complexion and the way that her normally quick and brilliant chocolate coloured eyes were today dull and hazy. Santana observed that all eyes in the quad were firmly fixed on Rachel with interest, the drama that had happened during homeroom on Monday still fresh in the students' minds. Rachel tried her best to ignore the scrutiny but Santana could tell that she felt uncomfortable under the weight of their heavy gazes.

As Rachel came to a stop in front of Santana, she dropped her eyes to Rachel's hands and was concerned to find her clutching her left wrist in her right hand over her sweater, the usually observable splint that she wore now conspicuously absent. Santana examined the back of Rachel's left hand more closely, noting a dark purple bruise just visible into both her index and middle fingers, disappearing beneath her jumper and probably spreading up towards her wrist. Santana wasn't certain, but she thought Rachel's hand looked more swollen than it had yesterday and Santana remembered the frenzied attack to the hood of her car and felt her stomach drop regretfully that she'd not been able to stop Rachel from hurting herself during her outburst.

"Hi," Rachel said drawing Santana's attention back to her face. Rachel gave Quinn and Brittany a timid wave where they sat and they returned the gesture.

"Hi," Santana said uncertainly, her bravado and confidence of mere moments ago suddenly escaping her now that Rachel was standing in front of her. "What are you doing here? I thought you were staying home today." Santana said her voice calm and soothing.

Rachel shared a looked with Tina before glancing towards Santana and hastily back down to her hands which she was twiddling nervously before her.

"I am," was all Rachel said her voice small and unsure. "Ssstaaaying…home."

"How did you get here?" Quinn asked turning around in her seat to face Rachel and prevent her from getting a sore neck. "Did your dad drive you?"

Rachel shook her head and rather than speak mimicked walking with the index and middle finger of her right hand.

"Rach," Tina said in alarm. "That's a forty minute walk."

Rachel shrugged at Tina's comment, turning her attention back to Santana who was watching her carefully.

"I…I…needed…to," Rachel started, moistening her lips and moving her jaw purposefully to try to help her speak. "T…tt…o…see…yyy.." Struggling to get the last word out Rachel visibly abandoned her effort, instead opting to just point at Santana with the index finger of her right hand.

"I was just coming to you," Santana told her and Rachel looked surprised at this revelation. "Look, about yesterday…"

Santana wasn't given the chance to finish, Rachel stepping forward to place her index finger over her lips to silence her. Santana looked puzzled but she followed Rachel's silent command and stopped talking.

"I'm…..I'm….sss…ss…sorry," Rachel managed and Santana's jaw dropped in shock.

"Wait, you're sorry?" Santana asked confused. "I was coming to apologise to you."

She paused for a moment, studying Rachel's face.

"I know what I'm sorry for," Santana continued, "but I have no idea what exactly you're apologising for Rachel."

Rachel frowned evidently confused.

"Yesterday," she said simply.

"Yeah," Santana replied. "I know you're apologising for yesterday but you didn't do anything wrong. I did."

Rachel went to say something further but this time it was Santana's turn to stop her in her tracks.

"Listen," Santana said seriously placing a hand on Rachel's shoulder, her bright green eyes never losing contact with the sluggish dark brown ones before her. "I am so sorry for what happened between us. I don't have an excuse for my behaviour, I just, I want you to know that I have never regretted anything more in my entire life then the way that I treated you."

Rachel shook her head at Santana's words in protest but she continued regardless.

"I was an idiot," Santana told her simply. "I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have left like I did and I definitely shouldn't have insinuated what I did about your speech because I know that you don't do it on purpose," Santana went on. "You have to believe that Rachel. I would never think that about you. I know how hard you try."

Santana reached down and placed her hand carefully on Rachel's left wrist, causing her to wince in response. Santana proceeded to lift Rachel's arm between them and despite Rachel's efforts to keep her sleeve pulled down, rolled it up to expose her bruised arm.

"This is not ok," Santana told her sadly as she heard Tina audibly gasp at seeing the state of Rachel's wrist, "and this happened as a result of me, because you were trying to tell me something and you couldn't because I'd stressed you out."

Rachel pulled her left arm into her stomach and cradled it with her right, Santana releasing it gladly when she moved it afraid of injuring it further. Rachel tugged at her sleeve, pulling it down over her hand to cover it up once again.

"It's fine," Rachel told her trying to lessen Santana's guilt.

Santana had a distinct feeling that nothing would help to ease the sense of responsibility she felt anytime soon.

"That is not fine," Santana responded earnestly pointing at Rachel's arm, her gut churning wretchedly. "Nothing about yesterday is fine Rachel. I dropped this massive bombshell on you and expected you to process it in an instant. Then when you didn't, I just ran away…"

"Yeah, but…" Rachel tried to interject but Santana carried on.

"Then I got angry with you when you jumped in front of my car," Santana told her, "but it was only because I was so worried that I'd hurt you. It all just came out wrong because you scared me so much. Especially afterwards…" she trailed off.

"I would actually prefer if you didn't throw yourself in front of anymore cars," Tina told Rachel, only half joking. "I mean, you know, intentionally at least."

Rachel gave Tina a look, reaching her right hand to place it on her arm reassuringly.

"Everything after that is kind of a blur," Santana admitted, "but, I remember you, you know," she said dropping her voice lower, "kissing me."

Rachel opened her mouth to say something but Santana put her hand up to stop her.

"No please," Santana said, "let me just finish alright. I've wanted to kiss you since the first day I saw you but it didn't feel right yesterday. It felt like you were just doing it to make me feel better because that's the sort of person that you are, but, I couldn't bear the thought of you pitying me so I pushed you away."

Rachel stepped forward slightly and Santana took a step back causing a pained expression to spread across Rachel's features.

"I don't know how I'm ever going to make it up to you," Santana said anxiously, "and I understand if you never want to speak to me again but please believe me when I say I really am sorry. I hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me…" she finished her voice weakening as she struggled to suppress a small sob.

Rachel frowned at Santana, noting her eyes were moist with tears before glancing at the faces of her friends, each one watching her expectantly for a response to Santana's words. Rachel exhaled noisily, heaving a huge sigh as she stepped forward and examined Santana's face thoroughly. She was mere inches from Santana and their eyes were locked together, neither of them saying anything. Rachel reached up to wipe away the moisture at Santana's eye with the pad of her right thumb and Santana felt herself laugh lightly at how misplaced the gesture felt after everything that she'd just said. In her mind, Rachel had every right to hate her, but yet, here she was showing Santana comfort when she was upset.

After she'd halted Santana's tears, Rachel reached her hand into her back pocket pulling out a wad of folded A4 paper. She handed it to Santana who took it hesitantly and Rachel nodded her head in a prompt for Santana to open it up.

Santana did as she was instructed, unfolding the wad of paper to reveal two sheets of printed out word processed writing. She looked at Rachel who gestured using her right hand for Santana to read the words written on the page. Santana obliged, perching herself back down on the seat behind her beside Quinn. Tina glanced over Santana's shoulder to read from her vantage point where she stood, Quinn and Brittany sharing questioning glances before turning their attention back to Rachel who was watching Santana attentively.

_"Santana, I haven't slept much tonight because I kept thinking about all that has happened today and everything suddenly seems to make no sense and complete sense all at once. I know that my writing is horrible so I am sat at my computer, typing you this letter at a painfully slow speed because I can't co-ordinate my hands and eyes to work together quite like they used to and my brain is struggling to formulate a coherent sentence. My therapist told me that when I am feeling sad, or angry, or frustrated that I should try to write things down because I always internalise everything. She has said that isn't good for me in the long run and could cause problems later on, so, please bear with me whilst I try to do just that because I'm not used to opening up about anything, least of all myself, except maybe at therapy._

_It's so hard for me to put into words what I want to say and for it to make sense to you because, aside from my brain not wanting to co-operate with me, I am also finally feeling something positive instead of negative and depressing, something that I don't quite understand myself. I admit that your confession came as a surprise but, strangely, not an unpleasant one. Ever since the first day of school, when you returned my notebook to me, you've been this consistent and solid support for which I will ever be grateful. You will never quite understand how much it meant to me to be blessed with yours, Quinn and Brittany's presence in my life at a time when I so desperately needed to feel like I belonged somewhere. I appreciate everything that you do for me, even when you don't realise that you're doing it and it is the little things that you do which I have come to appreciate the most. The most prominent of these is that you refuse to treat me any differently because of my problems and whilst I am struggling to find my own normality, this provides me with great comfort._

_I hate how we left things earlier because it felt like the end of something which I wasn't ready to let go of and I refuse to lose something and someone I've come to value so much. I've tried calling you but you're not answering your phone and I don't know if I should be concerned that you can't even bear the idea of talking to me. It turns out that it's probably a blessing in disguise because I've apparently lost all ability to speak, and I don't know how much would be resolved between us with a one way conversation._

_I know that I have probably hurt you and that you made yourself vulnerable and exposed by opening up to me about your feelings so I feel as though it is only fair to reciprocate that act. I really like you Santana, but I wasn't lying when I said that I don't have romantic feelings for anyone. I don't think that I can. Not yet. It's not personal, trust me, it is not you. It's me. I have thought about it a lot since you left this afternoon and have tried reading the list that you gave me today, only to find that my thoughts were not with me, but with you, distracted as always. I think that if I was to like anyone Santana then it would be you, because there are so many qualities to admire and love about you that they would probably rival the number that you listed for me. The problem is that I don't think I can truly fall in love with someone at the moment because I don't even know how to love myself. Does that make sense? The list that you gave me is amazing and anyone else would appreciate your words for what they probably are, the truth, but, I can't and you know why. I'd tell you all about my not to subtle self-confidence and body image issues but you are already aware of them, because you Santana, can read me better than almost anyone. You read my mood better than even I can sometimes._

_I know that perhaps this is not what you want to hear but I after this realisation I now know that I can't love someone else until I learn to love myself again. I have to find a way to do that but I both want and need you to be there with me, because, when I do finally find myself again, I want it to be with you, I want you to be the person that teaches me how to love Santana. You love so freely and so openly, without prejudice, and I want to be able to do that too, only, with you._

_I didn't kiss you today because I pitied you, because I felt I had to. I kissed you because I wanted to, because, in the midst of my despair you put aside your own feelings to be there for me even though you felt rejected and angry with me. I want to love you Santana and I think, subconsciously a part of me already does, otherwise, how else would you explain the kiss that I cannot remember prior to the one we shared yesterday? I assume that it happened after my seizure and it saddens me to know that I will never remember our first kiss if that is the case._

_I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I want to love you Santana because you've made the past five weeks that I've known you happier than they should ever have been considering the circumstances. I want to give you everything that you want, but, that, like my physical and emotional recovery will take time. Someone wise once told me that love is a slow burn not instant and all-consuming like I'd thought, so, what I want to know is Santana, can you give me that time?"_

Santana lowered the paper when she'd finished reading and bit her bottom lip, glancing up at Rachel who was watching her expectantly with a questioning look. Everything in Santana's body was telling her to stand up and embrace Rachel in her arms, but, she decided against it. Not quite believing her luck, Santana offered Rachel a warm smile instead which the other girl reciprocated willingly.

"So you don't hate me?" Santana asked her, still not quite grasping that Rachel did not think any less of her for her behaviour yesterday.

Rachel shook her head, "No," she said, the smile still firmly in place.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Santana asked her, waving the paper in front of Rachel slightly.

Rachel shrugged trying to get her point across and Santana laughed a little at her carelessness.

"I mean," she clarified so that Rachel could answer with a simple yes or no response. "You'd consider us, I mean, the two of us together at some point?"

Rachel shook her head, "No."

"Wait, but I thought…" Santana started but she didn't get a chance to finish because Rachel closed the gap between them and lightly planted a soft gentle kiss on her lips. Santana smiled into the kiss, her eyes closing reflexively whilst Rachel's lips remained in contact with her own. She opened them when Rachel stepped back and couldn't stop the face eating grin from spreading across her face. She looked around at the faces of her friends who all had similar expressions on their faces and Santana noticed that other people were also still watching the interaction with interest.

"Now," Rachel clarified when Santana met her gaze once more. "Just…slow…ok?"

Santana laughed, feeling as though her chest was going to explode with the happiness that she felt.

"Ok," Santana agreed and this time she didn't hesitate to throw her arms around Rachel's shoulders and pull her into a hug. She kissed the side of Rachel's temple lightly before releasing her again.

"Hey, can I see that?" Quinn said, pointing to Rachel's note in Santana's hand.

Rachel nodded and took a seat beside Santana, whilst Tina returned to her original seat opposite. Brittany leaned over the table to read along with Quinn and they both smiled as they finished.

"You're really articulate," Quinn commented handing the pages back to Santana. "I don't want to offend you but I'm kind of surprised."

Rachel shrugged in response pointing to her head. "It…still works."

"Yeah but you struggle to write and co-ordinate your hands," Quinn said interestedly. "So how did you type that up?"

Rachel smiled as she motioned pressing one key at a time with the index finger of her right hand.

"Did it take you long?" Tina asked. Rachel squinted her eyes a little as she thought and then held up six fingers.

"Six minutes," Tina replied. "Impressive, you're obviously getting better."

Rachel shook her head and made an upward gesture with her index finger.

"Hours?" Tina asked incredulous.

Rachel nodded, "Couldn't…concentrate."

"Your speech is so bad today," Tina told her and Rachel gave her a look that said, "_Well, duh?"_

"What are you going to do now?" Brittany asked her. "Are you going to stick around for classes?"

Rachel shook her head.

"How will you get home?" Santana asked her worriedly.

"Walk," Rachel answered.

"Yeah, like hell you will," Santana told her standing up from her chair as Rachel watched. "I'll drive you."

Rachel shook her head again. "School?" she questioned.

"It'll still be here when I get back," Santana told her seriously. "Besides, you're the one that told me to live a little if I recall."

Rachel looked at her for a moment before glancing with the others pleadingly for help.

"I don't think you're going to change her mind," Quinn told her honestly. "If I were you I'd just agree."

"Yeah Rach," Tina said, "besides you already look like crap so I don't know that another forty minute walk will help that situation."

Rachel laughed before reaching over the table and hitting Tina playfully with her right arm.

"Rude," she managed to say and Tina chuckled.

"Come on Berry," Santana said holding out her hand for Rachel to take. "I'm taking you home whether you like it or not."

Rachel smiled at Santana's gesture and placed her right hand in Santana's left, allowing her to pull her up out of the seat she was occupying. Rachel entwined their fingers together and Santana glanced at their interlocked hands happily.

"I'll be back soon," Santana told the others.

"You better be," Tina told her jokingly. "No funny business ok?"

Brittany who was having a sip of water at the moment, almost choked on her drink, spluttering in her seat as Santana gave Tina an incredulous look.

"Tina," she groaned through gritted teeth feeling embarrassed, but Santana relaxed when Rachel squeezed her hand reassuringly, her smile still in place.

Tina gave her a wink in response as Rachel started leading Santana to the parking lot, through the quad of people, who still remained watching.

"See you guys later," Brittany called knowingly, perceptive to the fact that once Santana left school, she wouldn't be coming back.

Santana threw her a glance and waved goodbye, the other girls' watching until they were out of sight.

The car ride back to Rachel's house was quiet, but not the awkward silence that often falls between strangers, comfortable silence. Rachel rested her head against the passenger window, looking out of it as Santana drove. In the background, the faint sound of the car engine and the radio could be heard but otherwise they didn't speak. Rachel closed her eyes for a few minutes and Santana wondered whether she had a headache or if she was just tired. Finally, Santana pulled up outside of Rachel's house and stopped the car.

"Rachel," Santana said nudging her slightly when she didn't respond. "Hey," Santana said wiping a strand out of Rachel's face to see her eyes still closed. "We're here…" she trailed off.

Santana nudged Rachel gently once more and she stirred slowly, rubbing at the sleep in her eyes. Rachel lifted her head to look in Santana's direction, a dopey smile on her face.

"We're here," Santana repeated pointing at the house.

"Already?" Rachel asked.

"Afraid so," Santana told her climbing out of the car and walking around to open Rachel's door. She offered Rachel her hand to help her out and she took it gratefully, struggling to find her balance. "Wow, you really are tired," Santana commented.

Rachel yawned as if to make the point even more, "Didn't…sleep." She said covering her mouth with her free hand.

"Here let me help you up to your room," Santana offered, leading Rachel along the path, her arm wrapped supportively round her waist. At the door Santana pressed down on the handle and found it unlocked. "Is your dad at home?"

"No," Rachel said. "Work."

"You left your door unlocked," Santana told her seriously.

Rachel seemed to wake up a little bit at that news. "I forgot." She said truthfully. "Ssshhit."

Santana guided Rachel through the door and glanced around the house, checking for anything out of place.

"Everything looks the same," Santana noted as she followed Rachel, closing the front door behind her.

Rachel trudged up the stairs, one step at a time, holding onto the bannister firmly for support with her right arm. Santana continued to follow her up and into her room, standing in the doorway as Rachel collapsed on top of the bed.

She laughed lightly at the sight and Rachel turned her head to look at Santana pointedly.

"I'm sorry," Santana said, "but I can't believe you thought you'd be able to walk home."

"My mistake," Rachel commented, stretching her limbs which still ached from the seizure she'd had on Monday. Her left arm was throbbing painfully but she'd never admit it to Santana. She knew she'd only worry and they'd managed to sort things out.

"So I'll see you tonight?" Santana asked, her left shoulder leaning against the doorframe.

"You're going?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Santana replied. "I have school remember."

"Don't," Rachel said almost pleading. "Please…stay…"

"Rachel you're going to pass out from exhaustion in a minute," Santana laughed. "You don't need me to stay here with you for that."

"Please," Rachel said again, shifting her position and patting the bed beside her.

"Are you sure?" Santana asked stepping into the room. "I thought you wanted to take things slow."

Rachel managed to raise her eyebrow at Santana's implied suggestion which ruffled the other girl somewhat.

"No," Santana said quickly, "I didn't mean…you know, it's just…I don't know what slow means exactly…like…you know?"

Rachel smiled patting the bed again and Santana climbed onto it beside her. She sat up, resting her back against the head board. Rachel moved closer to Santana, snuggling closer to the other girl and resting her head on her chest.

"Ok?" Rachel asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," Santana said smiling widely as she wrapped an arm around Rachel's shoulders and pulled her into her body further. "This is perfect."

"So…" Santana said broaching the subject delicately. "In regards to my previous comment…what exactly does _slow_ mean?"

Rachel tilted her head to look at Santana who was watching her face eagerly.

"Kissing?" Santana asked probingly.

Rachel grinned widely, her huge, face eating grin which made her dull eyes sparkle back to life. She craned her neck, reaching up to take Santana's lips in her own, twisting her body slightly as she did so. For the first time since Rachel had originally kissed her at the hospital, Santana reciprocated back, exploring the feel of Rachel's lips against her own. When she finally pulled back, her head felt dizzy and light, possibly from a lack of oxygen, but definitely from the overwhelming happiness that she felt in this moment. Rachel rested her head back onto Santana's chest and she sunk down into a more supine position, keeping Rachel close to her body all the time. Santana found Rachel's left hand and took in gently in her own, lifting it up to her lips and kissing the back of it gently. She lowered it back onto her own abdomen, playing mindlessly with Rachel's fingers, twirling them around in her own. She heard Rachel's soft snores as she very quickly fell asleep, her body finally succumbing to its exhaustion. Santana watched Rachel's features visibly relax, the scar on her forehead lengthening slightly as her brow relaxed.

Santana took one last look at Rachel before closing her own eyes, herself not having slept well last night after the events of the day. She smiled to herself; the warmth of Rachel's body pressed close to hers and thought about how much had changed in the last 24 hours. _Everything has changed, _she thought, the song once again playing in her head, the song that would now and forever remind her of Rachel. She thought about taking it slow, about what that might mean, but, if it meant they could kiss and they could cuddle like they were now, then Santana was more than happy with slow, in fact, _slow_ would more than likely quickly become one of her most_ favourite_ things.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

Santana woke a few hours later, Rachel's small form still tucked closely into her side, her left arm draped across Santana's lap, her head resting on Santana's abdomen. Santana found that her own arms were wrapped loosely around Rachel's shoulders, her left hand feeling numb after the way it had been positioned whilst they slept, Rachel's shoulder pressing into one of the nerves. Santana lifted her arm off of Rachel, wriggling her fingers slowly, opening and closing her fist in an attempt to restore some sensation to the extremity. She grimaced slightly at the pins and needles which spread throughout her arm, the feeling uncomfortable and peculiar. Santana wondered whether this was how Rachel's left hand felt all the time and glanced down at where it lay across her lap, her splint, as always, in situ.

Santana stayed as she was for a while longer, admiring Rachel's sleeping form in her arms and smiling contentedly to herself. She'd never thought of herself as being lucky before, but, lying with Rachel, the knowledge that she was willing to give them a chance, made Santana feel especially lucky. She honestly couldn't think of a single deed big enough to justify that kind of karma, but, she was grateful for it all the same.

After Rachel had stirred awake, the two of them had sat and watched some cartoons on the TV fixed to the bedroom wall for a while. Rachel who was still tired from both a lack of sleep last night and her seizure a few days ago had drifted in and out of sleep numerous times. Each time, Santana had chuckled to herself at the discovery that she was in fact talking to absolutely no-one, her once captive audience instead unconscious and snoring lightly.

Finally Rachel had woken up properly and together they'd made their way over to Brittany's house for their regular Wednesday night custom of movies and food. It had been nice to get back to some normality after the events of the last few days and the teasing jokes had started almost as soon as Santana had entered Brittany's room. As always, Rachel remained highly oblivious to Santana's plight as the other girls, particularly Brittany and Tina, asked her repetitively why she'd not come back to school, raising their eyebrows suggestively as they did so. For her part, Rachel had responded matter of factly to the girls' questions, missing the subtle insinuations completely and stating that she'd asked Santana to stay with her before revealing that they'd then fallen asleep together on the bed. Santana had blushed profusely at Rachel's words and the teasing only intensified as a result. Eventually, after what had seemed like an eternity, they'd settled down to watch the movie in Brittany's lounge, Tina lying on her front on the floor, Quinn and Brittany sat with their backs against the couch. Rachel and Santana had occupied the couch itself, behaving for the most part as they normally did, nothing much really changing in their personal relationship except an exponential increase in the physical contact that they shared. There was of course the addition of what was soon becoming one of Santana's favourite things to do with Rachel, kissing. Rachel might not have had much experience when it came to kissing, but, Santana would gladly admit that she was definitely the best kissing partner that she'd ever had.

Rachel remained off school again the following day, having to go to the hospital for an appointment with her neurologist to review both her ongoing progress after the accident but also how she was after the seizure she'd had. He'd reviewed her medication and encouraged Rachel to wear a medical alert bracelet in the event that she should have another seizure in the future. Santana hadn't been able to see Rachel at all Thursday evening because of her commitment to softball after school and her dad taking everyone out for dinner to celebrate his new promotion at work in the evening but she'd kept in contact through text, asking her how her appointment had gone and if she was feeling better. Santana had even called Rachel to check in with her before she went to bed after returning home from the restaurant, eagerly anticipating their reunion the next day at school.

Santana stood waiting at Rachel's locker at the start of lunch, eating a granola bar as a way to appease the constant complaints from her stomach until she was able to sit down properly and eat with the others. She was leaning on the lockers with her right elbow, facing down the hall in the direction of Rachel's geography class and stood up when she saw her round the corner and approach where she stood loitering.

Rachel raised her eyebrow slightly in greeting but said nothing, instead turning to her locker and opening it with some difficulty. Santana noted that Rachel still looked tired but was glad to see that it was nowhere near as much as she had done on Wednesday. Her eyes were no longer surrounded by heavy bags and her complexion had returned to its healthier looking natural hue but, her eyes looked dark and moody, her face somewhat sullen.

"What's wrong?" Santana asked her concerned, Rachel's lack of verbal greeting worrying her a little.

Rachel opened her bag and reached in to pull out a couple of textbooks, unburdening them in her locker out of the way.

"Well," Rachel started throwing a container of her painkillers into the locker carelessly. "Firstly, I told my parents about us yesterday."

"You what?" Santana asked panic stricken.

"Don't worry," Rachel told her, a small smile creeping onto her lips for the first time since she'd arrived. "It's fine. At this point I think they're so happy that I'm alive they'd probably let me date a seventy year old man if I wanted to."

Rachel scrunched her nose up at the thought, her words finally registering in her own head.

"Gross," she commented taking out one of her workbooks that she'd need this afternoon, evidently imagining the scenario in her head. "Anyway, they weren't exactly thrilled but they aren't against it so, I guess that's something right?"

Rachel reached into her locker searching around for another container of tablets which she had to take over lunch, and struggling to grasp them in her hands as she continued.

"The only thing is that we have to leave my bedroom door open when you're around without the other girls," Rachel informed her. "I mean, I don't know what they think we could possibly get up to…my hands don't work properly."

Santana almost choked on her granola bar at Rachel's words. "Jesus Rachel," she managed to splutter through a coughing fit.

"What?" Rachel asked innocently, pausing what she was doing for a moment to look at Santana, genuinely not understanding what she'd said.

"Did you even mean to say that?" Santana asked her incredulously.

"Say what?" Rachel replied confused.

"Do you even know what you said?" Santana asked her laughing slightly at the puzzled expression on Rachel's face. "About your hands." She clarified continuing when Rachel remained just as perplexed. "That they don't work properly."

"They don't work properly." Rachel replied seriously.

Santana chuckled at Rachel's obliviousness to what she'd said. Tina had once told Santana that this sometimes happened after her accident and it had occasionally led to some hilarious comments that had left her laughing for hours and Rachel looking completely baffled. Apparently, Rachel her attention poor since her head injury would be thinking about a few things in her head at once and from time to time, as she vocalised these out loud, she'd occasionally just merge two thoughts together. Santana assumed that this is what had just happened with Rachel discussing her parents thoughts about the change in their relationship and struggling to get hold of her medication in her locker at the same time.

"It wasn't so much what you said," Santana told her lightly, "It was more what you insinuated."

"What did I insinuate?" Rachel asked, still watching Santana, her medication momentarily forgotten.

"You know what, never mind" Santana laughed.

Rachel shrugged in response and went back to searching for her medication.

"So if it's not your parents that are the problem," Santana started. "Then what is?"

Rachel finally found the container she was looking for and threw it into her bag before pulling out a scrunched up piece of paper and handing it to Santana.

"Is this your math quiz from last week?" Santana asked her, glancing over the page in her hands and noticing the large 'F' written in the corner with red marker pen.

"Yes," Rachel told her doing her bag up and placing it on the floor as she turned to look at Santana who stood watching her. "I failed it." She finished frustrated.

Santana examined the page in her hands closely and frowns.

"Rachel half the questions aren't even answered." Santana stated pointedly. "What happened? You know this stuff; we studied for the test together last week. You _helped_ me."

"I know," Rachel groaned clearly annoyed at herself, closing her locker firmly. "I took AP calculus last year. This isn't even any new material. I've studied a lot of it before."

"So what happened?" Santana asked again. "Did you have a headache?"

"No," Rachel told her honestly, "I just couldn't concentrate properly."

"Well, surely the person that scribed for you could tell Mr Schuester that." Santana offered, "perhaps he'll let you do a make-up test after school in one of your sessions with Miss Holiday?"

"Maybe," Rachel noted as she leant her left shoulder against her locker to face Santana properly. "I just hate using my disability as an excuse though."

"It's not an excuse if it's true Rachel." Santana told her earnestly.

"Yeah but still…" Rachel started, "If I keep using it as an excuse, what is there to make me actually do any work? I could just ride out the rest of high school, using my disability as an excuse for everything, never completing assignments or finishing projects."

"That isn't you and you know it." Santana responded. "The teachers here know that too. Rachel, everyone can see how hard you work. If there's a chance that he'll let you resit the test then surely the least you can do is ask?"

"Fine," Rachel said, "I'll ask alright?"

"So is that it then?" Santana asked her. "That's why you look so miserable to be here."

"No it's not just that," Rachel told Santana, her arms crossed in front of her.

"What else is it then?" Santana asked her interestedly.

"It's just, I hate everyone looking at me all the time," Rachel admitted. "People have been doing it all day, it's like I'm a leper or something."

Santana smiled at Rachel sadly, placing a comfortingly hand on top of her shoulder.

"Just ignore them," Santana offered encouragingly.

"Easier said than done," Rachel commented. "Are they like this with you as well?"

Santana thought about her question for a moment before answering, "No."

"So it's the seizure then," Rachel thought out loud obviously thinking it had been about the kiss they'd shared in the quad yesterday. "You know it wasn't like this when I first came back to school after the accident." She went on.

"Yeah but it's different when people can see it Rachie," Santana expressed, the nickname rolling off her tongue without a second thought. Rachel smiled at the sound of it as Santana continued. "It's one thing to hear about your accident but, they weren't there, so they don't really understand what happened but, they saw you have a seizure, maybe not the whole thing but, Miss Holiday was really worried about you," she paused momentarily to allow her words to sink in. "It probably just freaked them out that's all. Miss Holiday is normally so calm and composed it probably just scared everyone. They'll get over it in a few days and move onto something else."

"I hope so," Rachel replied. "I hate being the centre of attention."

Rachel bent to pick up her bag but struggled to hold it properly, her left arm still sore from the other day.

"Here let me take that for you," Santana offered holding out her hand readily.

"You don't have to," Rachel said still struggling to lift her bag off the floor.

"I know I don't have to," Santana told her bending down to retrieve the bag herself, "but I want to alright? Besides, isn't this what people do for the people they're taking it _slow_ with? You know, act all chivalrous and gallant."

Rachel smiled at Santana's words as she placed Rachel's bag over her shoulder.

"I suppose," Rachel said standing up straight, her shoulder coming away from the locker she'd been leaning on.

Santana smiled back at Rachel just as someone collided with the back of her as they ran past carelessly, sending her flying into the smaller girls side and Rachel into the locker forcefully.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" Santana shouted after him as she regained her balance and stood up straight again, "Asshole!" She added for good measure before turning around to face Rachel who was clutching her left wrist, a grimace on her face.

"Shit," she mumbled between gritted teeth.

"Are you alright?" Santana asked concerned dropping the bags on the floor at her feet and stepping closer to Rachel.

"Yeah," Rachel told her grimacing once more, "I'm sure it's just from the bruising."

"Here, let me look," Santana requested.

Rachel lifted her left arm up for Santana to inspect and she takes it gently in her own, removing the splint carefully. Santana notes the dark purple bruising now flecked with traces of green across the back of Rachel's wrist, extending into her forearm.

"Can you move it?" Santana asked her meeting her gaze.

Rachel winced as she moved her wrist back and forth slightly. She paused a moment before wiggling her fingers, testing their flexibility.

"Perhaps you should get it checked out." Santana suggested.

"No," Rachel replied quickly. "It'll be fine."

"Why not?" Santana asked, "There's no harm in getting it checked out."

"It's probably just a sprain." Rachel told her.

"You hate medical professionals that much?" Santana asked lightly.

"I've had my fair share of them over the last few months," Rachel responds only half joking. "They're nice and everything, but, yeah, I've had enough of them."

"Here," Santana said lifting Rachel's wrist to her lips and kissing it lightly.

Rachel smiled at the gesture. "What are you doing?" Rachel asked her laughing in amusement.

"Trying to make it feel better." Santana informed her. "Did that help?"

Rachel pondered the question for a minute before saying, "I'm not sure. Maybe you should try it again?"

Santana smiled before kissing Rachel's wrist once more.

"Oh yeah," Rachel started playfully, "it does kind of make it feel better you know."

"What about now?" Santana asked before kissing Rachel firmly on the lips.

"Mmhmm," Rachel responded her mouth still securely pressed against Santana's. "Yeah, that's better," she finished as they separated.

"Ugh," Tina groaned as she approached the pair of them. They turned in her direction amused at their friend's response. "You two have literally been 'kind of' an unofficial thing," she said making air quotations with her fingers, "for what…a day? And you're already making me want to vomit rainbows because you're so sickeningly adorable. Am I going to have to place a daily limit on your PDA?"

"Only if you manage to limit Brittany and Artie's," Santana told her seriously. "I swear I'm losing weight because I can't eat whilst having to endure their PDA at lunch."

"I'll see what I can do," Tina promised laughing.

"That's all I ask," Santana said before turning to Rachel, "Here." She said, taking Rachel's hand once more and putting the splint back on cautiously, her fingers gracing Rachel's skin lightly. "Good as new."

"Great," Rachel laughed again. "Now if you could fix my brain that'd really help me out."

"Oh stop it," Santana scolded her, picking up both hers and Rachel's bags to place them over her shoulder as they started to make their way towards the quad. "Your brain is fine."

Rachel gave Santana a pointed look.

"I didn't say it was amazing," Santana laughed, "but, I've seen worse."

"You know you're surprisingly coherent when you're not tired…or you know, post seizure," Tina noted encouragingly. "It's amazing what some sleep will do for you."

"Perhaps you should listen to your doctor and actually take your sleeping pills," Santana suggested.

"What all of them?" Rachel asked deadpan.

"Are you joking?" Tina asked uncertainly.

"Of course I'm joking." Rachel said in response.

"Ok, well for future reference I'm prohibiting the use of any suicide jokes from you," Tina told her seriously.

"Agreed," Santana approved.

"Well then I'm vetoing any pranks from you," Rachel replied.

"Ok done," Tina agreed. "You're no fun to prank now that you're all injured anyway. It makes it too easy. I need more of a challenge…I was thinking of moving on to Brittany."

Rachel yawned.

"Are you seriously tired?" Santana asked her. "You've been sleeping for the majority of the last three days."

"Yes," Rachel answered. "I think the more sleep I actually get, the more my body wants."

"It's probably catching up on all the sleep you've been missing out on since the accident." Santana said.

"Or is Santana keeping you up?" Tina asked teasingly a small chuckle escaping her lips.

"Tina!" Santana protested.

"I'm sorry but it's so easy to tease you," Tina laughed. "It's hilarious."

"Why does no one tease Rachel like this?" Santana asked her seriously.

"Like what?" Rachel asked her attention having been occupied with other things momentarily.

"That's why," Tina said flatly.

"Fine, fair point." Santana groaned before turning to Rachel. "I wish I could do that Rachie."

"Do what?" Rachel asked.

"Never mind." Santana said meeting Tina's eyes and laughing.

They finally reached the other's sat outside at their normal table and joined them, Rachel sitting beside Santana and Tina taking the vacant seat beside Quinn. Brittany sat with Artie, his arm draped casually around her shoulder.

"Hi," they greeted each other in one big ruckus of noise.

"How are you feeling Rachel?" Brittany asked having not seen her before now because they had different home rooms.

"Better thanks," Rachel answered.

"She's still tired though," Santana added.

"And…" Tina began animatedly. "She's sickeningly displaying a lot of PDA for someone who is supposedly going 'slow'"

"Even the other night you guys couldn't stop touching each other," Quinn noted laughing. "It almost got to the point where I couldn't tell whose limb was whose."

"I think it's kind of cute," Brittany approved. "I've never seen Santana like this with any of her other girlfriends."

Santana gave Brittany a glare to silence her but she continued regardless, determined to embarrass her.

"She literally can't do enough for you she's so smitten," Brittany told Rachel who reached for Santana's hand under the table calmingly.

Sensing Santana's discomfort Artie quickly changed the subject.

"So is everyone coming to the game tonight?" he asked.

"Don't we always?" Tina replied seeing right through him.

"Is Mike coming?" He responded in an attempt to keep the conversation going.

"Yeah he'll be here," Tina informed him. "Mike wouldn't miss it for anything. You know how much he likes football."

"We should all go and grab some dinner after the game." Artie suggested. "What do you think Quinn? Will that be alright with Puck?"

"I'll check with him but I'm sure it'll be fine." She said in response.

"Girls?" Artie asked Rachel and Santana.

Santana looked at Rachel questioningly, raising an eyebrow uncertainly.

"Ok," Rachel said finally. "Sounds like fun."

"I guess you can count us in," Santana said happily.

"Aww…" Brittany cooed. "This will be the first time Santana's not the fifth wheel on our Friday night dates."

"Exciting times," Artie noted jokingly.

"Do they have greeting cards for this kind of occasion?" Quinn asked playfully.

"Oh my god," Santana protested, "Guys, seriously?"

"Aww this will be your first official date," Tina commented in realisation.

"It'll be my first ever date," Rachel commented matter of factly, only half listening to the conversation, once again distracted and not realising Santana was being mocked. Santana smiled at Rachel's use of the word 'date.' For someone who wanted to take things slowly, she doesn't seem to mind participating in couple activities such as dates.

"What, ever?" Artie asked in disbelief.

Rachel nodded her head as she swallowed some of her medication. She followed it with a sip of water from the bottle in her hand. Santana observed that she had lifted her left hand up to her stomach, holding it awkwardly.

Santana met her gaze, "Seriously?!"

Rachel nodded again, swallowing another sip of her drink.

"Yeah," Rachel said, once her mouth was finally empty of the liquid.

"Wow, no pressure to make it good then Santana," Brittany said playfully.

Santana felt her stomach lurch slightly at Brittany's words.

"No, you'll be fine Santana," Tina told her, "I mean it's not like Rachel has anything to compare it to. Isn't that right Rachel?"

"What?" Rachel asked, having not heard the conversation, her thoughts elsewhere.

"Ok, where'd you go?" Tina asked noticing that Rachel had been staring off into space. "Where's your head at? Tina questioned. "Sometimes I swear you're only half here."

"What?" Rachel asked a look of confusion on her face. "Nowhere, I've been here the whole time."

"I didn't mean literally?" Tina laughed. "What were we just talking about then?"

"Umm, tonight?" Rachel replied unsure.

"Yeah, ok, but, what specifically?" Tina probed.

Rachel glanced around at the rest of the assembled group, their faces waiting for her response expectantly.

"Dates?" She questioned raising her eyebrow uncertainly.

"Ok Santana," Tina commented exasperated. "I have no idea how you put up with her when she's like this?"

"Was that wrong?" Rachel asked turning to Santana.

Santana smiled at Rachel's obvious confusion.

"No," Santana told her, placing an arm around her shoulder reassuringly.

"Ok now I feel like I've missed something." Rachel said slightly embarrassed.

Santana made a face, "You miss a lot of things Rachel," she informed the smaller girl. "It's alright though, I kind of like that about you."

Santana kissed Rachel on her cheek as she pouted.

"Ok no seriously though," Rachel said. "What did I miss?"

"We were talking about your expectations for your first date tonight with Santana." Brittany told her laughing. "You know, whether you even have any?"

"Oh," Rachel said in surprise. "I don't know. What do people even do on dates?"

"Aww…you're so cute," Quinn noted smiling at Rachel's words.

Santana laughed a little at Rachel's innocence. "Don't worry about it. It'll be just like every other Friday night…although now I guess I can do this…"

Santana leant over and kissed Rachel on the lips, enjoying the feel of her warm, soft skin against her own.

"Eww…." Tina joked, "I thought I'd forbid this." Tina laughed as Santana and Rachel separated.

"You know the terms Tina." Santana laughed in response and Tina turned to Brittany and Artie with a serious expression on her face.

"Ok so, listen," Tina said addressing them. "We need to talk about something?"

Santana couldn't help but laugh as Tina went on to explain the terms of her deal with Santana and Rachel. For their response, Brittany and Artie decided to completely ignore Tina's words and kissed instead, making the other girl roll her eyes and Santana laugh once more.

They continued to sit together until the end of lunch when they finally separated to attend their different classes.

Despite her own words to Rachel, Santana couldn't help but feel nervous about this evening throughout the rest of the school day. After all, tonight was technically still their first date night and she wanted it to be perfect for Rachel, even if they were taking things slowly.

After school Santana waited for Rachel at her locker once again. She had her extra study period with Miss Holiday, as she did every day and Santana wanted to finalise her plans for later with her before tonight.

"So tonight?" Santana questioned, leaning up against the locker beside Rachel's as she was prone to do when the other girl arrived. "It's a date right?"

"How do you mean?" Rachel asked her ambiguously.

"Like, well, I know you wanted to take things slowly," Santana said. "I didn't know if we could go on dates or….what?"

"Yeah," Rachel laughed putting her books in her locker and closing it. "Of course we can. I mean, there's slow and then there's _slow_."Rachel told her. "I like you," she tried to reassure her. "Didn't you read my letter? That thing took me forever to write."

Santana smiled brightly at her words.

"So it is a date?" she asked once again, desperate for the clarification.

"I thought we'd already agreed it was at lunch?" Rachel said. "Or did I miss that part of the conversation? I can't really remember."

"I know but, I didn't know if you just went along with it because the others were there," Santana said honestly.

"Well I didn't," Rachel said shifting the weight of her bag on her right shoulder.

"Right, well, in that case, I want it to be a proper date." Santana said happily.

"What does that mean?" Rachel asked having no experience in the matter.

"I'm going to come to your house and pick you up at 6.30. I'll drive us to the game." Santana told her.

Rachel smiled. "I never would have guessed you as the romantic type, "Rachel said.

"Perhaps it's just you that brings it out in me." Santana returned.

"Ok," Rachel replied. "Well, I'll be waiting then. Just…look, don't take this the wrong way but, no kissing on the front porch or anything alright? Rachel said anxiously.

"I thought you said your parents are ok with us?" Santana asked.

"Well, they kind of are but, I don't want to rub it in their faces or anything. Do you mind?" Rachel questioned.

Santana shakes her head, "No not at all. I can understand that."

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked.

"Of course," Santana said. "I felt the same when I first told my parents I was interested in girls. It's one thing for them to hear that you like girls but it's a completely different thing to see it."

"So you're not mad?" Rachel probed.

"No," Santana said, taking Rachel's hand in her own and squeezing it reassuringly. "I'm definitely not mad."

"Ok," Rachel sighed relieved as they start to walk hand in hand together towards Miss Holiday's classroom. "So apart from picking me up how else will it be a proper date?"

"Ahh, you'll just have to wait and see," Santana replied cryptically.

"You're really not going to tell me?" Rachel groaned.

"Nope," Santana said frustratingly. "Where's the fun in that?"

They came to a stop outside of Miss Holiday's classroom and Rachel pouted.

"Ok so I'll see you later," Santana told her, trying her best to ignore the adorable expression on her face and pecking her on the lips quickly.

"6pm," Rachel says, "I'll be ready."

"6.30pm," Santana corrected her.

Rachel holds up her hand, "6.30…right. I knew that."

"I'll text you to remind you." Santana informed her.

"Alright," Rachel said as Santana started to move away.

"Don't forget to ask about retaking that math test," Santana called from up the hallway.

Rachel gave her a thumbs up in acknowledgement and disappeared inside the classroom for her study session.

Later, Santana found herself outside Rachel's house, sat in her car, on the verge of becoming a nervous wreck. She didn't know what was wrong with her, it's not she'd never been to a football game before. In fact, it's not as though she'd never been to a football game with Rachel before. They'd gone to watch Artie play last Friday with the rest of the girls, Mike and Puck. So why should tonight be any different?

_Because tonight's a date. _Santana thought giving herself heart palpitations. _Shit._

She ran a hand through her hair nervously and got out of the car, checking herself quickly in the wind mirror before making her way up the path towards Rachel's front door. She paused hesitantly for a moment and took a deep breath before knocking determinedly on the door.

Rachel's dad opened it and Santana felt herself panic, memories of hers and Rachel's conversation regarding their 'relationship' flitting through her mind.

"Hi Santana," Hiram greeted kindly. "Rachel is just sorting something out upstairs. Do you want to come in and wait?"

"Umm…." Santana said feeling decidedly uncomfortable and avoiding Hiram's questioning look. "Yeah…ok thanks."

Hiram laughed at Santana's behaviour and moved aside, allowing her to enter.

"You know you don't normally have this much trouble meeting my gaze or speaking to me." Hiram stated honestly. "You sound like Rachel does on a bad day."

"I'm sorry," Santana said sincerely.

"Santana," Hiram said causing Santana to look up at her. "Rachel told us about the two of you…"

"I know, she told me" Santana replied. "Is it weird? It's probably weird isn't it? I'm sorry…I don't know…it was weird for my parents when I told them."

"Actually, it's not really that much of a surprise," Hiram told her truthfully.

"It isn't?" Santana asked.

"No," Hiram said pausing momentarily. "I think I've always kind of known how you felt about her," Hiram laughed. "You're not exactly the most subtle at hiding your feelings. I think you tend to wear your heart on your sleeve a little bit."

"So I've been told," Santana commented.

"However," Hiram continued. "It was her behaviour that kind of gave her away a little bit," Hiram said thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?" Santana asked her.

"Well, Rachel only really has Tina as a friend," Hiram informed her. "She's never really been that outgoing or popular at school, so it was nice when she started hanging out with Brittany, Quinn and you. She talked about you a lot." Hiram told her. "I mean she talks about Quinn and Brittany too but, mostly she talks about you. She couldn't sing your praises enough. It was always 'Santana this, and Santana that.' It's different to how she talks about the other girls."

"Oh," was all Santana said in response, surprised.

"We've been watching her over the last few weeks and she's so happy and animated when she's talking about you. It's almost been like we've had the old Rachel back at times." Hiram said a wistful look on her face. "If it's a girl that can make her feel like that, that can bring her back to us then me and her father are ok with that. At the end of the day every parent just wants their child to be happy, and you make Rachel happy." Hiram told her. "Yes, it might not have been what we'd initially envisaged for her, because we don't want to go through what we did, but, it's her life, one she thankfully still has so…she is free to do with it as she wants. We'll support any decision she makes."

"Ok," Santana said, taken aback by his words slightly.

"Plus it helps that we like you Santana," Hiram complemented, patting the youngsters shoulder encouraging. "So just, try and relax alright?"

"Alright," Santana said as she heard footsteps coming down the stairs and Rachel appeared wearing her tight blue denim jeans, converse and sweater.

"Hi," she greeted smiling at Santana and her dad.

"Hi," Santana said back returning the smile.

"Have a good time at the game," Hiram said genuinely as he walked over to Rachel who stood on the bottom stair, her right hand holding onto the bannister. Hiram kissed her on the forehead. "Don't be out too late ok?"

"We won't." Rachel promised as her dad rubbed her cheek with his thumb and disappeared promptly into the kitchen.

Rachel came down the last step as Santana walked over to meet her.

"Are you ready to go?" Santana asked her.

"Yeah," she said grabbing her jacket and scarf from the rack.

Rachel struggled to get her left arm into the sleeve so Santana helped her into it.

"Thanks," Rachel said gratefully

"You're welcome," Santana replied. She reached out and offered Rachel her hand. Rachel took it, lacing their fingers together as Santana opened the door and they stepped outside, Rachel closing it behind her.

"You look really nice," Santana told her as they made their way down the path, glancing out Rachel's outfit and appreciating the way Rachel's jeans hugged her in all the right places.

"So do you," Rachel reciprocated smiling.

"Thanks," Santana said graciously. "Your dad says that you were sorting something out," Santana said. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," Rachel replied. "I just managed to break my splint." Rachel held up her left hand which was noticeably bare. "I was just trying to fix it."

"No luck?" Santana asked.

"None," Rachel said "I'll have to ask my physical therapist to have a look at it on Tuesday for me. It feels strange not wearing it."

"I bet," Santana said as they reached her car and she opened the door for Rachel, gesturing for her to get in.

Rachel sat herself in the passenger seat as Santana closed the door carefully behind her. She walked around to the driver's side of the car and climbed in beside Rachel, putting her key in the ignition and turning it gently.

"Wait a minute," Rachel said suddenly, placing a hand on hers to stop her putting the car into drive.

"What?" Santana asked. "Did you forget something?"

"Yes," Rachel said mischievously. "This," she said as she leant over the middle console and kissed Santana firmly on the lips.

"What about your parents?" Santana asked her voice breathy. "I thought you said not to."

"They're not around now," Rachel informed.

Santana pointed to the kitchen window of Rachel's house where Hiram stood watching them an amused expression on his face.

"Um…Rachie," Santana said and Rachel smiled at the nickname again, following Santana's hand to see what she was pointing towards.

"Well, it's not flaunting it if he chooses to watch is it?" Rachel told Santana simply.

Rachel waved goodbye at her dad happily as Santana put the car into gear. She pulled out from the curb and started heading towards the school to meet up with the others. Once on the road, Santana felt Rachel reach over and place her hand on her knee Santana took it up in her right hand which she dropped down from the steering wheel. She started playing with Rachel's fingers mindlessly, turning her head slightly to glance at the girl who was sat watching her, a face eating smile plastered across her features.

"What?" Santana asked her amused.

"Nothing," Rachel said as Santana glanced back at the road in front of her. "I just think that this is my favourite date so far."

Santana turned and smiled at Rachel brightly, her stomach fluttering slightly at her words.

"Yeah well," Santana said looking back to the road. "You don't have anything else to compare it to."

"I don't think it would make a difference if I did." Rachel told her sincerely.

"It's only just started." Santana told her laughing.

"I know," Rachel replied shifting in her seat a little. "That's exactly what I like about it."

Santana turned her attention back to Rachel, her smile growing exponentially. '_Yeah_,' she thought, still unsure what exactly she'd done in a past life to deserve the girl sat beside her. She turned her attention back to the road. "_I am most definitely lucky."_


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**I know I'm late, and I'm really sorry. But I was on vacation and I just wanted to rest for a bit.**

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

Santana carefully pulled into a vacant parking space in the lot and turned her key in the ignition, shutting off the car engine. She turned to Rachel who was gazing out of the passenger window in the direction of the football field a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Hey," Santana said, observing Rachel's faraway expression and noting the silence that had fallen between them. She placed a hand on Rachel's arm and she turned her attention back to Santana, a smile gracing her lips reflexively.

"Are you alright?" Santana asked her concerned. "If you're not feeling up to this I can take you home?"

"No," Rachel replied quickly. "I don't want to go home."

"So you're alright?" Santana asked her. "It's just you look kind of tense… Are you finding this weird? This doesn't have to be a date if it's too soon, we can…"

"No," Rachel interrupted her, placing a reassuring hand on Santana's knee. "I want it to be a date."

"Ok," Santana said with evident relief in her voice. "So…then what is it?"

"I just, I don't know how good my company will be tonight, you know, as a date," Rachel told her, struggling to express her thoughts clearly.

"What do you mean?" Santana asked confused.

"Well," Rachel started, dropping her eyes to her lap where she was once again playing with her fingers nervously. "I mean…it takes a lot for me to concentrate on the game so…you know…I sometimes lose the conversation that's going on…I don't want…you'll …I don't mean to…it's just…"

"Rach," Santana said, putting her hand under Rachel's chin and turning her head to meet her gaze. "Don't worry about it alright? Just…relax a little bit."

"I'm really trying," Rachel said simply and Santana smiled sadly at her.

"I know you are," Santana responded sincerely. "You don't have to try and be someone else with me though Rachel, you know that right?" she asked.

"Yeah, but…" Rachel started.

"No," Santana cut her off. "I know who you are," Santana told her seriously. "I understand that sometimes things are difficult for you and that you get lost or distracted. Those things don't bother me, ok? They're part of the reason that I started to like you in the first place."

"It might be frustrating for you though," Rachel said. "You might get fed up of me asking you questions all the time…"

"If you ask me questions then I'll answer them," Santana informed her interjecting.

"You'll probably have to keep repeating yourself," Rachel continued still worried.

"Great! I love the sound of my own voice," Santana joked.

"I'm serious," Rachel protested.

"So am I," Santana told her a smile creeping onto her lips. "I'll repeat things a hundred times if that's what you need."

"What if I'm trying to concentrate on the game and I don't talk to you?" Rachel asked her worriedly. "You know, because I can't, or I forget, or…"

"Then we don't talk," Santana replied simply. "We've sat in comfortable silence numerous times before Rachel, and I'm sure we'll do it a whole lot more in the future."

"I know but this is a date," Rachel said. "Aren't you supposed to talk on dates? You know, get to know each other better."

"That's the great thing about dating someone you're already friends with," Santana answered. "You already know them. It takes the pressure off a little bit."

"I just don't want you to be bored or to think that I don't want to be here with you or something…" Rachel started, "because I do, I…"

"Rachel," Santana interrupted earnestly. "We could have stayed at your house, sat in complete silence and watched a movie from separate seats tonight and this would _still_ be one of the best dates I've ever been on."

"You're just saying that," Rachel replied doubtfully.

"I'm not," Santana assured her sincerely. "I know that you don't believe it but, it's the truth. Time wasted, sitting in silence with you, isn't time wasted to me. In fact, I think it's time well spent."

Rachel smiled slightly at Santana's words.

"I like being with you," Santana continued when Rachel didn't say anything. "I read what you'd written in your letter to me and I understand completely, alright? There's no rush for me. I'm happy taking things slowly. I promise."

"For now," Rachel told her, "but, what about later on? There'll come a point where you want more and what if I'm still not ready?"

"Then I'll wait," Santana said honestly.

"What if I'm never ready?" Rachel asked watching Santana's face closely for her reaction. "What if I can never give you everything that you want?"

"Then, I'll wait some more" Santana began thoughtfully, "and if you decide that you just want to be friends, then, we can be ok? I'd rather have you in my life as a friend then not at all."

Rachel played with her fingers in her lap obviously still in thought.

"Ok?" Santana prompted her and Rachel looked at her once more, nodding her head in agreement.

"Ok," she said in reply.

"Let's just see where this goes?" Santana told her, reaching for her right hand and squeezing it comfortingly. "We'll take it one day at a time, nice and easy."

"Alright," Rachel said nodding her head in agreement. "I'm sorry, that was kind of a lot wasn't it?"

"It's fine," Santana replied laughing a little. "I've actually always kind of liked the whole dark and brooding thing."

"Really?" Rachel asked slightly surprised, her mood brightening a little.

"Oh yeah," Santana said playfull, unbuckling her seat belt and pulling her keys out of the ignition. "I don't know why, I'm just kind of drawn to it."

Rachel smiled as Santana got out of the car and she followed her example, closing the passenger door firmly behind her.

Santana came up beside her, locking the car with the key fob and wrapping an arm around Rachel's shoulders as she led her towards the football field.

"Now," Santana said changing the subject in an attempt to help lighten Rachel's mood slightly. "I don't know about you but I'm going to need something to eat whilst we watch the game."

"Aren't we eating later with the others?" Rachel asked laughing.

"Yeah," Santana said as she spotted the rest of their group assembled at the entrance to the field awaiting their arrival, "but that's not going to be for a while yet. I'm thinking a pretzel each, an assortment of candy bars and a couple of drinks should just about cover it…that is, unless you're not hungry."

Rachel laughed at Santana's suggestion. "I'm always hungry," she told her truthfully.

"That's what I thought," Santana said, pulling Rachel into her side a bit more and smiling widely as they came to a stop in front of the others.

"You two took your time," Brittany said feigning annoyance, but smiling despite herself.

"Sorry," Santana said, "we got distracted."

"I bet you did," Tina said teasingly, winking at Santana and causing her to blush.

"We were talking," Rachel told them simply.

"Just talking?" Brittany asked, raising her eyebrow suggestively at Santana.

"Oh that's right, I forgot," Rachel said finally noting one of the many subtle suggestions that Santana was constantly subjected to. She feigned a sudden recollection and clicked the fingers of her right hand dramatically. "The sex kind of put us behind as well."

Brittany's face dropped in astonishment at Rachel's words and the rest of the group looked at her in disbelief. Santana felt her face grow red hot at the thought of the two of them together, but at the same time it registered a look of complete surprise at Rachel's unexpected comment.

"Wow," Tina laughed. "You finally picked up on our insinuations?"

Rachel winked at Tina, grinning widely before reaching her right hand up to take hold of Santana's which was still draped over her shoulder. She pulled Santana away from the group, leading her toward the concessions stand, the others following closely behind her.

"No but seriously," Tina said trying to catch up with Rachel, "How did you do that? I can't remember the last time that you did. You take things so literally most of the time."

Santana placed a hand on the small of Rachel's back as they got in line and the latter turned to look at Tina.

"Well maybe I'm learning." Rachel told her grinning at the still stunned expressions on her friends faces.

"It's probably because we do it so much," Tina said to Quinn and Brittany theatrically. "She's starting to subconsciously pick up on them. We'll need to be more careful from now on."

Rachel frowned in Tina's direction.

"You guys say stuff like this a lot?" Rachel asked them.

"All. The. Time." Tina told her. "You've never once noticed. Not once."

Rachel raised her eyebrow in surprise, "huh." She said simply in response as she moved to the front of the line.

They all got some concessions for the game, Santana adamantly refusing Rachel's offer to pay for some of the food.

"It's a date remember?" Santana told her pointedly. "So, I'm paying. No arguments."

Rachel thanked her as they made their way up into the bleachers and found space for them all to sit together. Once seated, Santana handed Rachel her pretzel and their group continued to make amusing small talk until the game started.

Rachel watched the game before her with difficulty, all her effort put into watching each play, seemingly deep in concentration. She'd never really watched football before. In fact, she'd struggled to understand the rules even before the accident, despite her dad having attempted to teach them to her on several occasions. It was only once she'd become friends with Brittany and the others that she'd even started to attend the high school's Friday night games and she enjoyed them, she did, but, she just wished that they were a little bit easier for her to follow. Santana on the other hand, had grown up around football, her dad a lifetime Miami Dolphins fan and her younger brother Chris had played it since he was physically able to hold a ball. Whenever the Dolphins played, her family would sit together around the TV and watch the game. Santana remembered the times that she'd sat perched on her dad's knee as a child with fondness, the two of them watching the game together, thick as thieves, her dad patiently explaining the rules to her, pointing out his favourite players and the reasons why he liked them. Usually, Santana enjoyed watching Artie and the school team play, having an appreciation for the game that her dad had instilled in her from an early age. However, for the first time in a long time, Santana wasn't interested in the battle occurring on the field before her, instead, she stared unapologetically at Rachel, taking in her features, every single detail of her face.

Santana was captivated by everything about Rachel whilst she's sat there, the other girls' eyes roaming the field in search of the ball which the quarterback had faked off to another player. She was captivated by Rachel's cute button nose and the way she scrunched it up as she watched a player succumbing to a hard tackle, by the way she bit her bottom lip when the opponent stole the ball, by the way she smiled and stood up, cheering loudly when the school team scored. Santana thought that everything about Rachel was captivating, but, more than anything else the _effort_ she put into doing something that everyone else found _so easy_ was captivating. For Rachel, paying attention to something for more than ten minutes was normally a challenge, so to be able to do it for two hours was extraordinary in Santana's mind. Rachel wouldn't always succeed in her effort but she'd always try, she'd try really hard because Artie played and he was her friend. She'd try because Santana and the rest of her friends enjoyed watching the game, because she'd made it a personal challenge to learn the rules and surprise her dad the next time he watched a game. Rachel would always try and Santana admired that about her.

Rachel turned to look at Santana as though sensing that she was being watched. She smiled as their eyes met, reaching over and taking Santana's now empty hand in her own.

"Good game, huh?" Rachel asked her enthusiastically.

"I wouldn't know," Santana answered truthfully.

Rachel gave her a questioning look.

"You're not watching?" Rachel asked her surprised.

"No," Santana said making a face. "My view it much better."

"What are you looking at?" Rachel replied.

"You," Santana told her simply.

For the second time tonight, Rachel didn't miss the subtle implication in the words, mostly because Santana made no effort to try and hid it, instead just saying what she thought outright. It's the first time that Santana has ever seen Rachel blush; her face burned bright red, her gaze dropped shyly to the floor as she bit her bottom lip in the way that Santana yearned to do. Santana didn't think it was possible for Rachel to be any cuter than she already was but, clearly she was mistaken, because the timid Rachel that now sat beside her was possibly the most adorable version of the girl she'd ever seen.

Santana placed a hand on Rachel's knee and the she looked up to meet Santana eyes, bashful.

"You're beautiful you know," Santana told her because it was true and now that she could finally verbalise her thoughts out loud she'd made a vow to tell Rachel it every day until she finally believed the words herself.

"You're just saying that," Rachel said coyly.

"No I'm not," Santana told her, reaching her hand up to brush a strand of windswept hair out of Rachel's eyes. She tucked it behind Rachel's ear, her hand lingering there for a moment until Santana reached it back up to trace a gentle line across the scar on Rachel's forehead.

She stayed there a moment, admiring the way that Rachel's skin felt beneath her fingertips before gently moving them down the side of her face to run lightly across her chin. Without breaking contact, Santana moved her hand up towards Rachel's mouth and brushed her thumb lightly across the other girls' lips which formed into a wide grin beneath them. "I don't understand how you can't see it," Santana stated seriously.

"You know why I can't" Rachel said, reaching up and taking hold of Santana's straying hand in her own once again.

"They're just scars," Santana told her, removing her hand from Rachel's for a moment to roll up the sleeve of her right arm and show her a scar just above her elbow. "Here, see," Santana said taking Rachel's hand in her own and placing it on top of the thick scar she'd just unveiled. "We all have them."

Rachel traced the thick and taut imperfection with her own fingers studying it closely.

"Some just have better stories," Santana continued smiling as Rachel looked up to meet her eyes.

"So," Rachel started keenly. "What's your story?"

"Well," Santana started rolling down her sleeve and taking Rachel's hand back into her own eagerly, her skin feeling cold at the loss of contact. "I got that little beauty when I played peewee softball."

"How?" Rachel asked with interest.

"I was sliding into third base and landed on a piece of metal that was concealed in the dirt surrounding it." Santana told her. "It wouldn't stop bleeding and I ended up having to have ten stitches."

"Do you have any more?" Rachel asked her.

"Hmm…" Santana said thinking. "Oh yeah," she lifted her chin slightly to show Rachel a well concealed scar just underneath her chin. "I got this one pretending to be a gymnast at the park." Santana told her laughing lightly. "I thought I was amazing…"

"Of course you did," Rachel laughed.

"I wasn't as it turned out," Santana chuckled. "Fell straight off the monkey bars and cracked my chin open on the floor. I almost gave myself concussion."

Santana noticed Rachel shiver slightly and reflexively wrapped her left arm around her shoulder, pulling Rachel into her side. She rubbed Rachel's arm with her hand, her head resting on Santana's shoulder, as she tried to warm her up a little bit. Rachel kissed the back of Santana's right hand, which she held in her own right hand lightly gratefully.

"I think I like your stories better than mine," Rachel told her, turning her face up to look at Santana who was watching her closely.

"Yeah, well, to be honest Rachel, yours isn't exactly Harry Potter, you know? I mean it's alright, but, I'd probably never make a movie about it." Santana joked and Rachel laughed lightly in response. "Besides, everyone enjoys other people's stories better than their own." Santana told her.

"They're a nice distraction." Rachel informed her.

"From what?" Santana asked her.

"From everything," Rachel told her. "Before the accident I used to read all the time you know. I used to really love reading, getting lost in a book, falling in love with the characters, seeing life through their eyes…"

"And now?" Santana asked.

"Now," Rachel started, "I still enjoy it but, it's just harder work that's all."

"You know," Santana said, "I saw a quote somewhere once that said, 'A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies."

"I like that quote," Rachel told her smiling appreciatively.

"Me too," Santana said as she turned her attention back to the field, the final quarter finally finishing, their school winning 50 - 39.

"I don't want to go with the others to get something to eat," Rachel shared suddenly.

"Ok," Santana replied assuming Rachel was tired and wanted leave. "I'll take you home if you want?"

"No," Rachel said, "I mean, I don't want to go _with_ them."

"Oh," Santana responded surprised.

"It's too much for me to keep up with the conversation when everyone is together," Rachel explained, "and I like talking to you. I want to talk just with you…is that alright? Can we go somewhere, just the two of us?"

Santana couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face.

"Of course," she said happily. "Whatever you want Rach."

So, whilst the bleachers emptied and Artie went to shower, Santana and Rachel made their excuses to the others. Rachel, not wanting to offend them, assumed the pretence of feeling tired and wanting to return home. They said their goodbyes to one another, Santana telling Brittany to congratulate Artie on the win and to tell him that he'd played well. Once the usual conventions had been followed, Santana guided Rachel down the bleachers and back to her car, climbing into the drivers' seat once she'd seen Rachel into her own the passenger one.

"So," Santana said turning to Rachel once she'd buckled her seat belt and had turned on the engine. "Where are we going?"

"The beach" Rachel said simply.

Santana raised an eyebrow in interest.

"The beach?" Santana asked amused. "That's a little bit cliché for a first date isn't it?"

"Is that ok?" Rachel countered.

"Is there any particular reason you want to go there?" Santana asked her.

"I just…I love the beach," Rachel told her honestly. "I haven't been there since I got out of the hospital. I kind of miss it."

Santana smiled sadly at Rachel.

"Then the beach it is," she said as she put the car in drive, pulled out of her parking space and moments later the parking lot.

About fifteen minutes later, they arrived at the beach and Santana shut off the car, watching as Rachel exited the car hastily in excitement. Santana climbed out quickly after her, locking the door as she followed Rachel onto the sand and towards the shore. Santana laughed to herself as Rachel quickly kicked off her converse and picked them up in her right hand, digging her feet into the cool sand, burying them slightly beneath it.

Santana copied Rachel, taking off her own shoes and walking over to where Rachel stood.

"Come on," Rachel said happily, reaching for Santana's hand and pulling her towards the sea where the waves were crashing against where they met land.

She smiled at Santana brightly as she stepped into the refreshing water and wriggled her toes, enjoying the feel of the wet sand as it covered her feet and shifted beneath her.

Rachel stood for a moment in contentment, listening to the sounds of the waves and inhaling the salty sea air deeply into her lungs. Santana stood beside her, watching Rachel's behaviour reflectively. After a few minutes, Rachel stepped out of the water, moving away from the coastline slightly to sit down on the sand facing out into the ocean. Santana joined her, admiring the joyful look on Rachel's face and how something so simple could so easily put it there.

"I love it here," Rachel told her, her eyes looking up at the dark night sky and examining the bright white stars dotted throughout it.

"I can see that," Santana replied laughing lightly. "Why isn't that you haven't been back since the accident?"

"I don't know," Rachel said honestly. "I guess I haven't really had time."

"You're such a bad liar," Santana told her knowingly.

"Am not," Rachel protested.

"You've been out of hospital for what? Six weeks?" Santana asked her.

"Probably," Rachel answered uncertain of the exact time frame.

"So you're telling me that in six weeks you've not had time to come down here once," Santana questioned probingly.

"I guess," Rachel replied shrugging her shoulders slightly.

"Well, I think you're lying." Santana told her amused.

Rachel played with the sand in front of her with her fingers, contemplating.

"You can tell me about it if you want?" Santana offered supportively.

Rachel met her eyes and shifted her position so she was sitting crossed legged in the sand facing Santana.

"What do you want to know?" Rachel asked her.

"What do you want to tell me?" Santana probed crossing her own legs and resting her head in her hands.

Rachel looked back out to the see as she spoke.

"You know I used to come here all the time as a kid," Rachel told her. "My dads would bring me down here and we'd spend hours making sandcastles and looking for seashells."

Rachel glanced back at Santana as she continued.

"My dad would put me on his shoulders and we'd walk along the coast watching people. We'd eat ice creams and he'd throw me into the waves and play chase, him swimming after me at only half speed so that I could beat him," Rachel told her soberly. "One day, I remember, we were driving past the coast, it was raining really badly and the wind was so strong I thought it was going to rip the trees from their roots. I asked how the boats didn't sink when the waves so bad and he'd turned to me in the car and told me that a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. I never quite understood what he meant by that."

Santana smiled at Rachel's story.

"Until now," Rachel said thoughtfully. "Until the accident happened. Now it seems to make perfect sense to me."

"You learn from life's hardships," Santana told her.

"Right," Rachel said impressed at Santana's understanding.

"It still doesn't explain why you haven't been back down here," Santana informed her.

"I guess it doesn't," Rachel said laughing.

"I think it's because the beach holds a lot of good memories for you," Santana noted perceptively, "and you're not happy Rach," she finished.

"You make me happy," Rachel told her sincerely.

"Maybe," Santana said her stomach swelling at Rachel's words, "but you don't make yourself happy."

Rachel glanced back out at the ocean in quiet thought.

"It's hard to be happy," Rachel said her voice almost inaudible she spoke so quietly. "It's hard to be anything but angry and depressed most of the time."

"You're angry at the driver that hit you?" Santana asked her.

"No," Rachel told her.

"You're angry at yourself?" Santana asked shrewdly.

Rachel met Santana's gaze once again her fingers still playing with the sand in front of her.

"I was walking back from the beach," Rachel said after a moment of silence. "When it happened?"

"I didn't know that," Santana replied in surprise.

"I'd come down here to read," Rachel shared, "My dad had dropped me off and said he'd pick me up later, but, I was tired and hot so I decided to walk back it was such a nice day. It wasn't that far. The same distance from where I live to school."

Rachel paused for a minute and flicked some sand out to her left.

"I had my iPod on and was walking over the crosswalk, the light was green…" Rachel said. "I didn't even see the car coming. I don't remember anything after that," Rachel continued. "Just…bits and pieces, in my dreams sometimes."

"Your nightmares," Santana asked her.

"Yeah," Rachel confirmed looking at Santana. "My nightmares."

"You think that if you'd just stayed at the beach like you were supposed to then it wouldn't have happened." Santana stated in realisation.

"It wouldn't have," Rachel said.

"Rachel you can't blame yourself for what happened." Santana told her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah but I do," Rachel told her. "It was my fault. I should have just stayed."

"It was _their_ fault Rachel!" Santana said firmly. "_Theirs_. Not yours."

Rachel didn't say anything and Santana didn't want to push the topic of blame knowing that Rachel wouldn't change her mind until she was ready to.

"What was the first thing you remember afterwards?" Santana asked her interestedly, changing the subject slightly but trying to get Rachel to open up some more.

"You really want to know?" Rachel asked her.

"If you don't mind sharing it with me…" Santana said.

"Not a lot," Rachel commented. "Just, bursts of unconnected things….like one of those old projectors that keep skipping quickly from one slide to another."

Rachel thought for a moment.

"I remember a light," Rachel told her. "It kept moving across my eyes and it was irritating me but I couldn't move my hands to block it," Rachel explained. "I remember that everything felt heavy and effortful to move, like I was stuck in quick sand and everything hurt… _Everything."_

"Did you remember what had happened?" Santana asked. "When you woke up I mean…could you remember it?"

"No," Rachel replied. "It was a month before my memory started to come back. They said it was post-traumatic amnesia and that it was comment in head injuries. It took a long time for me to be able to remember even the smallest bits of new information."

"Kind of like you after your seizure," Santana said remembering how she'd struggled to retain anything.

"I suppose." Rachel said, not knowing how she'd behaved.

Rachel ran a hand through her hair and found the thick scar on the left side of her head, her fingers tracing it meaningfully. Her hair was starting to grow longer around it, obscuring it from view even further, but, Santana realised, Rachel would always be able to feel it, would always know it was there, even if other people didn't.

"I remember my sister would come in to see me once I was off the intensive care unit," Rachel divulged. "She would always want to play and she'd get sad when my dads told her that we couldn't."

"You sound sad about that," Santana said, reaching out and placing a hand on Rachel's arm.

"Yeah well," Rachel told her, "she's just a kid. She didn't understand what was going on. She just wanted to be able to play with me, to do the things we used to do before," Rachel continued, a smile creeping on her lips, "you know, making sandcastle at the beach…"

"Eating ice lollies?" Santana offered.

"Right," Rachel confirmed.

"I can't do those things with her now," Rachel told her. "She wants me to pick her up and carry her like I used to but I can't," Rachel continued. "She wants to jump on me and make me chase her round the garden or the park…"

Rachel leant back slightly stretching.

"Now I'm home she thinks I'm better," Rachel went on, "but I'm not and it makes me sad that I can't be the same big sister to her that I was before."

Rachel wiped at a tear that had escaped her eye unbidden and Santana leant forward to catch Rachel's lips in her own.

Rachel was surprised at first but soon let herself sink in to Santana's lips, her mouth giving Rachel comfort in silence instead of words. Santana raised her free hand and reached up to touch the side of Rachel's face, her thumb stroking her cheek soothingly. After a moment, Santana went to move away, but as she pulled back, she felt Rachel press her mouth harder against her own and causing her to moan slightly in response.

Rachel took the opportunity to suck on Santana's bottom lip, catching it in her mouth as Santana had opened her own to moan. Rachel leant up onto her knees to close the gap between the two of them, placing her hand on Santana's back between her shoulder blades. Santana felt Rachel's tongue lick the top of her bottom lip and her breath hitched in her throat, her whole body shivering in response to Rachel's mouth on her own, every fibre of her craving more. Her heart was elated, beating forcefully in her chest, the pounding in her ears almost completely in time with the sound of the waves crashing against the shore nearby. Santana opened her mouth and Rachel let her tongue slip inside exploring the previously unknown territory eagerly.

Santana tasted the salt from Rachel's tears mingled with the salty air and using every ounce of self-control she had, she gently pulled her head back separating the two of them for a moment. She looked in to Rachel's eyes as she tried to catch her breath. They were watching her pleadingly, almost desperate and Santana felt her heart drop at the need that she saw in them. Rachel's chest was heaving from a combination of the kissing and her sobs and Santana felt her own eyes moisten at the sight.

Rachel tried to crash their lips together once more, but Santana pulled back and Rachel looked at her hurt. Santana gently used the palm of her hand to push Rachel so that she was sitting back on her heels.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, her words laced with insecurities. "Was that not very good? Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Santana told her breathily. "Quite the opposite."

"I don't understand," Rachel said her eyes moist as she tried to catch her breath.

"Not like this ok?" Santana told her wiping at Rachel's eye with the pad of her thumb before moving around and wrapping her arm around her body tightly. She pulled her into her side and kissed Rachel lightly on the forehead, brushing her hair out of her eyes. Rachel reached up and grasped the front of Santana's jumper with her hand, burying her face into Santana's chest.

"Ok," Rachel said quietly.

"Ok," Santana reiterated, kissing Rachel on the forehead once again.

"Thank you," Rachel told her sincerely.

"For what?" Santana asked her.

"For listening," Rachel clarified.

"Thank you for sharing," Santana said, rubbing Rachel's left arm soothingly with her hand as it draped around her shoulders.

"You make it easy," Rachel told her truthfully.

"I'm glad," Santana replied her own tears falling, whether out of happiness or sadness she couldn't quite decide.

All she knew was that, as she sat there, Rachel in her arms, watching the wave's crash against the shore, the stars shining brightly above in the dark, moonlit sky, was that it was beautiful. She looked at the girl next to her."S_he's beautiful"_ Santana thought to herself, _"tragically and undeniably beautiful."_


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Disclaimer: this story is not mine and neither is Glee.**

* * *

For a while, they remained at the beach, their bodies entwined together on the cool sand, Santana's arms wrapped comfortingly around Rachel's shoulders tightly as she continued to sob gently into her chest. Eventually, Rachel's tears subsided and they sat in comfortable silence, both of them enjoying the soothing sound of the waves crashing against the shore softly, the sea making its presence known to the sand beneath it, the moonlight bouncing off the water brightly to reflect the stars shining in the sky above. Santana lost track of how long they'd stayed there, the two of them unmoving, both engrossed in thoughts that neither of them vocalised aloud. Santana had studied Rachel's face closely as she'd stared out into the horizon; seemingly deep in thought and she wished that she could read Rachel's silent meditations, to know what worries and fears troubled her already fragile and beautiful mind. However, as much as Santana wanted to be able to understand the broken girl beside her further, she couldn't, not without Rachel divulging the information to her willingly as she had done earlier tonight.

So, unable to decipher the contemplative look on Rachel's face, Santana just held her, content in the knowledge that, slowly but surely, she was managing to chip away at the impermeable armour that Rachel wore to protect herself, that with every new day that they spent together, Rachel was gradually beginning to open up to her a little bit more. Santana enjoyed the rare insights that she gained in exceptional moments like tonight, she did, but, she also loathed them at the same time, the knowledge that Rachel blamed herself, no, _hated_ herself for the accident exasperating her in a way that she could not explain. The crosswalk light had been green when Rachel had stepped onto the road. It had been her right of way and the driver of the car had run straight through a red light, hit her and driven off, leaving her for dead. Never in a million years would Santana ever understand how Rachel could blame herself for that, n_ever._

After the breeze had started to pick up, the wind developing a chilly and unkind edge which had made them both shiver in an attempt to keep warm, Santana drove Rachel home, walking her to the door chivalrously once they'd arrived. They stood in awkward silence for a moment, Santana uncertain whether she should kiss Rachel goodnight or not.

Rachel glanced down at her shoes, her hands held nervously in front of her as she waited for Santana to break the silence; her inexperience in this situation ringing loudly in her ears and preventing her from saying anything no matter how much she wanted to.

"So," Santana started, shifting her feet beneath her and stuttering slightly. "I had a really nice time with you tonight."

Rachel looked up to meet Santana's gaze and a small smile graced her features.

"Me too," Rachel said, fidgeting with her fingers in front of her. "I mean, I had a really nice time with you as well." She paused for a moment, dropping her gaze momentarily as she blushed before lifting her eyes once again. "It was definitely the best date I've ever been on." She told her playfully and Santana chuckled softly in response, nodding her head as she ran a hair through her long dark locks.

"I'm really glad that I told you about the accident," Rachel added after a moment, her tone becoming more solemn. "It actually felt nice to talk to someone about it."

"Well, I'm really happy that you told me about it." Santana replied seriously. "I'm always here if you want to talk," she'd offered. "I truly mean that."

"Thank you," Rachel said gratefully.

Santana shifted awkwardly on her feet once more, taking a step back away from Rachel as though she was starting to leave.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Santana told Rachel, taking another step backwards.

"Ok," Rachel said simply, lifting her right hand in a small wave goodbye.

Santana smiled, lifting her own had in goodbye before turning on her heels to make her way back down Rachel's path towards her car. Santana had only managed a few steps before she felt a small hand tug on her own, spinning her around a hundred and eighty degrees to face the house once more. Santana was accosted by Rachel's lips on her own almost instantly and she felt herself smile into the kiss happily. She felt Rachel trace her bottom lip probingly with her tongue and this time Santana had granted her access willingly. Rachel had darted her tongue in to Santana's mouth greedily, just as hungrily as she'd been earlier at the beach and Santana had reciprocated eagerly, tangling their tongues together furiously in a battle for dominance in the confined space. Santana caught Rachel's tongue between her lips, sucking on it gently, enjoying the taste of the girl that she'd craved for so long, one hand pulling on Rachel's lower back, pressing their bodies together closely, the other finding the base of her skull and playing with the hair on the back of her neck. Santana felt Rachel's hands wrap around her own waist, one rubbing soothing paths up and down Santana's spine, sending what felt like a bolt of electricity straight through her.

Finally, Santana's chest heaving from lack of oxygen, they separated and she smiled at the sight of Rachel, pupils dilated as they watched her closely, her own chest heaving just as violently.

Santana took Rachel's right hand in her own, stepping back slightly and entwining their fingers together as she rocked them both arbitrarily between them.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Santana asked, Rachel's smile spreading to match her own.

"Ok," Rachel replied as Santana disentangled their hands and kissed her quickly again on the lips.

Santana made her way down the path towards her car, only stopping momentarily to wave goodbye to Rachel before getting in and driving off. Rachel waited until Santana was out of sight, following the car with her eyes until it had disappeared around the corner, the fingertips of one hand touching her swollen lips in surprise.

She smiled to herself, her face blushing profusely as she thought about Santana and their time together tonight. Her heart swelled within her chest and it was such an alien sensation that Rachel temporarily worried that she was having a heart attack. Finally, she made her way indoors and up to her bedroom, where she quickly changed into her pyjamas and fell into the first undisturbed sleep she'd had since the accident.

Over the next four weeks, Rachel and Santana fell into a comfortable routine together, growing closer with every passing day that they shared. Santana would pick Rachel up for school every morning and take her home after her sessions with Miss Holiday, herself studying quietly in the library whilst she waited. Santana and Rachel went out numerous times over the course of the month, their dates ranging from the traditional movies and dinner to a particularly hilarious visit to the local fair, where Rachel's poor hand-eye co-ordination had almost knocked out a small child during an exceptionally animated ride on the bumper cars. The two of them often spent lazy weekends, entangled together on Rachel's bed, watching cartoons and eating, to Santana's dismay, a strange concoction of food which included Nutella, cereal, milk and plantains.

Now that the two of them were dating, Santana made it her own personal mission to be as actively involved in Rachel's recovery as much as she was able to, reading every book or internet article about traumatic brain injury and epilepsy that she could find. She familiarised herself with Rachel's problems and difficulties, helped her with her physical and speech therapy exercises, learnt to read the subtle changes in her behaviour which she demonstrated when she was tired or stressed. Santana learnt to predict the circumstances which would cause Rachel's speech to become impaired, those which would make her clumsy and unsteady on her feet and those which Rachel avoided all together.

Three weeks into their ill-defined relationship, Rachel had another seizure at school, this time in the cafeteria during lunch, a large proportion of the student body witnessing the event interestedly. One minute, Santana was walking with Rachel towards the table which they often shared with the other girls', their group having had to relocate inside as the weather turned colder and less pleasant, then the next, Rachel had crumpled to the floor beside her, the entirety of her body convulsing violently. Once again, an ambulance was called and Rachel was taken to the hospital in order to be reviewed by a doctor. Santana had been desperate to go with Rachel, but, she had an important test that afternoon which she could not miss and so she'd had to wait until after school to visit her. When she'd arrived at the hospital later that day, Santana had been informed by Hiram that Rachel had something called Todd's paresis, a temporary weakness in her left side as a result of the seizure which could take a few days to resolve. Santana had been understandably concerned at hearing this news but relaxed visibly when on entering the room she found Rachel sat up in bed, coherent, for the most part, and struggling to eat jello from the tub in her lap with her right hand. She walked over to the bedside, pausing beside Rachel to give her a soft kiss on the forehead in response to the lop-sided grin she'd flashed Santana in greeting, the corner of her mouth dropping down on the left where it was weak. Rachel's speech remained relatively intact after the seizure, but, the weakness in her face caused her words to sound much more slurred than normal and Santana couldn't help thinking that she sounded drunk.

Santana had stayed with Rachel at the hospital until late that first night, climbing onto the bed beside the smaller girl and watching TV with her until her curfew rolled around and she had to leave. Tina and the rest of the girls' had joined them throughout the course of the afternoon and the five of them had thrown an impromptu movie night right there in Rachel's hospital room. The next day, Rachel's temporary paralysis had resolved and she'd been released back to her house where Santana had spent the next two afternoons in Rachel's room, wrapped up with her on the bed as she either slept or watched movies. One afternoon, Santana had even spent some time reading some of Rachel's favourite book to her, her own mind too hazy to be able to concentrate on the task herself.

Santana would be lying if she said that Rachel's seizures didn't scare her but, the doctors had reassured Hiram that they'd increased the dosage of her medication and were going to be monitoring her closely over the next few months.

It was now a week later and Rachel, finally fully recovered from her most recent seizure, sat in home room with Santana, Quinn and Tina worrying about the presentation that she had to give in Miss Holiday's English class next period.

"Stop worrying babe," Santana told Rachel from her position at the desk beside her. "You'll be fine alright? We spent all weekend rehearsing…"

"Not all weekend," Rachel interrupted her, shuffling the pages of her essay nervously in her hands.

"You had one evening off to go and see Beyoncé with Brittany," Santana told her, placing a reassuring hand on top of Rachel's in an attempt to stop them from moving around quite so much. "Five hours…that's all. Trust me, you've got this."

"I don't know," Rachel said doubtfully. "I don't think I should have gone. I should have practiced more."

"Rach," Santana protested taking the pages out of Rachel's hands so that she couldn't look at them any longer. "You've literally been working on this assignment for weeks. You know every word of it off by heart."

"You know," Tina commented, "I would have gladly taken that spare Beyoncé ticket off your hands Rach. Brittany said she was fierce live. I'm so jealous. "

Santana shot Tina a meaningful look which told her she wasn't helping before turning her attention back to Rachel again who was biting her bottom lip anxiously.

"Just breathe Rach," Santana told her seriously. "You're going to stress yourself out."

"I know," Rachel replied lowering her head to the desk and groaning. "That's what I'm worried about."

"You know that you don't have to read it out if you don't want to Rach." Santana reminded her. "Miss Holiday asked if you wanted to and you agreed. Just tell her you've changed your mind, she won't care."

"No," Rachel said lifting her head off the desk to look at Santana. "You know what my speech therapist said, I'm supposed to practice speaking in front of groups of people."

"When you're ready," Santana said earnestly. "She told you not to push yourself too hard as well remember? Your speech turns to crap when you're stressed. She said it's the worst possible thing for it."

"Ok," Tina said noting the look on Rachel's face. "Now I don't think you're helping, S."

"Shit," Rachel said dropping her head to the table and banging it gently against the surface and inhaling deeply. "Shit…"

"Hey," Santana said placing a comforting hand on Rachel's shoulder and causing her to turn her head slightly to look into her piercing brown eyes. "Calm down."

"I can't calm down," Rachel moaned. "What was I thinking? I can't do this."

"You can," Santana reassured her. "Your speech is so much better babe, I promise. You'd hardly know that you even struggle with it anymore sometimes. It's only ever really bad when you're tired or really stressed out."

The bell signalling the end of home room sounded and Tina and Quinn gave Rachel a sympathetic look before standing up.

"Rach, you're going to be great," Tina said genuinely believing that Rachel would be fine and trying to reassure her of that. "Just imagine that the whole room is naked. That always works for me."

"What?" Rachel said in disbelief, blushing slightly at the sudden unsolicited thought of Santana's naked body sat before her whilst she tried to read out her assignment. "Tina, that's not going to help me!"

Tina shrugged before quickly wrapping her arms around Rachel's body in a warm embrace. She kissed her on the forehead quickly before saying, "Just do it. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Really?" Rachel called after her as she turned to make her way out of the room, knowing that the very worst that could happen is that she could stress herself out so much that she induces another seizure. "What's the worst that could happen? Really Tina?!" Rachel called loudly as Tina threw her a look and disappeared out of sight.

"I agree with Santana," Quinn told Rachel placing a hand on top of her arm. "You'll be fine Rachel."

"Quinn," Rachel protested as she started to make her way towards the door.

"I'll see you in history," Quinn said as she too disappeared.

Rachel bounced her right leg up and down nervously under her desk as the rest of the students in her English class entered the room and Santana put her hand firmly on top of it in an attempt to make it cease.

"Stop it," Santana almost commanded of Rachel, "don't do this to yourself Rach. Don't talk yourself out of doing something I know that you can do. You'll hate yourself for it afterwards. I know you."

Rachel turned to face Santana, running her left hand through her hair.

"You _can _speak." Santana told her simply.

"I can't," Rachel told her.

"You just did," Santana laughed.

"You know what I mean," Rachel almost groaned. "I'm going to go mute, I can feel it."

"You won't. Just take your time," Santana coached her. "Remember, one sentence at a time. There's no rush."

Rachel wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand as Miss Holiday closed the classroom door and made her way to the front of the room.

"If you feel yourself start to struggle," Santana said, dropping her voice so that no one else could hear, "just look at me alright? Pretend that it's just the two of us and you're practicing in your room. I believe in you Rach."

"Santana…" Rachel began but, Santana cut her off decidedly with a quick peck on the lips, not caring who was watching. Luckily, no one seemed to notice, all eyes attentive to Miss Holiday who was writing something on the board at the front of the class.

_'To Kill A Mockingbird',_ Santana read when her and Rachel had separated and she'd turned to look.

"Ok," Miss Holiday started, dropping her pen onto the shelf at the bottom of the whiteboard and turning to address the class. "So we've all finished reading Harper Lee's 'To Kill A Mockingbird,' and you were given free rein to write an essay on any aspect of the story that you wanted to, relating the messages or characters from it to your own life."

Miss Holiday paused to glance at Rachel whose leg was once again bouncing up and down uneasily.

"Rachel," Miss Holiday said gesturing to where she sat. "Are you happy to read your essay out first?"

Rachel looked at Santana who gave her an encouraging nod.

"Umm," Rachel said, fumbling with the sheets of paper which Santana was handing back to her and almost dropping them on the floor. "Ok."

"Are you sure?" Miss Holiday asked, sensing Rachel's reluctance.

Rachel looked back at Santana who nodded once again before standing up.

"Yeah," she said her voice almost inaudible as she made her way to the front of the class.

"Great" Miss Holiday boosted as Rachel came to a stop beside her and turned to face the class.

Santana could see that Rachel was grasping the papers so tightly in her hands that her knuckles were turning white and she silently prayed for Rachel to take a breath and relax for a moment.

"When you're ready then," Miss Holiday prompted, perching on the front of her desk to listen to Rachel's presentation.

"Ok," Rachel said, rummaging through the pages of her assignment to find the start. She'd made sure to print the text large so that it would be easier for her to read.

Rachel looked up to meet Santana's eyes for a second and Santana raised her eyebrow expectantly waiting for Rachel to start speaking.

"I decided that for my assignment," Rachel started, "I would look at the theme of misconceptions in Harper Lee's 'To Kill A Mockingbird.'"

Rachel turned to look at Miss Holiday uncertainly. She smiled at Rachel, a silent sign of approval and for her to continue.

Rachel started reading out her assignment, discussing the prejudices and misconceptions that Jem and Scout have regarding their father, Jem's misconception of Mrs Dubose and the towns delusions of Boo Radley, albeit slowly and deliberately.

She paused for a moment in her presentation, glancing at the room around her and it was then that Santana saw it, that subtle change in Rachel's face which meant that she was starting to panic. Rachel glanced back down at the paper in her hand, trying to speak the next word, but, it wouldn't come out no matter how much she tried to force it from her mouth.

Rachel raised her eyes to find Santana who smiled at her reassuringly, giving her a thumbs up, urging her to continue, Santana's confidence in Rachel's ability exceeding her own. Rachel managed to complete a few more sentences her speech deteriorating slightly as she continued and Santana felt her stomach drop when Rachel starts stuttering, incomprehensible noises and simple syllables being vocalised instead of actual language.

Around her Santana could hear a few of the other students in the class laugh under their breaths and she could tell that Rachel heard the sniggering too by the way her face fell and her gaze dropped to the floor disheartened. Santana fought the immense urge to hit them which suddenly overcame her as Miss Holiday scolded them from the front of the class.

"You're doing great Rachel," Miss Holiday said encouragingly. "Your essay is well structured and you've clearly understood the topic area you've chosen…go on," she prompted.

Rachel pushed on, managing to drag out some more painfully slow sentences which explained how misconceptions and stereotypes related to her life, but, the power of her words were lost with the lack of fluidity and, the key message, which Santana had really wanted the class to hear regarding how people often had misconceptions of Rachel since the accident did not strike the chord Santana had hoped it would.

Rachel reached for her head, placing a hand to her temple as though she was starting to get a headache. Miss Holiday stepped over to her, placing a hand on Rachel's arm and rubbing it reassuringly.

"That's great Rachel," Miss Holiday told her sincerely. "You don't have to do anymore if you don't want to…"

Rachel dropped her head, handing Miss Holiday her assignment in defeat before walking back to her desk. However, instead of sitting down at it, Rachel leant to pick up her bag, throwing it over her shoulder quickly before walking towards the door and exiting quickly. Santana looked at Miss Holiday questioningly, her gaze darting between the teacher and the door.

"Go," Miss Holiday said in answer, scribbling a quick hall pass for both of them and walking over to hand it to Santana. "Try to get her to come back if you can," Miss Holiday told her quietly. "I'd like to talk to her."

Santana nodded her head in agreement before heading out into the hallway in search of Rachel. Eventually she found her hiding in one of the girl's bathrooms, locked away in one of the cubicles.

"Babe," Santana tried to soothe, hearing Rachel's soft sobs through the barrier between them. "You did really well, please don't cry alright?"

"Leave me alone," Rachel said in response and Santana leant her head against the cubicle door, closing her eyes to listen to the girl on the other side.

"Rachel," Santana started, "Rach, let me in alright? I just want to make sure you're ok."

When Rachel didn't say anything, Santana made her way into the cubicle next door and stood on top of the lowered toilet lid to peek next door. She spotted Rachel, her head in her hands and clambered over the partition deftly, dropping down in front of her.

Santana placed a hand on Rachel's knee and she looked up, her face streaked with tears to look at her.

"Please come back to class," Santana pleaded with her. "You did great."

Santana wiped at Rachel's face with her hand, trying to clear the tears whose tracks were visible on Rachel's face.

"I didn't," Rachel replied. "I completely lost it. I'm so stupid."

"Hey," Santana said placing a firm hand on her shoulder. "You're not stupid, far from it."

"Santana," Rachel said in disbelief. "You saw what happened."

"There's a difference between being stupid and not being able to express yourself," Santana told her sternly. "Rachel you are not stupid and a few months ago you weren't even able to speak full sentences to one person, let alone a whole room full of them. That's progress even if you think it is small."

Santana paused for a moment, "Besides, your speech is already back to normal again. You just got flustered that's all."

"It's like I take one step forward to take another two back," Rachel told her.

"Don't say that," Santana replied. "You're doing so much better…I wish there was some way that I could make you see that."

"Why do you want to be with me Santana?" Rachel asked her, scrutinizing her eyes closely. "All you do is spend all your time constantly reassuring me. What do you get out of this?"

Santana gave Rachel a pointed look.

"You know why?" Santana said. "You wrote me a whole list of reasons…or don't you remember that?"

Santana brushed Rachel's hair out of her eyes where it had fallen, her hand resting on the side of her face as she continued.

"As to what I get out of it," Santana went on. "I get to spend time with you and that makes me happy."

"Why?" Rachel asked with serious interest.

Santana laughed at Rachel's obliviousness.

"I don't know why," Santana said chuckling lightly. "Ok? I just do. I can't explain it very eloquently. It's just, this feeling that I get in the pit of my stomach whenever I'm with you. You make my heart flutter when you smile and my chest ache when you laugh."

Rachel smiled at her words and Santana pushed on, happy to the grin back on her face.

"You make my ears ring with the pounding of my heart when you kiss me," Santana told her, "and my lungs fight for air."

Santana sighed, rubbing Rachel's cheek with her thumb.

"You make me happy," Santana said simply. "What else could I possibly want from you?"

"To be my girlfriend?" Rachel asked quietly.

Santana looked at her seriously.

"Rachel you know how I feel about you," Santana said, turning her head to keep their eyes locked together as Rachel dropped her gaze. "You know there's no pressure…"

"No," Rachel interrupted her. "I'm asking you."

Santana leant back a little in surprise.

"You're asking me?" She asked not quite believing her ears.

"Yes," Rachel confirmed. "I mean, I know we've never discussed it…"

"No," Santana agreed as Rachel continued.

"But, I want you to be my girlfriend." Rachel said. "If you…you know…want to."

Santana smiled at Rachel's shyness.

"So, we're making this official?" Santana asked her cheeks aching from the face eating smile on her features.

"If you want to?" Rachel asked uncertainly.

Santana looked at Rachel and asked, "Why do you want me to be your girlfriend?" Her mind not quite ready to believe this was real.

Rachel reached in to her bag and pulled out her notebook, opening it to the back page and taking out a loose piece of paper which she promptly handed to Santana.

"What's this?" Santana asked her glancing at the sheet in her hands.

"Read it," Rachel commanded her and Santana did as she was told.

"One, I feel like I can tell you anything. Two, because you are patient with me. Three, because you are kind. Four, because you are beautiful. Five, because I can count on you. Six, because you are always there for me. Seven, because you don't rush or push me," Santana read out loud squinting to decipher her typography. "Is this…."

"No," Rachel interjected. "It's not the one you dictated to me."

Santana looked at Rachel's scrawled writing on the page questioningly.

"Turn it over," Rachel told her and Santana did as she was told, her eyebrows rising in surprise. "Read the last two."

"One hundred and twenty, because you make me happy." Santana felt her cheeks burn brightly and she kept her eyes glued to the page before her reading the last reason written on the sheet. "One hundred and twenty one, because I want you to be my girlfriend."

"That's why," Rachel told her. "All one hundred and twenty one reasons why I like you."

"I don't know what to say," Santana told her honestly. "Except this was not where I thought we'd have this conversation." She noted, observing their surroundings.

"Yeah, well, me neither," Rachel admitted, "I kind of had this whole thing planned, but, I don't know, this felt like the right time."

"Are you sure about this?" Santana asked her. "I mean, it's not because of what's just happened or anything?"

Rachel pointed at the sheet of paper in Santana's hand.

"I started writing this the morning after our first date," Rachel informed her, "I've been adding things to it ever since then, writing down my feelings, you know, like my therapist told me to do."

She paused for a moment.

"It helps me," Rachel continued, "to see it written down in black and white, no matter how illegible it is." She laughed lightly. "You are amazing," Rachel told her simply, "and I miss you when you're not around. I want you to be mine Santana, just mine….like, officially. If that's what you want?"

"I've always been yours," Santana said laughing. "Since the first time I saw you in the hallway the first day of class."

"So?" Rachel questioned timid.

"So yes!" Santana said hugging her tightly. "Of course I'll be your girlfriend Rach."

Rachel grinned widely as Santana released her from her grasp. "Really?" she asked.

"Really," Santana confirmed, leaning forward and taking her lips in her own, pulling Rachel towards face towards her gently. "Now," Santana said seriously once they'd parted once again. "Can we please get out of the bathroom?"

Rachel's grin, if possible, grew even wider.

"What's the rush?" Rachel asked suggestively, raising her eyebrow playfully.

Santana felt her cheeks burn as Rachel leant forward and kissed her once again, her tongue finding its way almost instinctively into Santana's mouth. Rachel sucked Santana's bottom lip for a moment, biting it gently as she pulled away and for a moment, Santana completely forgot how to breathe.

Rachel laughed at Santana's reaction, pushing herself up from where she'd been sitting and opening the cubicle door. It took a moment for Santana to realise that she was now alone, and dumbly she stood up, following Rachel outside into the bathroom. When Rachel had learnt to become such a tease, Santana didn't know, but, she had to admit, she liked it. She liked it very much.

Rachel quickly rinsed her face with some water to get rid of the tear tracks on her cheeks before drying it with a paper towel. When she'd finished she walked over to Santana and took her hand, entwining their fingers together.

"I guess we should go back to English," Rachel said matter of factly.

"After you," Santana said smiling, "girlfriend."

Rachel smiled in return before raising herself onto her toes slightly to kiss Santana once more.

"I like the sound of that," Rachel said before opening the bathroom door and leading Santana along the corridor, back to class.


End file.
